Love is worth it

Oh to be like Jesus.

My soul is in a hurricane of sorts. The atmosphere of this home is one of strife and turmoil. My poor son, 2 ½ years old, dealing bitterly with his sinful nature, this small person, so very much human. I can see that both his 2 year old sized body and 2 year old sized mind are being overwhelmed with all that it is to be human. His strong will, his sinful urges, his raw emotion. I can see just how exhausted he is from putting up this fight, yet how unwilling he is to yield to peace.

I see me.

I see the tumult within myself as I try to suppress the actions that want to make a raging display as my toddler does the same.

I need to find a shelter from the storm. I need to find a place that, despite my surroundings, is peaceful and calm and collected.

It’s 10:00 am, and Gideon is taking his nap now. 2 hours early. He needed the rest. Me too.

To live love is my prayer. To show true love, even amidst adversity, is the greatest thing I could accomplish in this life. I want to do it in my home, behind closed doors, in view of the ones that need me to show them the most love.

It’s quiet.

Peaceful.

I just realized that I chose my “Birthing- playlist 2” mix on i-tunes.

To give birth to love is painful. It is difficult and just when you think you can’t do it, just when you think it will never end, just when you think that to die would be better, you start pushing, pressing, releasing and then… love is here.

Love is no easy feat.

Love is worth it.

It’s worth the slaying of your selfishness. It’s worth yielding to peace. It’s worth the sacrifice of will. It’s worth the submission of the need to defend yourself.

Love is worth it.

“… Love; joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…”

I want to be like Jesus. I want to love, truly.

The hurricane has died down. Strife and turmoil are far from here. Love reigns.

blogging = nice>opinion

You know what’s rough? Being nice AND opinionated. Overall, I’m a nice person. I don’t mean to say that I can’t be mean or can’t put up a fuss, I’m just saying that I don’t like to. I’m the person that would rather drink the disgusting chocolate tomato espresso shake that the girl behind the counter accidentally made for me, than to make a fuss about not getting the chocolate mint frappe that I ordered, potentially ruining this girls confidence as a barista … you know?

With that said…

I’m naturally a very opinionated person. I tend to have opinions on nearly everything, and if I get started, I could easily go on for far too long, stating my reasons and my arguments for why I believe what I believe.

This internal tug of war has lead me to write complete rants and essays on subjects that I deem important, that I never end up posting. They sit safely tucked away in my Microsoft Word Processor, never stating controversy, never rocking the boat.

I have opinions on this too… If I heard someone saying this, I’d say “Well, what else do you keep a blog for? If people like what they read, they’ll keep reading, if they don’t like what they’re reading, they’ll stop reading…” Easier said than done I guess.

I keep saying on facebook that I’m blogging, but never post stuff on my blog… this is why.

Feminism
Birth Control
Fear based parenting
Medicine
Breast feeding
Marriage
Purpose

I just want to be nice. I don’t want to offend you. As my lovely sister would say; “I really need to grow a pair“.. Or do I?

P.S. As I’m reading this over before I post, I’m chuckling to myself because in my fictional example I had to put an absurd drink to be the “disgusting one” because I didn’t want to accidentally put one of your favorite drinks… ugh!

Hello?

Hello, anybody out there?

Just wanted to say that I am loving my blogging vacation. : )

God is doing a lot in my heart. The kinds of things that are so deep and so secret that you can hardly put it into words. The kinds of things that make you excited about life, and looking forward to all the rest that God is going to do. Do you know what I mean?

Things are good, life is good, God is good. I love my boys, and even though Gideon is 2 now... my boys are good too! : )

I do miss everyone though. : )

A misty dream

Funny, what comes forth from your soul, when you have a creative avenue.

I am very tired of winter. Looking forward to spring, because I know it will come. Eventually.

It’s cold, gloomy, lonely and at times, ferocious. I just want things to be warm, and sunny. I want mild weather. I want the lovely rain of springtime and the flowers that it brings.

And then I realize; this “season” in my life, and for a lot of other people, feels very much like winter. It’s a winter that has lasted in one way or another, for about a year. I look forward to springtime. I want things to feel warm and welcoming again. I want a cool soaking rain, and I want the flowers to poke their heads out again. I want sunshine, and I want rainbows. I want EVERYTHING to be okay. Not just for me, but for all the people that I love.

I look forward to springtime - in so many ways. I know it will come. Eventually.

I enjoy my “magnetic poetry kit” so much. It was my very first Mothers day present. Quite fitting actually, even if I just have a minute or two, I can form a poetic phrase. I’m always shocked as to what comes out, which words stand out to me, and how I put them together.

Indeed, I am anticipating springtime, in so many ways. I suppose, winter is what makes springtime so enjoyable.

My Husban!

I just want to take some time to talk about my husband.

Because really, he’s quite wonderful!

I came down with a pretty hearty sinus/head cold. (Can you catch a virus via blog? Because I read about sick people, then came down with something… just wondering…)

I was feeling awful, Silas had the same kind of thing that I did, so we were up a lot. Mark was exhausted because Gideon had decided to wake up extra early. We got in bed after a long, long day, and, despite his exhaustion, he immediately pulled out our massage book. He was looking up acupressure points for relieving sinus pressure and neck/shoulder pain. I didn’t ask for it, at all, he just did it. (It actually helped quite a bit, it was temporary relief, but relief just the same.)

Here’s the thing though, Mark didn’t get up with Gideon because I was sick. Mark didn’t search our book shelves for the massage book. Mark got up with Gideon because that’s what he does. Every morning that he doesn’t have to work opening shift, he gets up with Gideon. Mark knew exactly where the massage book was, because it’s always right by our bed, because nearly every night he massages my feet, or my shoulders, or my arms, or my back, or my face (which sounds kind of weird, but feels incredible!) Obviously, because he has a book to reference, he’s not just doing a half hearted, lazy massage. He cares enough to spend at least a few minutes before each massage to check certain pressure points, techniques, or special information about the area that he’s working on. I know that’s not normal. My husband is extraordinary!

