So, here's the thing...

I. Miss. Blogging.

So much.

I've been asked by several people in the last 2 weeks to start up again.

And I want to.

But..

I had grand plans.

I started working on it.

I worked myself into a corner.

I talked myself out of this world.

I analyzed things through and through, and now. I'm stuck.

Not in a "writers block" sort of way. But in the "How in the world am I going to do this, the way I want to, sharing the things I need to, in a way that matters, with all of my qualms about it, with all of my ideals behind it, with all the things that matter to me, and all the things that don't matter, and art, and what art means and writing and career and family and money and pursuing dreams and keeping in touch and being private and slow to speak and being outgoing and personable. and truth and hypocrisy and pride and gloating and so. much. stuff." kind of way.

In my last post, I said I was working on a new blog and was going to be starting it with a bang. I think I will be following through with the new blog, just not with a big bang. I kind of want to ease into it. I think. I don't know.

*sigh*

I want to do this. I really do.

I want to write truth. But who wants as much truth as I'm willing to spill?
I want to use my time wisely, so monetizing my blog makes sense. But doesn't that mean I'm butchering the art of blogging, butchering the beauty of, "I have something so important to say that I am going to say it and write it without getting paid for it."?
I want to share my life with people. But I don't want to sit down to get to know someone who already knows me, who knows what to talk about and what not to talk about in my company, because "everyone knows she..." whatever it is.
I want to write about love, food, life, justice and my convictions. But, then people know what I think about those things and after that, there is no way to be casually integrated into a group of normal people. Because, seriously, I've seen people be afraid to ask us over for dinner. And if they get up enough nerve to invite us, they apologize for not having "the right kind of food." Who wants to live like that?
I want to share the ways that we raise our kids, and interact as a family. But things change, and I don't want anyone being influenced by our choices because "what if we're wrong and we screw everything up?" but... if that's *really* how I feel, "why am I writing these things in a blog in the first place?" And "shouldn't I be more confident in our choices?"

Do you see what I mean?

Golly, it's a good thing this is labeled The Ramblings Of.

Are you tired of hearing my whining?

Please, fellow blogger, help me. Really, I'm being as honest as I can be here.

Why do you blog?

Why do you read blogs?

Why is it okay to assume you having something worth saying?

Why do you think someone wants to hear what you think is worth saying?

Why don't you talk yourself out of the things that you think are worth saying because; (lets be real here) it's already been said?

I'm not usually into begging for comments, but, could you just take some time to answer some of these questions?

Here's the new blog. It's... well, just this- Purpose in diapers

Fun things

Hi friends!

I've not been spending a lot of time around these parts because I'm working on a TOP SECRET PROJECT! Well, not really... I'm working on a new blog. It's been slow going (which seems to be a trend these days.) Once it's just the way I want it, I think I'm going to have a blog launching event. Wouldn't that be fun?

For now, I'm posting to let you know about another event!






Should be interesting. : )

The job, Great is HIS Faithfulness

*Please imagine that we are now entering a dream sequence. The likes of Mr. Rogers entering the Land Of Make-believe, as the chime-y music plays and the present fades out, as we step into a vague place of what was*

Sorry, I’m in a goofy mood!

Well, one time, I absolutely knew that I was supposed to *not* do something. I was, however, scared to *not* do that thing. I believe that God had instructed my conscience to be wired in such a way so as to know I was not doing what I ought to be doing. You follow? Good.

I was being disobedient to my creator. He loves me, and respects my wishes, so He allowed me to continue to be disobedient. And I carried on in my disobedience because I was scared. Not knowing that my maker had good things planned for me and by not obeying, I was holding those blessings at bay. Fear and obedience is a funny combo. One I don’t recommend.

Finally, I came to a place where I could trust Jesus enough to just obey, and things worked out pretty good. No, that is a terribly under-exaggerated statement. Life as I know it would not be as wonderful and delightful as it is now, had I not obeyed. Lets just say, I’m glad I finally gave in!

*Chime-y music begins again, as we make our way back to the present…*

So, here we are. I need to tell about Marks job situation.

We’ve been learning and growing so much in the past 2 years. We’ve received greater direction for our lives and very clear ideals that we wish to live by. The new line of thought is very multi-faceted, and we know we’re just on the brink of a lifetime of discovering what God has for us and how He wants us to live. Part of this revelation included an avoidance of being patrons of large corporations and a self employed non-dependant-on-any-particular-company kind of lifestyle. So, it seemed sort of funny, for example, to not shop at Walmart, while Mark was selling phones for Verizon Wireless in order to earn money for us to live. You know? Well, it was probably in August of ‘09, when we both, separately felt that it was time for Mark to quite his job working for Verizon Wireless. Easy enough. No. We were scared. How can you just quit a good job when you have a family to take care of? So we waited. In other words, we were being disobedient to the one who has the very best for us. Because of fear.

Life was not very pretty in that time frame. I’m not saying that God went out of his way to make us miserable. I am saying that as we were increasingly, willingly moving outside of his perfect intentions for us, we were becoming less and less happy.

