The Ramblings Of

So, here's the thing...

2010-09-06T19:05:00.000-07:00

I. Miss. Blogging.

So much.

I've been asked by several people in the last 2 weeks to start up again.

And I want to.

But..

I had grand plans.

I started working on it.

I worked myself into a corner.

I talked myself out of this world.

I analyzed things through and through, and now. I'm stuck.

Not in a "writers block" sort of way. But in the "How in the world am I going to do this, the way I want to, sharing the things I need to, in a way that matters, with all of my qualms about it, with all of my ideals behind it, with all the things that matter to me, and all the things that don't matter, and art, and what art means and writing and career and family and money and pursuing dreams and keeping in touch and being private and slow to speak and being outgoing and personable. and truth and hypocrisy and pride and gloating and so. much. stuff." kind of way.

In my last post, I said I was working on a new blog and was going to be starting it with a bang. I think I will be following through with the new blog, just not with a big bang. I kind of want to ease into it. I think. I don't know.

*sigh*

I want to do this. I really do.

I want to write truth. But who wants as much truth as I'm willing to spill?
I want to use my time wisely, so monetizing my blog makes sense. But doesn't that mean I'm butchering the art of blogging, butchering the beauty of, "I have something so important to say that I am going to say it and write it without getting paid for it."?
I want to share my life with people. But I don't want to sit down to get to know someone who already knows me, who knows what to talk about and what not to talk about in my company, because "everyone knows she..." whatever it is.
I want to write about love, food, life, justice and my convictions. But, then people know what I think about those things and after that, there is no way to be casually integrated into a group of normal people. Because, seriously, I've seen people be afraid to ask us over for dinner. And if they get up enough nerve to invite us, they apologize for not having "the right kind of food." Who wants to live like that?
I want to share the ways that we raise our kids, and interact as a family. But things change, and I don't want anyone being influenced by our choices because "what if we're wrong and we screw everything up?" but... if that's *really* how I feel, "why am I writing these things in a blog in the first place?" And "shouldn't I be more confident in our choices?"

Do you see what I mean?

Golly, it's a good thing this is labeled The Ramblings Of.

Are you tired of hearing my whining?

Please, fellow blogger, help me. Really, I'm being as honest as I can be here.

Why do you blog?

Why do you read blogs?

Why is it okay to assume you having something worth saying?

Why do you think someone wants to hear what you think is worth saying?

Why don't you talk yourself out of the things that you think are worth saying because; (lets be real here) it's already been said?

I'm not usually into begging for comments, but, could you just take some time to answer some of these questions?

Here's the new blog. It's... well, just this- Purpose in diapers

Fun things

2010-03-04T10:41:00.000-08:00

Hi friends!

I've not been spending a lot of time around these parts because I'm working on a TOP SECRET PROJECT! Well, not really... I'm working on a new blog. It's been slow going (which seems to be a trend these days.) Once it's just the way I want it, I think I'm going to have a blog launching event. Wouldn't that be fun?

For now, I'm posting to let you know about another event!

Should be interesting. : )

The job, Great is HIS Faithfulness

2010-01-28T12:36:00.000-08:00

*Please imagine that we are now entering a dream sequence. The likes of Mr. Rogers entering the Land Of Make-believe, as the chime-y music plays and the present fades out, as we step into a vague place of what was*

Sorry, I’m in a goofy mood!

Well, one time, I absolutely knew that I was supposed to *not* do something. I was, however, scared to *not* do that thing. I believe that God had instructed my conscience to be wired in such a way so as to know I was not doing what I ought to be doing. You follow? Good.

I was being disobedient to my creator. He loves me, and respects my wishes, so He allowed me to continue to be disobedient. And I carried on in my disobedience because I was scared. Not knowing that my maker had good things planned for me and by not obeying, I was holding those blessings at bay. Fear and obedience is a funny combo. One I don’t recommend.

Finally, I came to a place where I could trust Jesus enough to just obey, and things worked out pretty good. No, that is a terribly under-exaggerated statement. Life as I know it would not be as wonderful and delightful as it is now, had I not obeyed. Lets just say, I’m glad I finally gave in!

*Chime-y music begins again, as we make our way back to the present…*

So, here we are. I need to tell about Marks job situation.

We’ve been learning and growing so much in the past 2 years. We’ve received greater direction for our lives and very clear ideals that we wish to live by. The new line of thought is very multi-faceted, and we know we’re just on the brink of a lifetime of discovering what God has for us and how He wants us to live. Part of this revelation included an avoidance of being patrons of large corporations and a self employed non-dependant-on-any-particular-company kind of lifestyle. So, it seemed sort of funny, for example, to not shop at Walmart, while Mark was selling phones for Verizon Wireless in order to earn money for us to live. You know? Well, it was probably in August of ‘09, when we both, separately felt that it was time for Mark to quite his job working for Verizon Wireless. Easy enough. No. We were scared. How can you just quit a good job when you have a family to take care of? So we waited. In other words, we were being disobedient to the one who has the very best for us. Because of fear.

Life was not very pretty in that time frame. I’m not saying that God went out of his way to make us miserable. I am saying that as we were increasingly, willingly moving outside of his perfect intentions for us, we were becoming less and less happy.

Finally, on the Sunday before Thanksgiving, we decided we had enough. Sitting in the nursing mothers room at our church, with no one around but us, we remembered how we had been disobedient before, and how we had conquered fear and submitted to the good things that God had in store for us (remember the dream sequence?) Having remembered this we fully realized that we could no longer, having any sort of a brain, continue being disobedient. So it was decided, in 5 days, following “black Friday,” Mark would put in his 2 weeks notice. It was settled and we began making a list of things we could sell, in order to help us get by until we knew what was next. (sorry for the run-on sentences. It’s been one of my biggest writing flaws for as long as I can remember. If you’re reading this dad, I’M SORRY!!!!)

The next day, Mark went into work and was feeling really good about starting the 5 day countdown, when he was called to the office and dismissed from his job, due to economic reasons. WOW!

So, even though the United States government is pretty much the largest corporation there is, we qualified for unemployment, because of being fired. We would not have had that, had he quit. We took this as a sign that we were, indeed, following the perfect will of our creator. That was very exciting for us!

On top of that, when Mark first started working at Verizon, it was a really good thing for our family. But he was having a very hard time adjusting to a corporation. (he worked as a “custodial engineer” for a private college before switching to VZW) Somewhere in the first few weeks on the new job, he was reminded of the song “Great is Thy Faithfulness.” That glorious hymn became an anthem of sorts for us, Mark especially. God had indeed provided this job for him, and He was faithful to help him along the way.

Upon being laid off from Verizon, Mark gathered up his belongings, bid his farewells and got in the car. Only to turn it on and hear the beginning notes of “Great is Thy Faithfulness.” God was faithful to provide and faithful to take away. Great is His faithfulness indeed!

So what’s next?

Stay tuned. : )

How to help on a budget.

2010-01-23T18:54:00.000-08:00

Did I say I was going to tell you about Mark's job situation...? Oh yes about that... well... Yeah, I'll get to it. For now; read this!

