Love is worth it

Oh to be like Jesus.

My soul is in a hurricane of sorts. The atmosphere of this home is one of strife and turmoil. My poor son, 2 ½ years old, dealing bitterly with his sinful nature, this small person, so very much human. I can see that both his 2 year old sized body and 2 year old sized mind are being overwhelmed with all that it is to be human. His strong will, his sinful urges, his raw emotion. I can see just how exhausted he is from putting up this fight, yet how unwilling he is to yield to peace.

I see me.

I see the tumult within myself as I try to suppress the actions that want to make a raging display as my toddler does the same.

I need to find a shelter from the storm. I need to find a place that, despite my surroundings, is peaceful and calm and collected.

It’s 10:00 am, and Gideon is taking his nap now. 2 hours early. He needed the rest. Me too.

To live love is my prayer. To show true love, even amidst adversity, is the greatest thing I could accomplish in this life. I want to do it in my home, behind closed doors, in view of the ones that need me to show them the most love.

It’s quiet.

Peaceful.

I just realized that I chose my “Birthing- playlist 2” mix on i-tunes.

To give birth to love is painful. It is difficult and just when you think you can’t do it, just when you think it will never end, just when you think that to die would be better, you start pushing, pressing, releasing and then… love is here.

Love is no easy feat.

Love is worth it.

It’s worth the slaying of your selfishness. It’s worth yielding to peace. It’s worth the sacrifice of will. It’s worth the submission of the need to defend yourself.

Love is worth it.

“… Love; joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…”

I want to be like Jesus. I want to love, truly.

The hurricane has died down. Strife and turmoil are far from here. Love reigns.

blogging = nice>opinion

You know what’s rough? Being nice AND opinionated. Overall, I’m a nice person. I don’t mean to say that I can’t be mean or can’t put up a fuss, I’m just saying that I don’t like to. I’m the person that would rather drink the disgusting chocolate tomato espresso shake that the girl behind the counter accidentally made for me, than to make a fuss about not getting the chocolate mint frappe that I ordered, potentially ruining this girls confidence as a barista … you know?

With that said…

I’m naturally a very opinionated person. I tend to have opinions on nearly everything, and if I get started, I could easily go on for far too long, stating my reasons and my arguments for why I believe what I believe.

This internal tug of war has lead me to write complete rants and essays on subjects that I deem important, that I never end up posting. They sit safely tucked away in my Microsoft Word Processor, never stating controversy, never rocking the boat.

I have opinions on this too… If I heard someone saying this, I’d say “Well, what else do you keep a blog for? If people like what they read, they’ll keep reading, if they don’t like what they’re reading, they’ll stop reading…” Easier said than done I guess.

I keep saying on facebook that I’m blogging, but never post stuff on my blog… this is why.

Feminism
Birth Control
Fear based parenting
Medicine
Breast feeding
Marriage
Purpose

I just want to be nice. I don’t want to offend you. As my lovely sister would say; “I really need to grow a pair“.. Or do I?

P.S. As I’m reading this over before I post, I’m chuckling to myself because in my fictional example I had to put an absurd drink to be the “disgusting one” because I didn’t want to accidentally put one of your favorite drinks… ugh!

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

My how I’ve missed you! How I long to spend hours typing my thoughts, and send them into cyber space where I feel they receive some sense of validation.

I cannot describe the endless amounts of blogging topics that have run through my mind, a snapshot here, a quote there, sprinkled with little stories of my life. Alas- these things have been lost to cyber space. Only to be held in some secret part of my mind. Like Mary, Jesus’ mother, I shall take these things and ponder them in my heart. For after all, this is what I was told to do. To take a step back from the public eye, and spend this time away from you, to learn first, loneliness, and through that, dependence on my God, Jehovah.

That is not to say it has been easy, nor is to say I will never return. I simply must be obedient to the things I have been instructed to do.

Good bye again -

Janice


UPDATE
:: Mood- a little dramatic. Can you tell?

:: Kids- growing at what I deem to be an unnatural rate. TOO FAST! Beautiful, loving, teething, challenging, briliant.