Finally, on the Sunday before Thanksgiving, we decided we had enough. Sitting in the nursing mothers room at our church, with no one around but us, we remembered how we had been disobedient before, and how we had conquered fear and submitted to the good things that God had in store for us (remember the dream sequence?) Having remembered this we fully realized that we could no longer, having any sort of a brain, continue being disobedient. So it was decided, in 5 days, following “black Friday,” Mark would put in his 2 weeks notice. It was settled and we began making a list of things we could sell, in order to help us get by until we knew what was next. (sorry for the run-on sentences. It’s been one of my biggest writing flaws for as long as I can remember. If you’re reading this dad, I’M SORRY!!!!)

The next day, Mark went into work and was feeling really good about starting the 5 day countdown, when he was called to the office and dismissed from his job, due to economic reasons. WOW!

So, even though the United States government is pretty much the largest corporation there is, we qualified for unemployment, because of being fired. We would not have had that, had he quit. We took this as a sign that we were, indeed, following the perfect will of our creator. That was very exciting for us!

On top of that, when Mark first started working at Verizon, it was a really good thing for our family. But he was having a very hard time adjusting to a corporation. (he worked as a “custodial engineer” for a private college before switching to VZW) Somewhere in the first few weeks on the new job, he was reminded of the song “Great is Thy Faithfulness.” That glorious hymn became an anthem of sorts for us, Mark especially. God had indeed provided this job for him, and He was faithful to help him along the way.

Upon being laid off from Verizon, Mark gathered up his belongings, bid his farewells and got in the car. Only to turn it on and hear the beginning notes of “Great is Thy Faithfulness.” God was faithful to provide and faithful to take away. Great is His faithfulness indeed!

So what’s next?

Stay tuned. : )

How to help on a budget.

Did I say I was going to tell you about Mark's job situation...? Oh yes about that... well... Yeah, I'll get to it. For now; read this!

Remember my series on "ethical consumerism" looks like I'm going 'round that mountain again.

There are people all over the world, who starve. Everyday. We know this. We understand the global crisis we are in. My hope is that each family commits to meeting the needs of the victims of this crisis on a regular basis. But sometimes, something happens. Something big enough to grab the whole worlds attention and inspire the more fortunate to help the less fortunate. Sometimes, it takes something as terrible as an earthquake, hitting a country so poor that every structure, barely standing in the first place, is reduced to nothing but rubble.

It is nearly unimaginable to think of a country as ill equipped as Haiti to deal with a natural disaster of this magnitude.

So, we step in.

If you live on more than $2.00 a day, you are among the worlds richest 20%.

When you put it that way, donating funds to humanitarian efforts in Haiti seems like an easy task.

But then you start paying bills…

And suddenly, you realize that you’re spent.

You want to help, but how?

I’ll start out by saying this, Haiti doesn’t need your old stuff. See the article affectionately called No one needs your old shoes, how not to help in Haiti

The only way to truly be of any help at all is by prayer and monetary donation. But if you’re like us, a young family with one income and a few little kids, you’ve got a pretty tight budget to adhere to.

So what do we do? We juggle. We give something up, because right now, in this instance, it means love.

Have you ever heard the stories about what people at home in the States did during the world wars? They did things like flatten their rolls of toilet paper so that they could fit more rolls in a box and save on shipping costs. They did things like eating fish instead of beef so that the government could ship more grain to the troops instead of using it to feed cattle. They had civilian rations. They gave something up, because everyone had to do something.

What can you give up?

We have started small and I have a feeling it’s going to grow. For now, we’ve halted all eating out, including the “grabbing a snack to eat at the grocery store” habit that I’ve been wanting to snub for a while now. (Like I said this is a small start because our idea of “eating out” is ordering a medium pizza 2 or 3 times a month.) Also, I’ve been slowly savoring the bag of chocolate chips in the pantry because I know, when that’s gone, the only time I’ll eat chocolate is when I’m offered it somewhere outside of our home. I’ve also pulled out all of my cheapest and longest penny stretching meal ideas that I’ve ever had. At the end of the month, we’ll see just how far these little changes have brought us. Any and all money that we’ve saved will then be donated to World Vision. We trust this charity and have been a part of their efforts for many, many years.

I encourage you to think about your spending habits. Look over your budget and see where you can juggle a little, choose something to give up for a while. And commit to actually donating the money you saved. You’ll be glad you did.

Merry Christmas!

Hi friends!

Right now I’m chuckling to myself… remember that last post??? Yeah… that didn’t work the way I thought it was going to. Anyway, 3 months later and here we are. : )

So much has happened and I have too little time to tell you all about it.

Right now I’m trying to prepare for tonight’s Christmas party, bake pumpkin cheesecake bites (I’ll have to share the recipe soon!) and clean my house for when my mother-in-law comes to baby-sit… also, I have a very active 1 year old climbing all over me. Why am I blogging now? Well, because we haven’t had internet for months and we just randomly picked up a weak signal… I’m seizing opportunity. : )

The herbalist certification is slow going, but that’s okay, I knew it would take a while.