Remember my series on "ethical consumerism" looks like I'm going 'round that mountain again.

There are people all over the world, who starve. Everyday. We know this. We understand the global crisis we are in. My hope is that each family commits to meeting the needs of the victims of this crisis on a regular basis. But sometimes, something happens. Something big enough to grab the whole worlds attention and inspire the more fortunate to help the less fortunate. Sometimes, it takes something as terrible as an earthquake, hitting a country so poor that every structure, barely standing in the first place, is reduced to nothing but rubble.

It is nearly unimaginable to think of a country as ill equipped as Haiti to deal with a natural disaster of this magnitude.

So, we step in.

If you live on more than $2.00 a day, you are among the worlds richest 20%.

When you put it that way, donating funds to humanitarian efforts in Haiti seems like an easy task.

But then you start paying bills…

And suddenly, you realize that you’re spent.

You want to help, but how?

I’ll start out by saying this, Haiti doesn’t need your old stuff. See the article affectionately called No one needs your old shoes, how not to help in Haiti

The only way to truly be of any help at all is by prayer and monetary donation. But if you’re like us, a young family with one income and a few little kids, you’ve got a pretty tight budget to adhere to.

So what do we do? We juggle. We give something up, because right now, in this instance, it means love.

Have you ever heard the stories about what people at home in the States did during the world wars? They did things like flatten their rolls of toilet paper so that they could fit more rolls in a box and save on shipping costs. They did things like eating fish instead of beef so that the government could ship more grain to the troops instead of using it to feed cattle. They had civilian rations. They gave something up, because everyone had to do something.

What can you give up?

We have started small and I have a feeling it’s going to grow. For now, we’ve halted all eating out, including the “grabbing a snack to eat at the grocery store” habit that I’ve been wanting to snub for a while now. (Like I said this is a small start because our idea of “eating out” is ordering a medium pizza 2 or 3 times a month.) Also, I’ve been slowly savoring the bag of chocolate chips in the pantry because I know, when that’s gone, the only time I’ll eat chocolate is when I’m offered it somewhere outside of our home. I’ve also pulled out all of my cheapest and longest penny stretching meal ideas that I’ve ever had. At the end of the month, we’ll see just how far these little changes have brought us. Any and all money that we’ve saved will then be donated to World Vision. We trust this charity and have been a part of their efforts for many, many years.

I encourage you to think about your spending habits. Look over your budget and see where you can juggle a little, choose something to give up for a while. And commit to actually donating the money you saved. You’ll be glad you did.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-19T12:10:00.000-08:00

Hi friends!

Right now I’m chuckling to myself… remember that last post??? Yeah… that didn’t work the way I thought it was going to. Anyway, 3 months later and here we are. : )

So much has happened and I have too little time to tell you all about it.

Right now I’m trying to prepare for tonight’s Christmas party, bake pumpkin cheesecake bites (I’ll have to share the recipe soon!) and clean my house for when my mother-in-law comes to baby-sit… also, I have a very active 1 year old climbing all over me. Why am I blogging now? Well, because we haven’t had internet for months and we just randomly picked up a weak signal… I’m seizing opportunity. : )

The herbalist certification is slow going, but that’s okay, I knew it would take a while.

Gideon is growing like some sort of crazy smart, large vocabulary weed. I love it, he’s always coming up with the silliest of things. He loves “playing bass” just like daddy and keeps saying that in “Freb-ry-ary” he’ll be 3 and then he’ll be able to drive. When we tell him that 3 year olds are not allowed to drive he says, “okay, well, when I’m 6.” He is also completely potty trained, even through the night!

Silas is wonderful, he’s been walking since just a few weeks after his first step at 8 ½ months! He’s working on getting all 4 first year molars at once and has several delightful curls all around the back of his head. He also thinks that his big brother is the singly most, cool person in the world.

We’ve sort of, after a really long evolution of sleeping arrangements, graduated to a “family bed.” Which we know will not be permanent, but for now, in this stage of our lives, it’s good.

Mark no longer works for Verizon Wireless. We aren’t sure what the next step for us will be, but we are excited! Someday I will have to tell you the whole line of events that brought us to where we are now. We have been seeking God for what’s to come next, and so far, we haven’t heard much. But we are open to anything, including relocation. For now, Mark is just home with us, which is wonderful, especially because we’ve all been sick back and forth for weeks. He’s also trying his hand at wood working, something he’s wanted to do for a long time, but hasn’t had a chance, ‘til now.

Life is beautiful. We love Jesus, and everyday our little family becomes stronger.

Merry Christmas, peace and blessing to you and your family.

Tryin Structure

2009-09-08T08:01:00.000-07:00

I’m not a very structured person. I don’t mind. It’s not like my life is a big hairy ball of chaos, I just don’t eat my meals at the same time everyday, sometimes I dance instead of washing the dishes. Sometimes I clean the whole house one day, and do absolutely nothing “productive” the next day… it’s just how I roll. I like it that way, my kids are learning flexibility, which is really important to me.

However- (there is always a However, or is it an However? At any rate) I’m going to try some structure, we’ll see how it goes. : )

I’m going to be taking an Herbalist certification class. I’m really excited about it. I am taking the class from a mom of one of the girls that attend our Youth Group. I can do it all from home and can work at my own pace. So cool!

I’m thinking that in order to keep myself regularly studying, I’m going to need a few things that are daily, some things that are consistent. So, I’m going to attempt to do a little studying every day, hopefully around the same time everyday. I’m also going to see if I can post something on my blog everyday. I’ve devised a plan. A schedule of sorts, I know this is nothing new to the blogging world, just something new to me and theramblingsof. : )

Here it goes - When I get about a week ahead of myself I will start posting, and we’ll see how long it lasts.
I’ll be posting:
Sunday’s Song - Sharing the lyrics to a song that has been specifically meaningful to me, I always have a few for the moment, no matter what moment it is.
Miscellaneous Monday - obviously, I’ll be posting something that doesn’t really have a category.
Tuesday’s tip - Sharing about something that’s been helpful/useful for us.
Wordless Wednesday - I love when people do those, just a picture, no explanation, it seems so artful doesn’t it? I’ll post a photo, and not write up anything about. I will, however (see, there it is again), allow myself to write something in the comments section, in regard to questions about the photo.
Theology Thursday - It’s where I’ll pretend to be deep. ; ) Theology (the-ol-o-gy) 1. Study of religion: study of religion, especially the Christian faith and Gods relation to the world.
For Fun Friday - Something goofy, like tu-tu’s and sidewalk chalk, like giggles and bubbles.
Silent Saturday - I’ll not post anything this day.

What do you think?

Love is worth it

2009-08-06T07:46:00.000-07:00

Oh to be like Jesus.

My soul is in a hurricane of sorts. The atmosphere of this home is one of strife and turmoil. My poor son, 2 ½ years old, dealing bitterly with his sinful nature, this small person, so very much human. I can see that both his 2 year old sized body and 2 year old sized mind are being overwhelmed with all that it is to be human. His strong will, his sinful urges, his raw emotion. I can see just how exhausted he is from putting up this fight, yet how unwilling he is to yield to peace.

