Monday, December 22, 2008

Gently led

Isaiah 40:11
He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

I have felt so gently led as of late. There are several directions I’ve thought of to take this post… several very different directions. I’m not sure which one I’ll side with. Perhaps, I’ll just type and let my heart led fingers decide. (this has potential to be one of my classically LONG posts… sorry!)

God has been leading me. Out of the few moments I can gather to catch a glimpse of my Savior, He has taken them and turned them into all out reflections. I glance at the title of a book, and He floods my mind with thoughts. I hear one line in a song and immediately He brings scripture to my mind. One sentence spoken by my husband turns into a reminder of Who God is and what he’s done for me.

The other day while at my parents house, Gideon was napping and Silas was nursing, my mom came and sat with me and said, “I’ll bet you didn’t get a chance to have any quiet time with the Lord today.” She was right, not today, not for over 2 weeks, really. She said, I’ve been reading this book here (I think it was something like “the Practice of Godliness”) She started reading. God started showing me my heart.

I wont attempt to quote for you what she read, it wont make much of a difference. With just the first few sentences I lost track of what she was reading, and began listening to the voice of God ringing gently in my mind.

“I pride myself on being (and not being) a certain kind of girl” is a thought I’ve had so many times. This certain kind of girl that I am not, is a very specific kind, its not a bad kind, just a certain kind. (no, I’m not going to tell you what kind of girl I’m talking about!)
About a week ago I had front row seats to a scene of these 2 specific kind of girls, interacting in the way that these specific kind of girls often interact with one another.

I was not impressed, in fact I was disgusted! In my heart I was rolling my eyes, gagging myself and making fun of them in many ways. Of course outwardly I was just observing. Later that night, I reflected on how I felt about my reaction to the scene I observed. I was unremorseful. I did not feel the need to repent, I was “in the right.”

Days later, as my mom read to me from this book, I had an over whelming need for repentance. As I sat in judgment (the very thing I was complaining about to a friend of mine a day earlier) I was stating unapologetically that I considered myself to be superior to these 2 girls. I was stating a claim on my importance, my worth was more valuable than theirs. I was in that moment, everything that Christ was not. I was behaving in such a way that I know displeased God. In the same way a parent wants and requests their children to love one another, and becomes disappointed with them when they don’t. I was not loving, honoring, supporting, uplifting or submitting to my fellow believers (these 2 girls are Christians) in the way that Christ wants.
I became aware of how not Christ like I was behaving. I was not acting I love, and once more, I became aware at how magnificent the love of Christ is.

1 Corinthians 13
1If I speak in the tongues
of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I am, so very, gently led.

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