Gideon is growing like some sort of crazy smart, large vocabulary weed. I love it, he’s always coming up with the silliest of things. He loves “playing bass” just like daddy and keeps saying that in “Freb-ry-ary” he’ll be 3 and then he’ll be able to drive. When we tell him that 3 year olds are not allowed to drive he says, “okay, well, when I’m 6.” He is also completely potty trained, even through the night!

Silas is wonderful, he’s been walking since just a few weeks after his first step at 8 ½ months! He’s working on getting all 4 first year molars at once and has several delightful curls all around the back of his head. He also thinks that his big brother is the singly most, cool person in the world.

We’ve sort of, after a really long evolution of sleeping arrangements, graduated to a “family bed.” Which we know will not be permanent, but for now, in this stage of our lives, it’s good.

Mark no longer works for Verizon Wireless. We aren’t sure what the next step for us will be, but we are excited! Someday I will have to tell you the whole line of events that brought us to where we are now. We have been seeking God for what’s to come next, and so far, we haven’t heard much. But we are open to anything, including relocation. For now, Mark is just home with us, which is wonderful, especially because we’ve all been sick back and forth for weeks. He’s also trying his hand at wood working, something he’s wanted to do for a long time, but hasn’t had a chance, ‘til now.

Life is beautiful. We love Jesus, and everyday our little family becomes stronger.

Merry Christmas, peace and blessing to you and your family.

Tryin Structure

I’m not a very structured person. I don’t mind. It’s not like my life is a big hairy ball of chaos, I just don’t eat my meals at the same time everyday, sometimes I dance instead of washing the dishes. Sometimes I clean the whole house one day, and do absolutely nothing “productive” the next day… it’s just how I roll. I like it that way, my kids are learning flexibility, which is really important to me.

However- (there is always a However, or is it an However? At any rate) I’m going to try some structure, we’ll see how it goes. : )

I’m going to be taking an Herbalist certification class. I’m really excited about it. I am taking the class from a mom of one of the girls that attend our Youth Group. I can do it all from home and can work at my own pace. So cool!

I’m thinking that in order to keep myself regularly studying, I’m going to need a few things that are daily, some things that are consistent. So, I’m going to attempt to do a little studying every day, hopefully around the same time everyday. I’m also going to see if I can post something on my blog everyday. I’ve devised a plan. A schedule of sorts, I know this is nothing new to the blogging world, just something new to me and theramblingsof. : )

Here it goes - When I get about a week ahead of myself I will start posting, and we’ll see how long it lasts.
I’ll be posting:
Sunday’s Song - Sharing the lyrics to a song that has been specifically meaningful to me, I always have a few for the moment, no matter what moment it is.
Miscellaneous Monday - obviously, I’ll be posting something that doesn’t really have a category.
Tuesday’s tip - Sharing about something that’s been helpful/useful for us.
Wordless Wednesday - I love when people do those, just a picture, no explanation, it seems so artful doesn’t it? I’ll post a photo, and not write up anything about. I will, however (see, there it is again), allow myself to write something in the comments section, in regard to questions about the photo.
Theology Thursday - It’s where I’ll pretend to be deep. ; ) Theology (the-ol-o-gy) 1. Study of religion: study of religion, especially the Christian faith and Gods relation to the world.
For Fun Friday - Something goofy, like tu-tu’s and sidewalk chalk, like giggles and bubbles.
Silent Saturday - I’ll not post anything this day.

What do you think?

Love is worth it

Oh to be like Jesus.

My soul is in a hurricane of sorts. The atmosphere of this home is one of strife and turmoil. My poor son, 2 ½ years old, dealing bitterly with his sinful nature, this small person, so very much human. I can see that both his 2 year old sized body and 2 year old sized mind are being overwhelmed with all that it is to be human. His strong will, his sinful urges, his raw emotion. I can see just how exhausted he is from putting up this fight, yet how unwilling he is to yield to peace.

I see me.

I see the tumult within myself as I try to suppress the actions that want to make a raging display as my toddler does the same.

I need to find a shelter from the storm. I need to find a place that, despite my surroundings, is peaceful and calm and collected.

It’s 10:00 am, and Gideon is taking his nap now. 2 hours early. He needed the rest. Me too.

To live love is my prayer. To show true love, even amidst adversity, is the greatest thing I could accomplish in this life. I want to do it in my home, behind closed doors, in view of the ones that need me to show them the most love.

It’s quiet.

Peaceful.

I just realized that I chose my “Birthing- playlist 2” mix on i-tunes.

To give birth to love is painful. It is difficult and just when you think you can’t do it, just when you think it will never end, just when you think that to die would be better, you start pushing, pressing, releasing and then… love is here.

Love is no easy feat.

Love is worth it.

It’s worth the slaying of your selfishness. It’s worth yielding to peace. It’s worth the sacrifice of will. It’s worth the submission of the need to defend yourself.

Love is worth it.

“… Love; joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…”

I want to be like Jesus. I want to love, truly.

The hurricane has died down. Strife and turmoil are far from here. Love reigns.