I could go on writing page after page of all the amazing things he does, and all the wonderful things I love about Mark. I will, however only keep it at this - he loves me so much, and he figures out how to show me that he does. I feel that I don’t deserve him, which is why I’m so thankful that love is not something you must deserve.

I genuinely love to spend time with him. He is my best friend. He is my favorite.

I know not all of my readers are married, but for those of you who are, I encourage you to take some time to see how your spouse is showing you that he loves you. So I guess, consider yourself tagged - Tell me how great your spouse is too. : ) Remember that no one is perfect, and most are almost completely flawed, but focusing on even just a small act of kindness is unusually uplifting. The really great part about speaking good of another, is you can’t speak wrong of them at the same time! : ) Ephesians 4:29-32 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it might impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and evil speak be put away from you, with malice. (assuming malice is already put away from you… if it’s not, do it all at once.) And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

P.S. I have to give my beautiful sister-in-law special credit, because she gave me the massage book along with some wonderful massage lotion a few years ago for Christmas. Thanks Kate!

P.P.S. For those of you not married, just pick someone, anyone, to write about. Or write about Jesus, we all need to hear about how wonderful He is. : )

The "sock"

Oh yeah, here's the sock. I still laugh at myself...



I think I'll keep it. Tucked away as a little reminder, a reminder of so much...

Ethical consumerism - Stewardship, not always what it seems

~Stewardship - When faced with a purchase I ask myself, can I actually afford this? (Which is far different from “do I have the money for…”) I ask myself “Can I do without this, or figure out how to get this in a better way?” I ask, “What could I do with this money that would serve a greater purpose than this item would?” I ask, “If I don’t purchase this, what will I do with this money?”~

In my last post I addressed most of the first 2 questions. “…Can I actually afford this?“ and “Can I do without this, or figure out how to get this in a better way?”

Now I want to spend some time on the second two questions. “What could I do with this money that would serve a greater purpose than this item would?” I ask, “If I don’t purchase this, what will I do with this money?” I know they seem like kind of the same question. And Maybe you would only need to ask yourself the first question. I, however, need the second question in order to keep myself honest where the previous question is concerned. Here’s my example; If I’m in Target (I thoroughly enjoy that store) and I resist buying a pair of black flip flops for $10.00 because I have a brown pair of flip flops, and I have black flats, I reason with myself and say “even though having a black pair and a brown pair of flip flops would be easier, I could certainly be creative enough to find outfits that would work just as well with either brown flip flops, or black flats.” Then I think to myself “Yes, this is good, $10.00 would pay half of my monthly phone bill. Or I could just stick it in our jar of change that we save for the 30 hour famine (a fund raiser through world vision.) $10.00 would feed 10 kids for a day. I certainly don’t need black flip flops.” Here’s where the second question comes into play. On my way home I realize it’s 1:30 and I haven’t eaten lunch yet. I pull into Tim Horton’s and buy a large mint chocolate ice capp, a chicken salad sandwich on a whole wheat bun, and a honey dipped doughnut. It comes to about $10.00. Blast! Instead of buying black flips flops to make my wardrobe a little easier, instead of paying half of my cell phone bill, instead of feeding 10 children for a whole day, I had lunch 20 minutes earlier than I would have if I waited ‘til I got home and made myself lunch. Should have just gone with the flip flops, at least they would have lasted more than 10 minutes.

Do you know what I mean?

Here’s the thing though - I’m not anti-dining out, in fact, just the other night we went to Pizza Hut and had dinner there. But there was thought behind it, thought put into it. Mark had th day off, we had errands to run, youth group at 7:00, and we had to drop Gideon off at my in-laws before youth group. It was nearing dinnertime when we realized it would be crazy hectic to try to run home, make something for dinner, then get all 4 of us back out the door in time for youth group. So instead, we went to Pizza Hut, had a nice time eating together as a family, I was able to nurse Silas while we waited for our food to come, and everything was calm, relaxed and we had some quality time together. Our alternative option would have been much more stressful and Silas would have cried his head off ’til I could sit to nurse him during dinner, making us late for youth group. So, thank you Jesus and thank you Pizza Hut for an alternative to that!

Dining out isn’t JUST what I’m talking about. I’m trying (and maybe not doing very well) to get a point across.

I suppose this is really what I mean to say; A steward is a property manager: somebody who manages somebody else's property, finances, or household
Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2005 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

If you believe that God has given you your property, finances and household, it is prudent (and far beyond beneficial for everyone) if you give them back to Him. So, if these things are His - consult Him as to what to do with them. I don’t think that the average Bible believing, Jesus loving person is surprised when God leads us to use our money doing something “churchy” like giving to a charity or buying a bag of groceries for a less than well off family. But I personally begin to second guess myself when I start to feel that God wants me to spend money on something less “churchy” like… a pedicure. Yet, several months ago, I did feel that way, and I believe it was God’s leading. My closest girl friend and I have drifted apart a bit, over the last few years (funny how husbands, kids and real jobs will do that, huh?) I honestly believed that God was having me treat my friend, and myself, to a pedicure for her Birthday. And we had a lovely couple of hours together, catching up, and feeling a little closer than we had been. I believe that God was smiling like a father on that sunny autumn afternoon, as he watched 2 woman become 2 little girls again, chatting, giggling relaxing and catching up like they used to. His daughters making time for each other. Doesn’t that seem like something that would make a Daddy happy?

I feel like this kind of thought process can apply to most, if not all money spending situations; What will help build a stage for God to do what he wants?