I see me.

I see the tumult within myself as I try to suppress the actions that want to make a raging display as my toddler does the same.

I need to find a shelter from the storm. I need to find a place that, despite my surroundings, is peaceful and calm and collected.

It’s 10:00 am, and Gideon is taking his nap now. 2 hours early. He needed the rest. Me too.

To live love is my prayer. To show true love, even amidst adversity, is the greatest thing I could accomplish in this life. I want to do it in my home, behind closed doors, in view of the ones that need me to show them the most love.

It’s quiet.

Peaceful.

I just realized that I chose my “Birthing- playlist 2” mix on i-tunes.

To give birth to love is painful. It is difficult and just when you think you can’t do it, just when you think it will never end, just when you think that to die would be better, you start pushing, pressing, releasing and then… love is here.

Love is no easy feat.

Love is worth it.

It’s worth the slaying of your selfishness. It’s worth yielding to peace. It’s worth the sacrifice of will. It’s worth the submission of the need to defend yourself.

Love is worth it.

“… Love; joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…”

I want to be like Jesus. I want to love, truly.

The hurricane has died down. Strife and turmoil are far from here. Love reigns.

blogging = nice>opinion

2009-07-15T11:20:00.000-07:00

You know what’s rough? Being nice AND opinionated. Overall, I’m a nice person. I don’t mean to say that I can’t be mean or can’t put up a fuss, I’m just saying that I don’t like to. I’m the person that would rather drink the disgusting chocolate tomato espresso shake that the girl behind the counter accidentally made for me, than to make a fuss about not getting the chocolate mint frappe that I ordered, potentially ruining this girls confidence as a barista … you know?

With that said…

I’m naturally a very opinionated person. I tend to have opinions on nearly everything, and if I get started, I could easily go on for far too long, stating my reasons and my arguments for why I believe what I believe.

This internal tug of war has lead me to write complete rants and essays on subjects that I deem important, that I never end up posting. They sit safely tucked away in my Microsoft Word Processor, never stating controversy, never rocking the boat.

I have opinions on this too… If I heard someone saying this, I’d say “Well, what else do you keep a blog for? If people like what they read, they’ll keep reading, if they don’t like what they’re reading, they’ll stop reading…” Easier said than done I guess.

I keep saying on facebook that I’m blogging, but never post stuff on my blog… this is why.

Feminism
Birth Control
Fear based parenting
Medicine
Breast feeding
Marriage
Purpose

I just want to be nice. I don’t want to offend you. As my lovely sister would say; “I really need to grow a pair“.. Or do I?

P.S. As I’m reading this over before I post, I’m chuckling to myself because in my fictional example I had to put an absurd drink to be the “disgusting one” because I didn’t want to accidentally put one of your favorite drinks… ugh!

Dear Blog

2009-06-21T19:25:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog,

My how I’ve missed you! How I long to spend hours typing my thoughts, and send them into cyber space where I feel they receive some sense of validation.

I cannot describe the endless amounts of blogging topics that have run through my mind, a snapshot here, a quote there, sprinkled with little stories of my life. Alas- these things have been lost to cyber space. Only to be held in some secret part of my mind. Like Mary, Jesus’ mother, I shall take these things and ponder them in my heart. For after all, this is what I was told to do. To take a step back from the public eye, and spend this time away from you, to learn first, loneliness, and through that, dependence on my God, Jehovah.

That is not to say it has been easy, nor is to say I will never return. I simply must be obedient to the things I have been instructed to do.

Good bye again -

Janice

UPDATE
:: Mood- a little dramatic. Can you tell?

:: Kids- growing at what I deem to be an unnatural rate. TOO FAST! Beautiful, loving, teething, challenging, briliant.

:: Husband- still as goofy and corny as ever. Loved by me more now, than ever. Can’t wait to start his own business. Tired of working “for the man.” Just told me how much he LOVES the “Burts Bees Shave Cream” that we bought a few weeks ago.

:: House - Getting there. AND my beautiful sister Joy moved in with us! YAY! I’m helping her get dreadlox (I’ve seen so many spellings for that, I went with the fun one) That is not why she moved in. I’m just telling you because it’s fun. : )

:: Garden - LOVLY! Spinach. Peas. Beets. Garlic. Tomato’s. Carrots. Peppers. Flowers.

Hi again!

2009-04-20T19:05:00.000-07:00

Hi friends! Just a few things...

:: Computer screen - still broken, but we were given a replacement monitor! YAY!

:: Now we just need to get internet... then again, maybe not. : ) I can now do Facebook on my phone... I just like to keep in touch with people who I usually wouldn't get to keep in touch with. So, I'm in no hurry for yet another distraction... again!

:: I'm trying my hand at a new routine system. Maybe I'll share it some time in detail. For now I'll just say I'm finally having some inspiration as to how to arrange my day, around my husbands ever changing schedule.

:: Garden - coming along!!! Couldn't be happier about that! : ) Someday I'll share the book I've gone by.

:: I'm going to blog much less frequently... lol, I know, you can't blog much less than I have been lately, but I'm feeling inspiration to write. Just not blogs. I'm going to spend some time actually working on my other projects, and try to release some of the ideas I have zooming around my head.

:: I'll still be posting stuff, but I'm going to use the ramblingsof as more of just a rambling outlet - you know, like small talk over coffee, and a glance at my photo albums. That's what I intended this blog to be - an it's going back to it's roots. : )

:: My kids are doing so well!!! Silas is growing to be huge! He has 2 teeth! Gideon is growing so quick, and I'm feeling a little apprehensive about raising a child as brilliant as he is... I know that sounds silly, but really, he's very smart, and I'm just not so sure how up to the challenge I am. It's good to know God chose me to give him to, so at least I know God thinks I can do it, which really, is what counts. : )

:: I still miss everyone, but I have a secret to tell you... I still read your blogs - but I do it on my phone, so commenting is really... well, actually I think it's impossible, if it's not impossible, it's at least really hard. : ) So I hear what's going on with you, and if you're looking to see what's going on over here - Facebook me some time. =D

Hello?

2009-03-18T10:48:00.000-07:00

Hello, anybody out there?

Just wanted to say that I am loving my blogging vacation. : )

God is doing a lot in my heart. The kinds of things that are so deep and so secret that you can hardly put it into words. The kinds of things that make you excited about life, and looking forward to all the rest that God is going to do. Do you know what I mean?

Things are good, life is good, God is good. I love my boys, and even though Gideon is 2 now... my boys are good too! : )

I do miss everyone though. : )

R and R by force

2009-03-04T17:31:00.000-08:00

COMPUTER - BROKEN

I'll be back when I can... here and there.

I'm thankful for a little forced break. ; )

I think next time will be - "Basement... here it is!" Or "Gideon and his butterflies." : )

~Blessings~

A misty dream

2009-03-01T11:20:00.000-08:00

Funny, what comes forth from your soul, when you have a creative avenue.

I am very tired of winter. Looking forward to spring, because I know it will come. Eventually.