:: Husband- still as goofy and corny as ever. Loved by me more now, than ever. Can’t wait to start his own business. Tired of working “for the man.” Just told me how much he LOVES the “Burts Bees Shave Cream” that we bought a few weeks ago.

:: House - Getting there. AND my beautiful sister Joy moved in with us! YAY! I’m helping her get dreadlox (I’ve seen so many spellings for that, I went with the fun one) That is not why she moved in. I’m just telling you because it’s fun. : )

:: Garden - LOVLY! Spinach. Peas. Beets. Garlic. Tomato’s. Carrots. Peppers. Flowers.

Hi again!

Hi friends! Just a few things...

:: Computer screen - still broken, but we were given a replacement monitor! YAY!

:: Now we just need to get internet... then again, maybe not. : ) I can now do Facebook on my phone... I just like to keep in touch with people who I usually wouldn't get to keep in touch with. So, I'm in no hurry for yet another distraction... again!

:: I'm trying my hand at a new routine system. Maybe I'll share it some time in detail. For now I'll just say I'm finally having some inspiration as to how to arrange my day, around my husbands ever changing schedule.

:: Garden - coming along!!! Couldn't be happier about that! : ) Someday I'll share the book I've gone by.

:: I'm going to blog much less frequently... lol, I know, you can't blog much less than I have been lately, but I'm feeling inspiration to write. Just not blogs. I'm going to spend some time actually working on my other projects, and try to release some of the ideas I have zooming around my head.

:: I'll still be posting stuff, but I'm going to use the ramblingsof as more of just a rambling outlet - you know, like small talk over coffee, and a glance at my photo albums. That's what I intended this blog to be - an it's going back to it's roots. : )

:: My kids are doing so well!!! Silas is growing to be huge! He has 2 teeth! Gideon is growing so quick, and I'm feeling a little apprehensive about raising a child as brilliant as he is... I know that sounds silly, but really, he's very smart, and I'm just not so sure how up to the challenge I am. It's good to know God chose me to give him to, so at least I know God thinks I can do it, which really, is what counts. : )

:: I still miss everyone, but I have a secret to tell you... I still read your blogs - but I do it on my phone, so commenting is really... well, actually I think it's impossible, if it's not impossible, it's at least really hard. : ) So I hear what's going on with you, and if you're looking to see what's going on over here - Facebook me some time. =D

Hello?

Hello, anybody out there?

Just wanted to say that I am loving my blogging vacation. : )

God is doing a lot in my heart. The kinds of things that are so deep and so secret that you can hardly put it into words. The kinds of things that make you excited about life, and looking forward to all the rest that God is going to do. Do you know what I mean?

Things are good, life is good, God is good. I love my boys, and even though Gideon is 2 now... my boys are good too! : )

I do miss everyone though. : )

R and R by force

COMPUTER - BROKEN

I'll be back when I can... here and there.

I'm thankful for a little forced break. ; )

I think next time will be - "Basement... here it is!" Or "Gideon and his butterflies." : )

~Blessings~

A misty dream

Funny, what comes forth from your soul, when you have a creative avenue.

I am very tired of winter. Looking forward to spring, because I know it will come. Eventually.

It’s cold, gloomy, lonely and at times, ferocious. I just want things to be warm, and sunny. I want mild weather. I want the lovely rain of springtime and the flowers that it brings.

And then I realize; this “season” in my life, and for a lot of other people, feels very much like winter. It’s a winter that has lasted in one way or another, for about a year. I look forward to springtime. I want things to feel warm and welcoming again. I want a cool soaking rain, and I want the flowers to poke their heads out again. I want sunshine, and I want rainbows. I want EVERYTHING to be okay. Not just for me, but for all the people that I love.

I look forward to springtime - in so many ways. I know it will come. Eventually.

I enjoy my “magnetic poetry kit” so much. It was my very first Mothers day present. Quite fitting actually, even if I just have a minute or two, I can form a poetic phrase. I’m always shocked as to what comes out, which words stand out to me, and how I put them together.

Indeed, I am anticipating springtime, in so many ways. I suppose, winter is what makes springtime so enjoyable.