God, I believe, has created us to be relational. Eating at Pizza Hut, in my opinion was ministry to our family, we didn’t do it out of laziness or neglect, we did it because eating-out was the best dinner situation for us at that point. God wants us to have healthy relationships. Thriving, growing, loving, blessing relationships. If that means God is leading you to treat a friend (and maybe yourself) to a pedicure, at a locally owned, earth friendly salon, then so be it. Because that’s relational ministry, not frivolousness.

P.S. God is so faithful! When you do with God’s money what he wants you to do, he always provides. : ) Always, always, always. Isn’t that incredible?

Ethical consumerism - enough really IS enough

~Stewardship - When faced with a purchase I ask myself, can I actually afford this? (Which is far different from “do I have the money for…”) I ask myself “Can I do without this, or figure out how to get this in a better way?” I ask, “What could I do with this money that would serve a greater purpose than this item would?” I ask, “If I don’t purchase this, what will I do with this money?”~ (Ethical consumerism - So it starts)

~I’ve come to realize, to an extent, how frivolous we can be. Last April we went credit card free (don’t admire us, I’ll tell all in the next post.) Since then, when I think “hm, food to eat? Or this pair of shorts for Gideon?” the answer is a no brainer. On our one income, you get creative, or you go without. It’s that simple. Next time I’ll share our story of going credit card free, along with a silly story of my pride. Socks.~ (Ethical consumerism - I expound)

When Mark and I got married we were NOT good with money, and on top of that, we were literally not earning enough to make ends meet. Our solution? Marks credit card. Instead of spending less, we just charged everything. Please don’t go shaking your head at our parents for not educating us on proper money management skills - they taught us, we just chose not to learn from them. To this day, I wish we had. So, to make a long story short, we maxed out, and missed or was late on several payments. Our monthly credit card bill was usually about $400.00, minimum. At that point, Mark was earning enough money for a family of 3 to make ends to meet, but with a bill of $400.00 just to pay the interest on our card, we were in the same financial boat that we had been in. Mark was earning more, but we owed more. So, last year we were referred by a friend to a debt management program, and we enrolled. Payments were much more affordable, we got to chose the day of the month that we paid the bill and there was an end in sight - to be debt free. However, the company that we had our credit card through, has a policy that if you enroll in a debt management program, you MAY NOT OWN/USE ANOTHER CREDIT CARD, AND YOU MUST STOP CHARGING. Which really makes perfect sense. If we did use another card, and they found out, they would kick us out of the program and we would be back to square one. That, my friends, is not a risk we are willing to take. (This is how I learned to ask “can I actually afford this?” (Which is far different from “do I have the money for…”)

So it became official, on April 3 2008 in the year of our Lord, we went credit card free.

And we were/are in a good spot financially, because if we stretched just a bit, we can make ends meet. Without owning anyone anything further. Unless, the car needs new tires. Or we had a co-pay for the Dr.. Or we were in a wedding. These things were not and could not, be a part of the budget. On more than one occasion my parents stepped in to help us with something that needed to be charged, so we do owe them some. (For instance, there was just no way to get around the fact that in November I needed a $300 satin cognac maternity gown for my brothers wedding, don‘t blame the bride… someone else picked out the dresses.) So Like I said before, you get creative, or you go without. Speaking of that November wedding, and creativity - it’s now time for my story.

Before Gideon was born, we were handed down plenty of very nice baby clothes. Some as big as 3T. There was an adorable little pants and vest suit. That just so happened to fit Gideon in November. So for the wedding we had several dress shirts to choose from, a clip on tie, and my mom found a pair of perfectly sized perfect condition dress shoes at goodwill. However, we had 0 dress socks. All we had for Gideon to wear under his new dress shoes were white, tan or red socks. Did I mention that because of a job position switch , Mark was making less than we needed, with his first commission check weeks after the wedding? Well, we were broke. We literally only had a few cents in the bank. So, I start thinking “what am I going to do? Gideon needs dress socks. I don’t have a card to charge it on! If Lisa’s (the bride, and now my sister-in-law‘s) family sees Gideon with a suit on and white socks, they’ll think our family has no class. They’ll think we’re a bunch of country bumpkins (which isn’t far from the truth) and they’ll forever hold us in judgment. They’ll think of John and Lisa’s children‘s “other grandparents” as unsuited to be their grandparents. They’ll fear that Lisa’s children will grow up unprivileged and uncivilized. They’ll look down on John . I can’t do that to them! I can’t do that to him!” Worry. Pride. Sinful. Silly. Socks. So, what did I do? Out of shear brilliance, and obvious desperation- I crafted toddler dress socks out of 2 mismatched toddler socks and one mismatched men’s dress sock (on a side note, how does that happen? So many socks, non that match.) For your enjoyment, I will post a picture of said dress socks soon… well, only one, I’m not sure where the other one is. : )

And you know what, At the wedding reception, I realized that Gideon’s beautiful “dress socks” never even showed. The pants were just a tad too long, which hid his socks completely. He could have worn NO socks and no one would have been the wiser. *Sigh* Some things, most things, just aren’t that important.

How did we get here?

I’m taking a short break from writing on ethical consumerism to post this, at my husbands urging. After I mentioned this in another post, I started writing, and just finished. I hope you are inspired, or at least challenged. Please, let me know what you think.



How did we get here? It seems as though we’ve taken so many steps to the side, we must go backward, to find where we veered off. Yes, to retrace our steps and move backward is the best option for us now. To come to the place where we first lost our way, and continue in the appropriate direction from there.
Walking through church history of the decades 2000-2010, 1990-1999, 1980-1989, How have we reached where we are? Yes! Good things happened. Yes! God moved. No, it wasn’t a waste, but why does our generation look so shabby compared to Faith’s Champions of yester year?

Where are the spiritual disciplines? Where has forgiveness gone? Where is temperance?