It’s cold, gloomy, lonely and at times, ferocious. I just want things to be warm, and sunny. I want mild weather. I want the lovely rain of springtime and the flowers that it brings.

And then I realize; this “season” in my life, and for a lot of other people, feels very much like winter. It’s a winter that has lasted in one way or another, for about a year. I look forward to springtime. I want things to feel warm and welcoming again. I want a cool soaking rain, and I want the flowers to poke their heads out again. I want sunshine, and I want rainbows. I want EVERYTHING to be okay. Not just for me, but for all the people that I love.

I look forward to springtime - in so many ways. I know it will come. Eventually.

I enjoy my “magnetic poetry kit” so much. It was my very first Mothers day present. Quite fitting actually, even if I just have a minute or two, I can form a poetic phrase. I’m always shocked as to what comes out, which words stand out to me, and how I put them together.

Indeed, I am anticipating springtime, in so many ways. I suppose, winter is what makes springtime so enjoyable.

My Husban!

2009-02-25T13:00:00.001-08:00

I just want to take some time to talk about my husband.

Because really, he’s quite wonderful!

I came down with a pretty hearty sinus/head cold. (Can you catch a virus via blog? Because I read about sick people, then came down with something… just wondering…)

I was feeling awful, Silas had the same kind of thing that I did, so we were up a lot. Mark was exhausted because Gideon had decided to wake up extra early. We got in bed after a long, long day, and, despite his exhaustion, he immediately pulled out our massage book. He was looking up acupressure points for relieving sinus pressure and neck/shoulder pain. I didn’t ask for it, at all, he just did it. (It actually helped quite a bit, it was temporary relief, but relief just the same.)

Here’s the thing though, Mark didn’t get up with Gideon because I was sick. Mark didn’t search our book shelves for the massage book. Mark got up with Gideon because that’s what he does. Every morning that he doesn’t have to work opening shift, he gets up with Gideon. Mark knew exactly where the massage book was, because it’s always right by our bed, because nearly every night he massages my feet, or my shoulders, or my arms, or my back, or my face (which sounds kind of weird, but feels incredible!) Obviously, because he has a book to reference, he’s not just doing a half hearted, lazy massage. He cares enough to spend at least a few minutes before each massage to check certain pressure points, techniques, or special information about the area that he’s working on. I know that’s not normal. My husband is extraordinary!

I could go on writing page after page of all the amazing things he does, and all the wonderful things I love about Mark. I will, however only keep it at this - he loves me so much, and he figures out how to show me that he does. I feel that I don’t deserve him, which is why I’m so thankful that love is not something you must deserve.

I genuinely love to spend time with him. He is my best friend. He is my favorite.

I know not all of my readers are married, but for those of you who are, I encourage you to take some time to see how your spouse is showing you that he loves you. So I guess, consider yourself tagged - Tell me how great your spouse is too. : ) Remember that no one is perfect, and most are almost completely flawed, but focusing on even just a small act of kindness is unusually uplifting. The really great part about speaking good of another, is you can’t speak wrong of them at the same time! : ) Ephesians 4:29-32 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it might impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and evil speak be put away from you, with malice. (assuming malice is already put away from you… if it’s not, do it all at once.) And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

P.S. I have to give my beautiful sister-in-law special credit, because she gave me the massage book along with some wonderful massage lotion a few years ago for Christmas. Thanks Kate!

P.P.S. For those of you not married, just pick someone, anyone, to write about. Or write about Jesus, we all need to hear about how wonderful He is. : )

Ethical consumerism - Save more, live better?

2009-02-24T20:09:00.000-08:00

~Lifestyle - Reducing our standard of living. Looking at every possible way to “cut back.” Sharing, blessing, giving. Selflessness. ~

So, I feel a little silly. The other day, at my parents house, Mark was looking up his usual on-line news sites. There was a little news clip that said something about lowering your standard of living. “Cool, can you play that? It’s kind of funny, that I’ve been blogging about it, and here’s a clip on the same sort of thing.” with a bit of a giggle in his voice he said “Jane, the “standard of living” topic is all over the place. That’s kind of the new biggest news coverage stuff.” “Oh, uh, well, okay. That’s what I get for staying home with the kids all day, with no internet, no TV reception and only the tri-county newspaper to keep me up to date.” : )

APPARENTLY, Anyone who hasn’t been living under a rock has had this “standard of living” stuff coming at them from all sides. So, if I’ve simply been redundant , in adding to the clamor of abc, nbc, cnn, fox news and all the others out there. I’m sorry. Truly I am. I do, however, hope that, unlike the standard media, I have helped to shed a positive light on this subject. I honestly believe that for the average American to WILLFULLY REDUCE their standard of living would be a really good thing. Not because you have to, not because you’re fearful in the presence of a sickly economy, but because you want to have more. More to share, more to bless with, more to give.

Walmart’s new catch phrase is “save more, live better.” (I like “rollback with a smile” better… why’d they have to go and try to get sophisticated? It’s Walmart for goodness sake!) Anyway - I’m still not sure how I feel about this new catch phrase. If the idea of saving, is cutting back on excessive spending, and the idea of living better is living with a higher commitment to charity;

char·i·ty n
1. organization providing charity: an organization that collects money and other voluntary contributions of help for people in need
2. provision of help: the voluntary provision of money, materials, or help to people in need
3. material help: money, materials, or help voluntarily given to people in need
4. tolerant attitude: the willingness to judge people in a tolerant or favorable way
5. impartial love: the impartial love of other people, especially as a Christian virtue

[12th century. Via French charité < Latin caritas < carus "dear"]
Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2005 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
Then I’m all for it. Somehow, I don’t think that’s what they mean… We can, however, glean from this slogan, and choose to save, in order to live more charitably, better.

I read somewhere (disclaimer- I’m just passing along a rumor, I believe it, but quote me not, and do not consider this your daily history lesson) that the idea of a “standard of living” was concocted by the US government, shortly after the industrial revolution. They realized that the average American no longer needed to work to survive. I suppose that people understood that their government wouldn’t just let them starve or die from exposure. So, the government came up with ways to encourage Americans to continually aim for a higher standard of living.

But, when is enough , enough?

God save us from the American dream!

“There is enough to meet everyone’s need, not everyone’s greed” - Gandhi

Funny how God works. This morning we were watching Veggie Tales “Gideon - tube warrior” and I was so comforted when I heard “pa grape” say to “Larry the cucumber” “Trust Him [God] Gideon, He’ll never let you down.” Now, as I write, I hear Steve Green singing on i-tunes Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path.” (This childrens CD is great, “Hide ‘em in your heart” by Steve Green)

I’ll leave you with that.

This concludes “Ethical Consumerism - by Janice Leverenz” Tune in next time to read…

The "sock"

2009-02-23T18:17:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah, here's the sock. I still laugh at myself...

I think I'll keep it. Tucked away as a little reminder, a reminder of so much...

