Monday, September 6, 2010

So, here's the thing...

I. Miss. Blogging.

So much.

I've been asked by several people in the last 2 weeks to start up again.

And I want to.

But..

I had grand plans.

I started working on it.

I worked myself into a corner.

I talked myself out of this world.

I analyzed things through and through, and now. I'm stuck.

Not in a "writers block" sort of way. But in the "How in the world am I going to do this, the way I want to, sharing the things I need to, in a way that matters, with all of my qualms about it, with all of my ideals behind it, with all the things that matter to me, and all the things that don't matter, and art, and what art means and writing and career and family and money and pursuing dreams and keeping in touch and being private and slow to speak and being outgoing and personable. and truth and hypocrisy and pride and gloating and so. much. stuff." kind of way.

In my last post, I said I was working on a new blog and was going to be starting it with a bang. I think I will be following through with the new blog, just not with a big bang. I kind of want to ease into it. I think. I don't know.

*sigh*

I want to do this. I really do.

I want to write truth. But who wants as much truth as I'm willing to spill?
I want to use my time wisely, so monetizing my blog makes sense. But doesn't that mean I'm butchering the art of blogging, butchering the beauty of, "I have something so important to say that I am going to say it and write it without getting paid for it."?
I want to share my life with people. But I don't want to sit down to get to know someone who already knows me, who knows what to talk about and what not to talk about in my company, because "everyone knows she..." whatever it is.
I want to write about love, food, life, justice and my convictions. But, then people know what I think about those things and after that, there is no way to be casually integrated into a group of normal people. Because, seriously, I've seen people be afraid to ask us over for dinner. And if they get up enough nerve to invite us, they apologize for not having "the right kind of food." Who wants to live like that?
I want to share the ways that we raise our kids, and interact as a family. But things change, and I don't want anyone being influenced by our choices because "what if we're wrong and we screw everything up?" but... if that's *really* how I feel, "why am I writing these things in a blog in the first place?" And "shouldn't I be more confident in our choices?"

Do you see what I mean?

Golly, it's a good thing this is labeled The Ramblings Of.

Are you tired of hearing my whining?

Please, fellow blogger, help me. Really, I'm being as honest as I can be here.

Why do you blog?

Why do you read blogs?

Why is it okay to assume you having something worth saying?

Why do you think someone wants to hear what you think is worth saying?

Why don't you talk yourself out of the things that you think are worth saying because; (lets be real here) it's already been said?

I'm not usually into begging for comments, but, could you just take some time to answer some of these questions?

Here's the new blog. It's... well, just this- Purpose in diapers

3 comments:

brietta said...

I really appreciated and loved this post. You can't even know how many times I have had certain rambles of my own very much like this.

In the end, every time I think, "I'm quitting!" I think about how sad I would be if many of my friends quit blogging. Especially the friends I no longer live near. I more and more appreciate the blogs that are written like a casual letter to a friend and less like a sermon from a pulpit. There's nothing wrong with sharing a message and there are a few blogs I still read that are simply thought-provoking, inspiring blogs. But overall? When I open my reader, I want to see pictures of and read stories about other women's lives: who and what they love, how they live, and Why. It gives me ideas, it makes me stop and think about my own life a bit more, their gratitude provokes me to gratitude, and I am reminded that I am not alone in this thing called life. Sure, we all look a little different-- but I love that! I love seeing the creativity of God in people and in their words and in their point of view. It's so amazing to me! And, mostly, I just love staying connected. Facebook is nice... but it barely scratches the surface. Blogging is kind of the next step-- just beneath a phone call, you know?

And there's a rambling sort of answer. Hope you don't mind!

love4thebroken said...

I love to write, period. I have a blog but it rarely gets used, not because I don't write but because I use the conventional method...pen and paper. I would blog more publicly but I get those, "I am not that clever, and I wouldn't be able to convey my thought sin such an artistic way." I know those aren't logical excuses, I know I can write, and well at that!
Time is another issue, I just don't find the time to login, (or even remember my password.) :)
Anyways, I should blog, I am worthy of being heard, I have things to blog about that not everyone has heard before!

Thanks Janice!

Love,

Lissy P...

I might just blog about my first college experience!! :)

Erin said...

I just wanted to let you know I tagged you on my blog. I know it's not exactly what you "do" but getting tagged help bring me back to my blog after months away and maybe a no-pressure style interview would be just right.