I’m speaking in reference to second and third generation Christians. Those whose parents or grandparents were saved from lives of obvious sin, and needed severe lifestyle changes. I’m speaking of the people that have “always been saved” the ones who said the “sinners prayer” at age 4. The ones whose earliest memories are playing in the church nursery, and can fluently speak Christianese on demand, or even worse, don’t even know when their speaking Christianese. Why do we look the way we do? The real question is, where is your mark? How can one tell that you are sanctified?

(sanc·ti·fy [sángktə f]
(past and past participle sanc·ti·fied, present participle sanc·ti·fy·ing, 3rd person present singular sanc·ti·fies)
1. make something holy: to give something holy status
2. free somebody from sin: to perform a ritual or other act intended to free somebody from sin
3. bless something through religious vow: to give a religious blessing to something such as a marriage, usually through an oath or vow sanctified the marriage
4. officially approve something: to give social, moral, or official approval to something
rules sanctified by tradition
5. make something route to holiness: to make something a means of achieving holiness or a source of grace )

Simpler put, where is holiness?

God is into symbolism, just look at the scriptures and you’ll soon see, God likes symbols. He likes there to be illustrations for things, He likes parables, He likes signs and marks. What better sign or symbol of the presence of Jesus in our lives, than a life transformed? If the life of a “believer” remains untransformed, if the life of a “believer” continues to look the same as the life of an “unbeliever” then one has to ask, “is Jesus actually present in the life of the ‘believer’ at all?”.

My parents, and the parents of many of my friends, became Christians during the “Jesus people” movement in the ‘70’s. The “Jesus people” were a part of another movement, the “Holiness movement.” As far as I can tell, it pretty much went like this, “We read what the Bible has to say about how we live, and then, to the best of our ability, we live that way.” (otherwise known as obedience.) That’s how a movement should be. Simple.

I’m not saying that obeying is a simple thing to do, I am saying that the concept of holiness is simple. But in order to obey God, you have to know what He is asking, commanding and requiring of you. In order to know this, you have to know what He says in the Bible.

I want to live in such a way that someone, anyone, can tell that Jesus is why I live the way I do. I want to live different from the common man. Not in a way that makes those who were burned by the church cringe, or in a way that people think “great, someone else to judge me.” But in a truly Christ like way - in love and compassion, in truth and confidence, in forgiveness and understanding. In a way that God has asked me to. In a way of obedience. I want to live a holy life.

Can anyone else sense something coming? It’s like a big wave, or a wind, a storm, a rain cloud, something is coming, something new. It’s almost here. Something is stopping it. Has there been a great movement since the ’70’s? Like I said before, yeah, plenty of good has happened since then, but I mean a real movement. Has there been an environment changing movement in the past few decades? I don’t think so.

Why?

My theory is this: As the children of those who were a part of the “holiness movement” grew older, we began to rebel against the ways our parents did things. We saw this “holiness” as traditionalism, we saw it as prudish, and judgmental. In an attempt to create our own movement we entered the areas of “grace and freedom.” As a whole, we began drinking to the point of drunkenness, we stopped listening to moral and edifying music and began filling our homes with profanity, we started focusing more on “self” and stopped caring, we stopped heeding the law and started smoking marijuana, we had sexual relations with people who were not our spouses, we let profanity flow from our lips and let bitterness, hatred and unforgiveness reside in our souls. We let every manner of sin become a part of our daily lives. All in the name of “grace and freedom.” This is what we embraced, this is what we even took so far as to call a movement of God. This is the church. And this is what’s kept the “new” from coming.

We must go backward. To the placed we veered off. Yes, to retrace our steps and move backward is the best option for us now. To come to the place where we first lost our way, and continue in the appropriate direction from there. We must choose to live a life of holiness. We must raise our children in not just good behavior but in the way of holiness, and obedience to God. We must live a life that’s imitating Christ. We must earnestly search the scriptures and let our lives reflect it.

Then, I think, we’ll be in a place where God is free to let the new things come. So live in a way that the new can come. Do it for our children. Do it for the church. Do it for the rest of the world that needs to see Jesus the way He is, and not the way we’ve been portraying Him. Do it for your soul. Do it for the One who asked you to do it in the first place, the One who loved you so much that in order to be with you forever, chose to die in your place.

This is where I was going to put a scripture to back my point, when I realized, my point is backing scripture.

All: of-it


A man walks into a party, he’s very late. “sorry I’m late,” he says “I was hit and run over by a semi-truck on the way here, it messed me up pretty bad.” “No you weren’t” said the host. “How do you know? You can’t judge me like that” replied the guest “You weren’t there, you wouldn’t know!” “Well“ returned the host, “No one can actually have an encounter with something that big , and not be changed. If you were truly run over by a semi-truck, we’d know, because you would look like you were.” (my own morphed version - original story told by Paul Washer)

And a time to mourn

~ Sitting on the floor, rocking my precious sleeping baby. My baby. Just a foot away from me, my first born is sleeping on the floor, poor little one isn’t feeling well. He just laid down and fell asleep. Music plays - “I will be still and know you are God...”
Tears flood my eyes. I’ve tried to reject this salt water flood all week. Some moments I overcome, other times I give in.
What do I cry for? Injustice. Sin. Death. Ignorance. Life. Loss. Hope. Peace. Love.
I am pro life. In every sense.
This week has me mourning, mourning life lost. ~


~ Laying Next to my child. My child. I think he’s feeling better. I love his little giggles as he watches veggie tales. He keeps sticking his pedialyte freeze pop in my mouth. He’s so sweet.
Last week we mourned the anniversary of the legalization of abortion. Mourning the loss of the people who’s lives were taken by medical means. It is admirable to mourn over this.
This week we mourn the death of my sisters beautiful friend, Abby. Mourning the loss of the earthly presence of this wonderful girl. Trying to rejoice with her as she enters the hope of eternity. It’s inconceivable not to mourn over this. ~


The thing that brings so many tears to my eyes, is the reality of the worth of a life. And the audacity of those who think that they have the right to end another’s life.