Ethical consumerism - Stewardship, not always what it seems

2009-02-23T18:04:00.000-08:00

~Stewardship - When faced with a purchase I ask myself, can I actually afford this? (Which is far different from “do I have the money for…”) I ask myself “Can I do without this, or figure out how to get this in a better way?” I ask, “What could I do with this money that would serve a greater purpose than this item would?” I ask, “If I don’t purchase this, what will I do with this money?”~

In my last post I addressed most of the first 2 questions. “…Can I actually afford this?“ and “Can I do without this, or figure out how to get this in a better way?”

Now I want to spend some time on the second two questions. “What could I do with this money that would serve a greater purpose than this item would?” I ask, “If I don’t purchase this, what will I do with this money?” I know they seem like kind of the same question. And Maybe you would only need to ask yourself the first question. I, however, need the second question in order to keep myself honest where the previous question is concerned. Here’s my example; If I’m in Target (I thoroughly enjoy that store) and I resist buying a pair of black flip flops for $10.00 because I have a brown pair of flip flops, and I have black flats, I reason with myself and say “even though having a black pair and a brown pair of flip flops would be easier, I could certainly be creative enough to find outfits that would work just as well with either brown flip flops, or black flats.” Then I think to myself “Yes, this is good, $10.00 would pay half of my monthly phone bill. Or I could just stick it in our jar of change that we save for the 30 hour famine (a fund raiser through world vision.) $10.00 would feed 10 kids for a day. I certainly don’t need black flip flops.” Here’s where the second question comes into play. On my way home I realize it’s 1:30 and I haven’t eaten lunch yet. I pull into Tim Horton’s and buy a large mint chocolate ice capp, a chicken salad sandwich on a whole wheat bun, and a honey dipped doughnut. It comes to about $10.00. Blast! Instead of buying black flips flops to make my wardrobe a little easier, instead of paying half of my cell phone bill, instead of feeding 10 children for a whole day, I had lunch 20 minutes earlier than I would have if I waited ‘til I got home and made myself lunch. Should have just gone with the flip flops, at least they would have lasted more than 10 minutes.

Do you know what I mean?

Here’s the thing though - I’m not anti-dining out, in fact, just the other night we went to Pizza Hut and had dinner there. But there was thought behind it, thought put into it. Mark had th day off, we had errands to run, youth group at 7:00, and we had to drop Gideon off at my in-laws before youth group. It was nearing dinnertime when we realized it would be crazy hectic to try to run home, make something for dinner, then get all 4 of us back out the door in time for youth group. So instead, we went to Pizza Hut, had a nice time eating together as a family, I was able to nurse Silas while we waited for our food to come, and everything was calm, relaxed and we had some quality time together. Our alternative option would have been much more stressful and Silas would have cried his head off ’til I could sit to nurse him during dinner, making us late for youth group. So, thank you Jesus and thank you Pizza Hut for an alternative to that!

Dining out isn’t JUST what I’m talking about. I’m trying (and maybe not doing very well) to get a point across.

I suppose this is really what I mean to say; A steward is a property manager: somebody who manages somebody else's property, finances, or household
Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2005 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

If you believe that God has given you your property, finances and household, it is prudent (and far beyond beneficial for everyone) if you give them back to Him. So, if these things are His - consult Him as to what to do with them. I don’t think that the average Bible believing, Jesus loving person is surprised when God leads us to use our money doing something “churchy” like giving to a charity or buying a bag of groceries for a less than well off family. But I personally begin to second guess myself when I start to feel that God wants me to spend money on something less “churchy” like… a pedicure. Yet, several months ago, I did feel that way, and I believe it was God’s leading. My closest girl friend and I have drifted apart a bit, over the last few years (funny how husbands, kids and real jobs will do that, huh?) I honestly believed that God was having me treat my friend, and myself, to a pedicure for her Birthday. And we had a lovely couple of hours together, catching up, and feeling a little closer than we had been. I believe that God was smiling like a father on that sunny autumn afternoon, as he watched 2 woman become 2 little girls again, chatting, giggling relaxing and catching up like they used to. His daughters making time for each other. Doesn’t that seem like something that would make a Daddy happy?

I feel like this kind of thought process can apply to most, if not all money spending situations; What will help build a stage for God to do what he wants?

God, I believe, has created us to be relational. Eating at Pizza Hut, in my opinion was ministry to our family, we didn’t do it out of laziness or neglect, we did it because eating-out was the best dinner situation for us at that point. God wants us to have healthy relationships. Thriving, growing, loving, blessing relationships. If that means God is leading you to treat a friend (and maybe yourself) to a pedicure, at a locally owned, earth friendly salon, then so be it. Because that’s relational ministry, not frivolousness.

P.S. God is so faithful! When you do with God’s money what he wants you to do, he always provides. : ) Always, always, always. Isn’t that incredible?

Ethical consumerism - enough really IS enough

2009-02-19T12:18:00.000-08:00

~Stewardship - When faced with a purchase I ask myself, can I actually afford this? (Which is far different from “do I have the money for…”) I ask myself “Can I do without this, or figure out how to get this in a better way?” I ask, “What could I do with this money that would serve a greater purpose than this item would?” I ask, “If I don’t purchase this, what will I do with this money?”~ (Ethical consumerism - So it starts)

~I’ve come to realize, to an extent, how frivolous we can be. Last April we went credit card free (don’t admire us, I’ll tell all in the next post.) Since then, when I think “hm, food to eat? Or this pair of shorts for Gideon?” the answer is a no brainer. On our one income, you get creative, or you go without. It’s that simple. Next time I’ll share our story of going credit card free, along with a silly story of my pride. Socks.~ (Ethical consumerism - I expound)

When Mark and I got married we were NOT good with money, and on top of that, we were literally not earning enough to make ends meet. Our solution? Marks credit card. Instead of spending less, we just charged everything. Please don’t go shaking your head at our parents for not educating us on proper money management skills - they taught us, we just chose not to learn from them. To this day, I wish we had. So, to make a long story short, we maxed out, and missed or was late on several payments. Our monthly credit card bill was usually about $400.00, minimum. At that point, Mark was earning enough money for a family of 3 to make ends to meet, but with a bill of $400.00 just to pay the interest on our card, we were in the same financial boat that we had been in. Mark was earning more, but we owed more. So, last year we were referred by a friend to a debt management program, and we enrolled. Payments were much more affordable, we got to chose the day of the month that we paid the bill and there was an end in sight - to be debt free. However, the company that we had our credit card through, has a policy that if you enroll in a debt management program, you MAY NOT OWN/USE ANOTHER CREDIT CARD, AND YOU MUST STOP CHARGING. Which really makes perfect sense. If we did use another card, and they found out, they would kick us out of the program and we would be back to square one. That, my friends, is not a risk we are willing to take. (This is how I learned to ask “can I actually afford this?” (Which is far different from “do I have the money for…”)

So it became official, on April 3 2008 in the year of our Lord, we went credit card free.

And we were/are in a good spot financially, because if we stretched just a bit, we can make ends meet. Without owning anyone anything further. Unless, the car needs new tires. Or we had a co-pay for the Dr.. Or we were in a wedding. These things were not and could not, be a part of the budget. On more than one occasion my parents stepped in to help us with something that needed to be charged, so we do owe them some. (For instance, there was just no way to get around the fact that in November I needed a $300 satin cognac maternity gown for my brothers wedding, don‘t blame the bride… someone else picked out the dresses.) So Like I said before, you get creative, or you go without. Speaking of that November wedding, and creativity - it’s now time for my story.

