Thursday, August 6, 2009

Love is worth it

Oh to be like Jesus.

My soul is in a hurricane of sorts. The atmosphere of this home is one of strife and turmoil. My poor son, 2 ½ years old, dealing bitterly with his sinful nature, this small person, so very much human. I can see that both his 2 year old sized body and 2 year old sized mind are being overwhelmed with all that it is to be human. His strong will, his sinful urges, his raw emotion. I can see just how exhausted he is from putting up this fight, yet how unwilling he is to yield to peace.

I see me.

I see the tumult within myself as I try to suppress the actions that want to make a raging display as my toddler does the same.

I need to find a shelter from the storm. I need to find a place that, despite my surroundings, is peaceful and calm and collected.

It’s 10:00 am, and Gideon is taking his nap now. 2 hours early. He needed the rest. Me too.

To live love is my prayer. To show true love, even amidst adversity, is the greatest thing I could accomplish in this life. I want to do it in my home, behind closed doors, in view of the ones that need me to show them the most love.

It’s quiet.


I just realized that I chose my “Birthing- playlist 2” mix on i-tunes.

To give birth to love is painful. It is difficult and just when you think you can’t do it, just when you think it will never end, just when you think that to die would be better, you start pushing, pressing, releasing and then… love is here.

Love is no easy feat.

Love is worth it.

It’s worth the slaying of your selfishness. It’s worth yielding to peace. It’s worth the sacrifice of will. It’s worth the submission of the need to defend yourself.

Love is worth it.

“… Love; joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…”

I want to be like Jesus. I want to love, truly.

The hurricane has died down. Strife and turmoil are far from here. Love reigns.


just me. said...

beautiful. and just what i needed to read.

(as Tegan is on timeout and i take a few minutes to catch up on e-mails... and blogs;)

love you J.

Christina said...

Oh, how is miss you, Jane!!!

Praying for Gideon...from babysitting, I can identify with this a little...