Watching the ripple effect of grief as people learn of Abby’s death has been really hard. Being with my sister as she learned of the accident. Talking with grieved people who know and love Joy but never met Abby. Now, I’m sure it saddens you, to hear of this, when you may not have ever met Abby, or Joy. Simply hearing that someone I love, has lost someone whom she loved, is sad news.

And then there is war. And to mourn over this is nothing but the murmurs of an ignorant hippy. Why?

I told Mark that I can’t get Joys sobs out of my head, those deep, terrible, soulful, beautiful sobs. I don’t want them to leave my head. For they are the cries of so many who have lost. Lost a life, and a loved one to war. And to forget those sobs, I feel, is to forget those lives.

I know this sounds so simple and probably idiotic, but every life lost to war, used to be a child. Every life lost to war, was as a baby, cradled and rocked by somebody. Every life lost to war, was loved by someone, somewhere, at sometime. Every life lost, had a mother.

Then I think of my boys.

I think of the tragedy there could be of someone thinking that they had the right to take the life of one of my babies. I think of the pain that Abby’s Family is feeling now. The pain that Joy is feeling now. I think of the heart of God breaking with every “procedure to take care of an unwanted pregnancy”. I think of the people of Iraq. I think of Americas Solders. I think of the People of Sudan. I think of the people of Israel. I think of the people of Palestine. I think of the tragedy there is when we think that one life could be worth more than another.

And I mourn.

Shepherd of my soul

Shepherd of my soul
I give you full control
Wherever you may lead
I will follow
I have made the choice
To listen for your voice
Wherever you may lead I will go

Be it in a quiet pasture
Or by a gentle stream
The shepherd of my soul is by my side
Should I face a mighty mountain
Or a valley dark and deep
The shepherd of my soul will be guide

While singing my son to bed the other night, I realized just how deep a declaration this old familiar chorus is. My mind nods in solemn agreement, my mind heart rejoices at the implication, and my life asks “is this true?”

A boring update

I feel like it’s been a while, although, it hasn’t. I think it’s because I have a foot long list of all the things I want to write about, but haven’t had a chance to.

First off I’d like to say HE DID IT!!!!!! Gideon used his “big boy potty” once on Sunday and once yesterday! We are very excited. I’m sure we have a long way to go, seeing as he’s still quite young for potty training, but it was exciting just the same. : )

On Sunday we left town for a couples retreat, we brought both kids with us. Silas, for obvious reasons, and Gideon, just because I don’t like to leave my boy. : ) My lovely sister Jenessa came along to help out. So, although we had 2 kids and a sister in our room, and didn’t get a minute of alone time, we were so blessed by the retreat. It was actually meant for pastors and their wives, but Mark played on the worship team with 2 other non-pastors, and because all 3 couples are in ministry, it worked out just fine. The times that we had to sing songs in praise and worship to our God were so amazing! There was a man there who came specifically to minister to the couples in prayer. God really spoke through that man and the other couples, and Mark and I were so encouraged to hear the things that God had to say to us. We had a great time.

One thing that we heard at this retreat, was a confirmation of some of the revelation that Mark and I have been having, that we believed is God inspired. God has been showing us a lot about holiness, and what it means for us, as second generation Christians. Our parents and the parents of most second generation Christians, became Christians during the “holiness movement” of the “Jesus People.” Trying to find our niche in the Christian faith, as the people born to the “Jesus People,” has proved to be a little difficult for this generation. God has been showing Mark and I some things about this, and I’ve really enjoyed being able to learn and discover more about where we fit in the picture. So, I hope to be able to post something soon, sharing my thoughts on this.

I suppose this is all for now. : )

When Love has run of a house

I just came down the stairs. It’s nap time now, Gideon is snuggly tucked into bed already snoring, and Silas is cuddled up tight to me, inside the Moby Wrap.
It’s kind of rare these days to leave Gideon’s bedroom while he’s sleeping. Usually he needs to fall asleep on his own. We pray, then I sing, but he typically needs to be alone to finally give in and let sleep take over.

Today, he wanted me to sit on the rocking chair while I sang (I think it’s because Silas was with us this time, he usually lays in the basinet while I’m putting Gideon to sleep) But today he said “mamma, baby rock-chair” and as I sang and rocked, Gideon peeped through the crib slats and watched me cradle his brother and sing songs to Jesus.

I can’t explain the look on Gideon’s face, as his beautiful blue eyes blinked slowly, trying to stay locked with mine. It was like at that moment, I was his whole world. I looked down at Silas snuggled close to me, limp with the most peaceful of sleeps. This feeling of awe came over me. “What an incredible job I have!” I thought, as I watched Gideon let go, and give in to his much needed nap. I was taken over by immense gratitude, for being considered worthy of caring for these 2 boys. I thought of the way I felt about my mom, as she sang me to sleep, and I was brought to tears at the thought of someone feeling the same way about me.
This love, my friends, is worth it. It’s worth every dirty diaper, every sleepless night, every tear.
This week has been stressful for me, mostly, I assume, because of hormones trying to balance out as my body remembers what it’s like to not be pregnant. But the stress of this week was melted away, dissolved, disintegrated, at that very moment of intense love.

Stress = mistrust, mistrust = fear, where there is fear, there is an absence of love.

1 John 4:18 (The Message)
To Love, to Be Loved
17-18 God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry… There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life… is one not yet fully formed in love.
&
2 Timothy 1:7 (New King James) For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

I thank God that most days, Love has the run of this house. I pray that someday soon, I’ll allow Love the run of this house EVERYDAY. I pray that I’ll learn the truths of walking on Love every moment of my life. Because Love, is a powerful thing.