Before Gideon was born, we were handed down plenty of very nice baby clothes. Some as big as 3T. There was an adorable little pants and vest suit. That just so happened to fit Gideon in November. So for the wedding we had several dress shirts to choose from, a clip on tie, and my mom found a pair of perfectly sized perfect condition dress shoes at goodwill. However, we had 0 dress socks. All we had for Gideon to wear under his new dress shoes were white, tan or red socks. Did I mention that because of a job position switch , Mark was making less than we needed, with his first commission check weeks after the wedding? Well, we were broke. We literally only had a few cents in the bank. So, I start thinking “what am I going to do? Gideon needs dress socks. I don’t have a card to charge it on! If Lisa’s (the bride, and now my sister-in-law‘s) family sees Gideon with a suit on and white socks, they’ll think our family has no class. They’ll think we’re a bunch of country bumpkins (which isn’t far from the truth) and they’ll forever hold us in judgment. They’ll think of John and Lisa’s children‘s “other grandparents” as unsuited to be their grandparents. They’ll fear that Lisa’s children will grow up unprivileged and uncivilized. They’ll look down on John . I can’t do that to them! I can’t do that to him!” Worry. Pride. Sinful. Silly. Socks. So, what did I do? Out of shear brilliance, and obvious desperation- I crafted toddler dress socks out of 2 mismatched toddler socks and one mismatched men’s dress sock (on a side note, how does that happen? So many socks, non that match.) For your enjoyment, I will post a picture of said dress socks soon… well, only one, I’m not sure where the other one is. : )

And you know what, At the wedding reception, I realized that Gideon’s beautiful “dress socks” never even showed. The pants were just a tad too long, which hid his socks completely. He could have worn NO socks and no one would have been the wiser. *Sigh* Some things, most things, just aren’t that important.

How did we get here?

2009-02-17T12:57:00.000-08:00

I’m taking a short break from writing on ethical consumerism to post this, at my husbands urging. After I mentioned this in another post, I started writing, and just finished. I hope you are inspired, or at least challenged. Please, let me know what you think.

How did we get here? It seems as though we’ve taken so many steps to the side, we must go backward, to find where we veered off. Yes, to retrace our steps and move backward is the best option for us now. To come to the place where we first lost our way, and continue in the appropriate direction from there.
Walking through church history of the decades 2000-2010, 1990-1999, 1980-1989, How have we reached where we are? Yes! Good things happened. Yes! God moved. No, it wasn’t a waste, but why does our generation look so shabby compared to Faith’s Champions of yester year?

Where are the spiritual disciplines? Where has forgiveness gone? Where is temperance?

I’m speaking in reference to second and third generation Christians. Those whose parents or grandparents were saved from lives of obvious sin, and needed severe lifestyle changes. I’m speaking of the people that have “always been saved” the ones who said the “sinners prayer” at age 4. The ones whose earliest memories are playing in the church nursery, and can fluently speak Christianese on demand, or even worse, don’t even know when their speaking Christianese. Why do we look the way we do? The real question is, where is your mark? How can one tell that you are sanctified?

(sanc·ti·fy [sángktə f]
(past and past participle sanc·ti·fied, present participle sanc·ti·fy·ing, 3rd person present singular sanc·ti·fies)
1. make something holy: to give something holy status
2. free somebody from sin: to perform a ritual or other act intended to free somebody from sin
3. bless something through religious vow: to give a religious blessing to something such as a marriage, usually through an oath or vow sanctified the marriage
4. officially approve something: to give social, moral, or official approval to something
rules sanctified by tradition
5. make something route to holiness: to make something a means of achieving holiness or a source of grace )

Simpler put, where is holiness?

God is into symbolism, just look at the scriptures and you’ll soon see, God likes symbols. He likes there to be illustrations for things, He likes parables, He likes signs and marks. What better sign or symbol of the presence of Jesus in our lives, than a life transformed? If the life of a “believer” remains untransformed, if the life of a “believer” continues to look the same as the life of an “unbeliever” then one has to ask, “is Jesus actually present in the life of the ‘believer’ at all?”.

My parents, and the parents of many of my friends, became Christians during the “Jesus people” movement in the ‘70’s. The “Jesus people” were a part of another movement, the “Holiness movement.” As far as I can tell, it pretty much went like this, “We read what the Bible has to say about how we live, and then, to the best of our ability, we live that way.” (otherwise known as obedience.) That’s how a movement should be. Simple.

I’m not saying that obeying is a simple thing to do, I am saying that the concept of holiness is simple. But in order to obey God, you have to know what He is asking, commanding and requiring of you. In order to know this, you have to know what He says in the Bible.

I want to live in such a way that someone, anyone, can tell that Jesus is why I live the way I do. I want to live different from the common man. Not in a way that makes those who were burned by the church cringe, or in a way that people think “great, someone else to judge me.” But in a truly Christ like way - in love and compassion, in truth and confidence, in forgiveness and understanding. In a way that God has asked me to. In a way of obedience. I want to live a holy life.

Can anyone else sense something coming? It’s like a big wave, or a wind, a storm, a rain cloud, something is coming, something new. It’s almost here. Something is stopping it. Has there been a great movement since the ’70’s? Like I said before, yeah, plenty of good has happened since then, but I mean a real movement. Has there been an environment changing movement in the past few decades? I don’t think so.

Why?

My theory is this: As the children of those who were a part of the “holiness movement” grew older, we began to rebel against the ways our parents did things. We saw this “holiness” as traditionalism, we saw it as prudish, and judgmental. In an attempt to create our own movement we entered the areas of “grace and freedom.” As a whole, we began drinking to the point of drunkenness, we stopped listening to moral and edifying music and began filling our homes with profanity, we started focusing more on “self” and stopped caring, we stopped heeding the law and started smoking marijuana, we had sexual relations with people who were not our spouses, we let profanity flow from our lips and let bitterness, hatred and unforgiveness reside in our souls. We let every manner of sin become a part of our daily lives. All in the name of “grace and freedom.” This is what we embraced, this is what we even took so far as to call a movement of God. This is the church. And this is what’s kept the “new” from coming.

We must go backward. To the placed we veered off. Yes, to retrace our steps and move backward is the best option for us now. To come to the place where we first lost our way, and continue in the appropriate direction from there. We must choose to live a life of holiness. We must raise our children in not just good behavior but in the way of holiness, and obedience to God. We must live a life that’s imitating Christ. We must earnestly search the scriptures and let our lives reflect it.

Then, I think, we’ll be in a place where God is free to let the new things come. So live in a way that the new can come. Do it for our children. Do it for the church. Do it for the rest of the world that needs to see Jesus the way He is, and not the way we’ve been portraying Him. Do it for your soul. Do it for the One who asked you to do it in the first place, the One who loved you so much that in order to be with you forever, chose to die in your place.

This is where I was going to put a scripture to back my point, when I realized, my point is backing scripture.