May Love have the run of your house, and may this beautiful kind of moment, become personal to you!

My thursday - and now its saturday...

So, this is a little blurp from thursday... its saturday, and I'm just now posting it. :)

Was to be called "Today, laundry wins"


Nap time - Shower vs. Laundry, laundry wins. Maybe I’ll fit bathing into my night time routine. Looks like I’m going with the ball cap look today.

12:14 - Sitting down to eat. Hummus and crackers. The only other things I’ve had today; 2 pieces of fudge. Easy things to grab and eat… I need to buy some fruit.

Reflecting on - His grace is sufficient for me.

My Dear Lord Jesus, Thanks for my boys. I wouldn’t trade them for a million showers and a perfectly balanced diet ever! Thanks for giving me the life of a mother, I love it!

No weapon formed against me

This is a post that I wrote at about 21 weeks gestation, I knew it would be months before I actually posted it, but felt I needed to write it then. This has been saved in my little “Blogging stuff” folder, and now it is my joy to share it with you.
On Monday at 12:02, I gave birth to an extremely healthy baby boy, Silas Noah. (I’m working on a VERY long birth story post… it’ll be a while before you see it.)
I pray that as you read on, God would fill you with peace and hope, for whatever it is that your family is going or will be going through. Enjoy!

The peace of this moment is unearthly. What a calm, so surreal. Gideon is in bed, not sleeping yet, just chattering away, “a-mamma, wam a ma, Dah?” I think he just tossed his sippy cup out of the crib. The rain outside is coming down pretty hard. I love rain. The house is dimly lit, just one table lamp is on. I was reading, but had to put down my book in order to capture this beautiful moment. My feet are up (a common occurrence these days, as I’m prone to retaining water.) I just finished a small square of chocolate, and have another waiting for me. Sipping my iced coffee… this moment is perfect. The best part is, the peace. “No weapon formed against me shall prosper, it won’t work” sings Fred Hammond and his choir through the computer. “No way, no way, it won’t work… I know God will do what He said He will do. He’ll stand by his word… Don’t be afraid of the enemy.” No weapon formed against me, against my family, against my pre-born child, will prosper. It just won’t work, that my soul knows very well.

You see, this morning I received a phone call from my Dr., she was calling to share some results from my ultrasound last week. “There are many reasons why this might be, such as an incorrect due date, a measurement error by the ultrasound technician, or any number of things, but it looks as though your baby has shorter femur and humus bones than a baby this stage of gestation should have. I know that you won’t do anything with this information, but this could be a sign of down syndrome. I just need to tell you this. We’ll do another ultrasound in a few weeks, and you already said you don’t want the other tests for discovering birth defects. So, just think about it, call me if you have any questions.” I responded very cool, it didn’t even phase me. I called Mark at work, we both decided that we’d rather not have any unnecessary tests, and this little baby is a blessing, and will be born fearfully and wonderfully made. I was fine, I had peace, and I believed that our baby would be born healthy. But Satan began whispering lies to me, he started moving fear into me heart, giving me all the reasons this was happening, I couldn’t handle this. I called my mom, knowing she could stand with me in prayer, knowing her faith would spread to me, knowing that I’d be encouraged by her soothing voice and peaceful countenance. “Mom, we don’t want anyone else to know about this, because we know that everything will be fine but I just need you to pray for me…” bursting into sobs I told her what the Dr. said, she prayed with me and said she’d start fasting, and keeping us in her prayers, but she believed that this baby boy is to be born completely whole, completely healthy. I agreed.
Hours later now, I am so in awe of how the Lord has changed my spirit, from panic, fear and needless guilt, to peace, hope and complete faith. Surely, no weapon formed against me shall prosper, it won’t work!

This little baby growing inside of me is a blessing, I love him, I will always love him, but more importantly, Jesus Christ loves him, and can take so much better care of him than I ever could. That’s why I give my children back to God, he knows and cares for them in a way that’s outside of time, he knows their beginnings and their ends and every step in between. This baby has a destiny, and whatever that may be, God’s got a hold of him. No amount of worry, fear or research can give him any better than what the Lord has for him.

“No weapon formed against me shall prosper, it won’t work, when the Enemy comes in like a flood the Lord will lift up a standard against him, and he won’t prosper, no, no, no, no, no, no, it won’t work… I know God will do what He said He will do, He will stand by his word He will come through… I won‘t be afraid of the arrows by day, from the hands of my enemies I will stand my ground with the Lord at my side… No weapon formed against me shall prosper, IT WON‘T WORK!…”

Raising boys - Should violent play be aloud?

“See that? You’re having a boy!” exclaimed the ultrasound technician. Perfect! 2 boys, brothers. Close in age, they’ll take care of each other, and together, be role models for future siblings, and watch over any sisters they might have. 2 boys! We started calling our families and my brother John said “wow! Jane, you’re a mom of men!” “What? No, they’re just babies. They’re not men. I can take care of babies, I have no clue how to be a mom to men!”

As Gideon is getting older, and daily showing less signs of infanthood, and more signs of boyhood, I’m faced with a specific conflict. Is it possible to raise a boy to be a man who defends justice, protects the weak and helpless and stands up for what is right, without allowing violent play? Is it possible to raise them to be that way with violent play?

I joke with Jeffrey (my younger brother) about how I’m not a pacifist, I’m a peaceful activist. It’s rather silly, seeing as how I’m rarely active in expressing my beliefs. And honestly, still coming to my own conclusions on so many issues, that I may not even know where to start most kinds of activism.

I am going to try to refrain from making blanket statements or using any kind of generalities. With that said, I am going to avoid disclaimers as much as possible, if someone actually wants to comment on this blog, I’d love some free discussion.

I do not want any of my sons (and obviously my daughters) to join the military, any branch. I don’t believe that Jesus would have done any such thing, and regardless of what happened in the Old Testament, I see NO evidence in the New Testament that such a thing is honoring to God.
The dilemma? Do I allow my sons to “reenact” battles from wars of our history? Does the learning opportunity outweigh the moral? Do the moral issues involved in war actually give me an avenue to teach my sons about social injustice? If I never want them to participate in the killing of human beings legal or otherwise, how can I allow it in their play time?

Carol - http://www.thoughts-of-home.blogspot.com/ put a post up about a week ago giving great gift giving advice. She had several links to articles and other blogs, that analyzed play and such… the one I chose to read was called “band, bang! You’re dead.” It was interesting. I read it, Mark read it, and we’ve been discussing it whenever we get a chance. The other night we stayed up WAY too late, because we couldn’t stop chatting. (sometimes, when bed time comes around, my husband and I are more like little girls at a sleepover, rather than a married couple with a toddler and a baby on the way… wow, not that I’m calling Mark a little girl… man, that sounds bad… anyway…) The author of this article had many interesting points. I wish I just had a recording of the 3 hour conversation we had on this, it was riveting. (everything seems more insightful late at night, don’t you think?) Over the next few weeks, I’m going to try to do my best to recap the conclusions we came to. The reasons for why such conclusions were made, and what we intend to allow in our home, and for our family.

A thankful heart - A Merry heart

Today, I’m just feeling thankful.

I’m thankful for our Youth Group. Last night Ian (a co-leader) and I took a group of kids roller skating, don’t worry, I didn’t skate, I sat on the side lines in the “disabled” section. : )
It was so much fun! It was way out there, about an hour drive from us, but the car rides were fun and we just had a blast!

The best part of the night was how thankful the kids were. Everyone was so considerate, and they just kept thanking us for bringing them, and for organizing the event. It was absolutely delightful to hang out with this group of kids for the evening! They’re good kids!

I was sitting here just thinking about how thankfulness, expressed last night, is still making an impact on me today. A group of teens, with thankful hearts, have influenced me to have a thankful heart today.

A thankful heart makes a world of difference in ones day.

A thankful heart makes a merry heart.

Proverbs 15:13 A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.


Here’s a bit on a Merry Heart, I found it on www.Sermonindex.net, by A.B. Simpson.

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine

King Solomon left among his wise sayings a prescription for sick and sad hearts, and it is one that we can safely take. A merry heart doeth good like a medicine. Joy is the great restorer and healer. Gladness of spirit will bring health to the bones and vitality to the nerves when all other tonics fail and all other sedatives cease to quiet. Are you ill? Begin to rejoice in the Lord, and your bones will flourish like an herb, and your cheeks will glow with the bloom of health and freshness. Worry, fear, distrust, care-all are poisonous! joy is balm and healing, and if you will but rejoice, God will give power. He has commanded you to be glad and rejoice, and He never fails to sustain His children in keeping His commandments. Rejoice in the Lord always, He says. This means no matter how sad, how tempted, how sick, how suffering you are, rejoice in the Lord just where you are-and begin this moment. The joy of the Lord is the strength of our body, The gladness of Jesus, the balm for our pain, His life and His fullness, our fountain of healing, His joy, our elixir for body and brain.

Have a beautiful and thankful day, and may your heart be merry!

P.S. I'll have some photos of the evening on Facebook soon!

Choose Glory

:: For the last couple of weeks, in Youth Group, we’ve been reading the book of Philippians. Last night, on a slight tangent and whim of my husband‘s, we began to discuss glory. Just figuring out what it looked like, what it was, what is glorious… one of the guys began to tell us about a discussion that he had with Mark a few nights ago when they were out taking a walk back behind my parents house. He didn’t say what they had been talking about, only that they were amazed at how everything they saw was declaring the glory of the Lord. There was a brilliant full moon illuminating wisps of clouds, and all the stars were shining they’re brightest, attempting to assist the moon. They went on describing the beautiful country night, noting that every blade of grass, and every leaf that was present was declaring Gods glory. Simply by being what it was meant to be, creation was glorifying God.

:: Glorifying God was on my mind this morning at about 10:30. We were driving in the car when Gideon, from the back seat exclaimed with great excitement “the MOON!” “No, it’s day time honey, the moon’s not out right now” I replied, “moon” he said again. I looked in the direction that he was pointing, and lo I beheld, the moon. It was no brighter than any of the puffs of clouds, and honestly, I’m surprised that he didn’t just pass it off as being a round cloud. But there it was, still declaring the glory of the Lord, along with the rest of the earth on this dazzling autumn morning.
Gideon is always so excited to see the moon, we say hello to it, we say goodnight to it, we sit outside under a blanket and point to the sky saying, “MOON! STARS! MOON! LOOK!” I’m not sure what it is about the moon that makes him so excited, but I just love to watch him delight in all of Gods creation.

:: God’s creation is something that no child can ignore, it is ingrained in them to delight in their surroundings. To examine bugs, and pick flowers, feel tree bark, admire color and dirt and the sky and wind. Gideon doesn’t have to be taught to enjoy these things. Yet, we have to be taught to acknowledge the creator of these things. As I see Gideon discovering the world that he’s exposed to, I am inclined to recognize Gods creation - my son. As I see Gideon, simply being what he was created to be, I am shown the glory of God. Gideon, being a child, is declaring to the world that Gods fame, His bigness, His splendor… is real! Just like the moon, by being the moon, declares the same.

:: In the “Weight of Glory” C.S. Lewis talks about the fact that humans are given the choice to glorify God or not. Unlike the rest of creation that simply has to be, in order to glorify the Creator. We are required to choose.

:: I exhort you to choose glory. Be who God has created you to be. Take a lesson from all of creation and in every moment of existence, declare the glory of our creator!