All: of-it

A man walks into a party, he’s very late. “sorry I’m late,” he says “I was hit and run over by a semi-truck on the way here, it messed me up pretty bad.” “No you weren’t” said the host. “How do you know? You can’t judge me like that” replied the guest “You weren’t there, you wouldn’t know!” “Well“ returned the host, “No one can actually have an encounter with something that big , and not be changed. If you were truly run over by a semi-truck, we’d know, because you would look like you were.” (my own morphed version - original story told by Paul Washer)

Ethical consumerism - I expound

2009-02-15T11:25:00.000-08:00

~Ethical consumerism - when I spend money I want to know who and what it’s supporting, whether or not it is ecological, how it was manufactured (I’m anti sweatshop), and if I do indeed NEED to buy (or consume) it at all. ~

Who or what it’s supporting - I take great care to (and urge you to do the same) look closely at as many companies as I [you] can. Especially the ones that you frequently patronize. Find out what they financially support, because they support with your finances. Giving your money to company X, so that they can turn around and give it to “cause that goes against something you believe in” is, in my conviction, the same as giving your money directly to that “cause that goes against something you believe in” … I’ve been using this ethical consumerism strategy for about a year. (If you’re looking for an incredibly challenging piece of literature, here’s my favorite - Irresistible Revolution, by Shane Claiborne.) Yes, I’ve had to go out of my way, and put in some extra work to buy certain items. Yes, I’ve on occasion given in and painfully walked away with a purchase from a company I can’t in good conscience support. But overall, it’s really not so hard to shop this way. (Most companies have a list right on their website of the charities they support .)

Whether or not it is ecological - This is pretty self explanatory. For the record, I’m not a tree hugger. I just feel that when God gave us the earth as our domain, he expected us to take care of it. I try to apply the same stewardship to the earth as I do to my kids, my money, and my body.

How it was manufactured - I suppose I am a bit of a civil rights activist (supporter is the more appropriate term for me.) I think of the movie Amazing Grace, my mind goes to the part when the girl says “I actually told my friends that there was slave blood in their sugar…” (I probably misquoted it, if you haven’t seen the movie, you MUST! Then you can correct my quote.) I take care to see that the item I’m purchasing was made in a fair trade/fair wage standard. I understand this is often very hard to track for a manufacturer and even harder for the consumer to truly know, but it’s worth a shot. Chances are, if it’s way cheaper (when it’s not on sale) than it is anywhere else, corners were cut somewhere, and I don’t think it was the CEO’s paycheck. Actually, it’s so hard to tell, that as a family, we have switched over entirely to making or buying things secondhand. (because at that point, even if the item was made in an abusive way, it’s no longer supporting that company. Instead it is supporting something like Salvation Army…) Not to mention, you’re spending WAY less on something , therefore freeing up some extra money, hopefully to give away or save for something important, like an adoption. : ) (often, if I need to chose an item that was made outside of the US, and potentially made in an unjust way, I’ll opt for buying from a small mom-and-pop kind of store, rather than a huge corporate x-mart. To at least support local economy…)

And if I do indeed NEED to have it - This is a good one. I suppose by good, I mean hard. : ) We, as Americans (or Brits, in Tash’s case.*wink*) have such a misconstrued idea of the word “need.” I’m going to quote my friend Sarah, and at first you’ll think, “no, that’s not true” but the longer you reflect on it, you’ll realize just how much of a consumer you are. “Really, the only thing [that you don’t already have] you NEED [when you have a baby] is a car-seat.” (I feel like I should put a “Selah” here) I know that you are intelligent, so I’ll leave it at that, you know exactly what you need and what you don’t.

I’ve come to realize, to an extent, how frivolous we can be. Last April we went credit card free (don’t admire us, I’ll tell all in the next post.) Since then, when I think “hm, food to eat? Or this pair of shorts for Gideon?” the answer is a no brainer. On our one income, you get creative, or you go without. It’s that simple. Next time I’ll share our story of going credit card free, along with a silly story of my pride. Socks.

Ethical consumerism - I'll start here

2009-02-12T07:36:00.000-08:00

So, I said I would try to commit to writing my thoughts on finances. Well, I guess it’s not really finances… more like lifestyle.

A primary goal for our family this year specifically, is to consume the least amount possible. We discovered that by reaching this goal, we will be inadvertently reaching or at least working toward, almost every other goal.

I remember saying several times throughout the summer “and maybe I’ll blog about ethical consumerism soon…” but was too chicken to do it.

I’ve posted little bits here and there about frugality, and that’s good too.

I’ve mentioned once or twice about our various financial struggles, which wasn’t difficult, but I was unsure about what should remain taboo even in the blogoshpere.

I’ve mulled over my ideas for how to write something that reflects the kind of spending practices that we try to adhere to. (key word, “TRY”)

Broken up, seemingly naive or just plain weird, as it may be, makes no difference to me. I have made up my mind to dive into this subject and spend as much time and space on it as I feel necessary. Because I believe it is right.

For my own sake, I have outlined points of discussion regarding this topic:

Ethical consumerism - when I spend money I want to know who and what it’s supporting, whether or not it is ecological, how it was manufactured (I’m anti sweatshop), and if I do indeed NEED to buy (or consume) it at all.

Stewardship - When faced with a purchase I ask myself, can I actually afford this? (Which is far different from “do I have the money for…”) I ask myself “Can I do without this, or figure out how to get this in a better way?” I ask, “What could I do with this money that would serve a greater purpose than this item would?” I ask, “If I don’t purchase this, what will I do with this money?”

Lifestyle - Reducing our standard of living. Looking at every possible way to “cut back.” Sharing, blessing, giving. Selflessness.

Think on this and leave a comment. Maybe your thoughts on the matter will help me sort through the enormous jungle of ideas that I have. Thanks!

Oops, I did it again. : P

2009-02-11T19:10:00.000-08:00

Hahahaha!!! I didn't post the link to the givaway! Here you go. : D

Baby wearing givaway!

2009-02-11T18:23:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my lovely
sister-in-law, I found this baby wearers giveaway. I’d love if someone I knew won this! So enter to win, and keep wearing your babies!

And baby makes how many?!?

2009-02-10T07:08:00.000-08:00

Last night I came across a really interesting article. Called And baby makes how many?

I’ve been planning to write something about finances, and after reading a quote toward the end of the article that said “life styles are expensive, not kids” I became determined to put solid effort into this new blogging topic.

I’m keeping this short so you have time to read the article rather than my post about the article. So head over to the NY times and read And baby makes how many?

2009-02-09T10:16:00.000-08:00

Oh Man, I hit enter by accident!

Go the the previous post and read... But to see what we were talking about go to
Danica's Blog

I was going to post a picture of us in NY, but... it's very interesting, so I won't. : P

2009-02-09T10:11:00.000-08:00

“We’ll start today with a little update of our week.” Is the way I started the rough draft of this blog, 5 days ago… ugh, we have hit the ground (or rather, pulled into our driveway) running. Craziness galore!