On; domesticity and what it inspires in me

How fun it is to be domestic!

:: I think in my “nesting phase” I’m finding great joy in doing things a little more old fashioned. On Monday my mother in law came over to teach me how to make and can applesauce. As I mentioned before, she’s already taught me how to can peaches. Back in June my mom taught me how to make strawberry jam. It’s so much fun! Not just the canning process, but every time I look in the pantry I get excited about seeing food that I CANNED! Every time I open a new jar I am thrilled that I know exactly what’s in the jar, and am delighted that I did it, albeit with a little help.

:: I’m sure its very similar for other people, that as soon as autumn comes around you just start feeling like it’s time to work with yarn. It’s time to get out the knitting needles or crochet hooks and start projects. At first, just to get the creative juices flowing, I usually start with a very simple project, one that can be finished in a few hours. Today, I finished my first project, a 100% cotton wash clothes, I plan on making enough of these so that I can do away with sponges all together. You know, be a little more eco friendly.

:: It’s interesting, I find that as I work at becoming more “domestic“, my heart yearns more for becoming international. I know that somewhere down the line God will place my family on the missions field. Perhaps not for years on end, but potentially a few months at a time. As I try to become less acquainted with the modern conveniences of western culture, I am encouraged to find that I enjoy doing certain things in certain less “convenient “ ways. (Who knows, maybe I’m reading too many Amish themed books…) I guess what I’m saying is that these little steps that I’m taking, help me envision myself being a mom and wife in less developed countries. Don’t tell anyone, but, sometimes when I’m rinsing diapers to put in the washing machine, I start imagining myself standing outside with a bucket of water and some soap flakes, hand washing diapers. The front door of our little shack is propped open and I can smell some sort of stew cooking inside. I don’t know where we are, but the dirt is red and the trees are tall and tropical. Little brown children run around the yard playing with my little blondies, and I look up the road and see Mark walking along, just chatting with a few men, perhaps discussing something spiritual, or just talking about the weather. I feel the warm breeze and actually enjoy the earthy scent of the nearby farm animals and smoke from our neighbors cooking fires. I enjoy this scene, and wonder if I’ll ever be there in any other way apart from my imagination. I hope so. I want to be faithful in the ministries that God has placed us in now, so that we can be proven capable of other, perhaps tougher ministries later on. I want to serve our youth group the best we can, taking care of those kids as though they’re our own, on our week to clean the church I want to do the most thorough job possible, I want to be the most gracious neighbor we can be. I want to be faithful in the little, all of the little that there is everyday.

Wow, talk about the Ramblings of!

Fellow workers in Christ

“The fourth thing, which I suppose isn’t really just specific to Priscilla, but rather the early church as a whole, is there commonality. I know that in our recent attraction to the “hippie commune” we’ve earned ourselves some strange looks and a bit of a weirdo reputation. Which is partly why it’s been something we’ve kept on the down low, but we’ll let you know when we’ve transcended from closet communers (don’t worry, I didn’t say communists) to public communers. At any rate, I thought it was so cool that Priscilla and Aquila were tentmakers, and so was Paul, that’s their original purpose that they started living together, they worked on there common trade. They weren’t just doing “church ministry” all the time, but were using their skills to earn money for their ministry. I’ve read that from time to time, Paul would stick to one place for a while in order to make enough tents to sell and then use that money to keep him going in ministry, probably until he ran out of money and needed to sell more tents. Seriously, read about the financial state of the early church, it makes so much sense. It’s inspiring! (Maybe that will be my next topic of study to post up here?…)”

Like I said, we are NOT communists. Communism, like everything that has become evil, was invented by God, and Satan perverted it so that it became something that it ought not to be.

Acts 2:40 And with many other words he testified and exhorted them, saying, “Be saved from this perverse generation.” 41 Then those who gladly received his word were baptized; and that day about three thousand souls were added to them. 42 And they continued steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. 43 Then fear came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were done through the apostles. 44 Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, 45 and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need. 46 So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, 47 praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved.

The early church, in all her glory.

Mark 10:17 As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. "Good teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
18"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone. 19You know the commandments: 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother."
20"Teacher," he declared, "all these I have kept since I was a boy."
21Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
22At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.
That passage can also be found in Luke 18.

I’ve briefly mentioned a book that we’ve read this year that’s called The irresistible Revolution, I highly recommend it, for us, it was life changing. There is an interesting point that Shane Claiborne (the author) made, he touched on the fact that the doctrine of being born again is not questioned by Christians, Jesus speaks of it once in John chapter 3, then it’s mentioned again in First Peter. Funny how we’ll make that doctrine, something we MUST follow as Christians, but look at selling all of our things to give to the poor as just a suggestion… they’re mentioned just as often, and arguably, taking the passage from Acts, the concept of commonality is mentioned more.

I like the idea of working side by side, for the same things, the same heart. Unity, like Jesus prayed that his bride would have.

I don’t agree with the welfare system. I know it’s helped lots of people before, but I think that the government is doing the job of the church. I think the church should be helping the lame, the crippled, the widow, and the orphan. I think that if as a church, meaning the whole body of Christ, globally, caught the vision of the early church, than there would be no need for our government to stand in place of what God’s people should be doing, and we would eliminate so many needs. I know I sound idealistic, but I’m talking about the Kingdom of God, His kingdom operates on a system I don’t understand, but, I think He can do it, if we become willing.

I feel like I have so much to say about this, and I’m sure that it will be something that I sprinkle around my blog from time to time. So, this is all for now.

But just think about how Paul mentioned Priscilla and Aquila as his fellow workers in Christ. Someday, I want to be spoken of that way, someday I want to have people that I can speak of that way. I want to be in a community of people where we can stand and work side by side, for the same things, the same goals, the same passion, and really see Gods kingdom come to earth and watch it grow. Doesn’t that sound thrilling?