On [last] Sunday morning we learned that my grandfather had passed away. Precious is the death of the saints, so we rejoice. (He would be laughing so hard if he knew I just referred to him as a saint.) : )

So on [last] Monday evening we packed up the car and headed out to Long Island. I was nervous about the trip (which on average is about 7 hours in the car) because, if you catch the kids at a bad time a half hour trip seems like an eternity… so, I’m sure you can understand my reservation about such a trip. It was fine though. Silas slept the whole way, and though Gideon only slept 2 hours, he was SO GOOD!

It was a bit difficult for me to be there, Mark and I have only made it down to Long Island once since we’ve been together. It had been 3 ½ years since our last visit. So, to see my grandfather (at his wake… open casket) was hard, I didn’t really ever say goodbye. He never met my boys. But I know he knew I loved him, which I guess it what matters. We’ll see him again. : )

On a lighter note -

::Both of our boys were SO good, I said that already, but I just felt I needed to reiterate. My uncle asked me what was in the water in Rochester that made kids so good. (Shiloh, my niece was also there and was awesome as well.) It blessed me to be honored by my children’s behavior already. I always thought that day would come when they were in their teens. (Speaking in faith) ; )

::On our way down, we drove through the Pocono’s mountains, our ears were feeling that altitude change kind of pressure. Gideon started hitting his ear saying “hurt, hurt. Ear hurt!” I handed him a chip, “here, take this, it’ll help you” “No way! Ow! Hurt.” “Gideon just eat the chip, it’ll help your ear.” I insisted, “Okay” he said as he took the chip from my hand and proceeded to stick it in his ear. He cracks me up.

::Mark and I had a really nice time together. The long car ride was a good opportunity to chat about all of the “back burner” topics that we don‘t usually have time to talk about. I love my husband. : ) (One of the topics discussed was blogged about the day after, by Danica)

::Almost our whole family was there, which was nice, as we got to everybody.

::Mark and I (and Silas, thanks to the Moby wrap) joined my 2 older brothers and their wives in a quick trip to NY city. We just walked around Time Square grabbed a cup of something hot and a slice of pizza. We had a nice time though. Plus, Mark and I reached a goal that we’ve had. To make-out in the back of a minivan while someone drove us around. I don’t even think anyone else noticed… but it was kind of fun. : P

So, I just realized how mundane this little trip was. But I’m glad to have done it. I thought I needed to give a bit of an explanation of my frequent absence from the ramblings of. With this post and the previous, I’m sure you understand. (There is a whole host of other “just life” kind of things…)

I promise, soon, very soon, I will type out something more meaningful and thought provoking. In the mean time think on this -

“If you have never felt God telling you to give, than you need to pray more.” - John J. Ebel

And a time to mourn

2009-01-29T09:41:00.000-08:00

~ Sitting on the floor, rocking my precious sleeping baby. My baby. Just a foot away from me, my first born is sleeping on the floor, poor little one isn’t feeling well. He just laid down and fell asleep. Music plays - “I will be still and know you are God...”
Tears flood my eyes. I’ve tried to reject this salt water flood all week. Some moments I overcome, other times I give in.
What do I cry for? Injustice. Sin. Death. Ignorance. Life. Loss. Hope. Peace. Love.
I am pro life. In every sense.
This week has me mourning, mourning life lost. ~

~ Laying Next to my child. My child. I think he’s feeling better. I love his little giggles as he watches veggie tales. He keeps sticking his pedialyte freeze pop in my mouth. He’s so sweet.
Last week we mourned the anniversary of the legalization of abortion. Mourning the loss of the people who’s lives were taken by medical means. It is admirable to mourn over this.
This week we mourn the death of my sisters beautiful friend, Abby. Mourning the loss of the earthly presence of this wonderful girl. Trying to rejoice with her as she enters the hope of eternity. It’s inconceivable not to mourn over this. ~

The thing that brings so many tears to my eyes, is the reality of the worth of a life. And the audacity of those who think that they have the right to end another’s life.

Watching the ripple effect of grief as people learn of Abby’s death has been really hard. Being with my sister as she learned of the accident. Talking with grieved people who know and love Joy but never met Abby. Now, I’m sure it saddens you, to hear of this, when you may not have ever met Abby, or Joy. Simply hearing that someone I love, has lost someone whom she loved, is sad news.

And then there is war. And to mourn over this is nothing but the murmurs of an ignorant hippy. Why?

I told Mark that I can’t get Joys sobs out of my head, those deep, terrible, soulful, beautiful sobs. I don’t want them to leave my head. For they are the cries of so many who have lost. Lost a life, and a loved one to war. And to forget those sobs, I feel, is to forget those lives.

I know this sounds so simple and probably idiotic, but every life lost to war, used to be a child. Every life lost to war, was as a baby, cradled and rocked by somebody. Every life lost to war, was loved by someone, somewhere, at sometime. Every life lost, had a mother.

Then I think of my boys.

I think of the tragedy there could be of someone thinking that they had the right to take the life of one of my babies. I think of the pain that Abby’s Family is feeling now. The pain that Joy is feeling now. I think of the heart of God breaking with every “procedure to take care of an unwanted pregnancy”. I think of the people of Iraq. I think of Americas Solders. I think of the People of Sudan. I think of the people of Israel. I think of the people of Palestine. I think of the tragedy there is when we think that one life could be worth more than another.

And I mourn.

Shepherd of my soul

2009-01-28T11:29:00.000-08:00

Shepherd of my soul
I give you full control
Wherever you may lead
I will follow
I have made the choice
To listen for your voice
Wherever you may lead I will go

Be it in a quiet pasture
Or by a gentle stream
The shepherd of my soul is by my side
Should I face a mighty mountain
Or a valley dark and deep
The shepherd of my soul will be guide

While singing my son to bed the other night, I realized just how deep a declaration this old familiar chorus is. My mind nods in solemn agreement, my mind heart rejoices at the implication, and my life asks “is this true?”

A boring update

2009-01-24T04:59:00.000-08:00

I feel like it’s been a while, although, it hasn’t. I think it’s because I have a foot long list of all the things I want to write about, but haven’t had a chance to.

First off I’d like to say HE DID IT!!!!!! Gideon used his “big boy potty” once on Sunday and once yesterday! We are very excited. I’m sure we have a long way to go, seeing as he’s still quite young for potty training, but it was exciting just the same. : )

On Sunday we left town for a couples retreat, we brought both kids with us. Silas, for obvious reasons, and Gideon, just because I don’t like to leave my boy. : ) My lovely sister Jenessa came along to help out. So, although we had 2 kids and a sister in our room, and didn’t get a minute of alone time, we were so blessed by the retreat. It was actually meant for pastors and their wives, but Mark played on the worship team with 2 other non-pastors, and because all 3 couples are in ministry, it worked out just fine. The times that we had to sing songs in praise and worship to our God were so amazing! There was a man there who came specifically to minister to the couples in prayer. God really spoke through that man and the other couples, and Mark and I were so encouraged to hear the things that God had to say to us. We had a great time.

One thing that we heard at this retreat, was a confirmation of some of the revelation that Mark and I have been having, that we believed is God inspired. God has been showing us a lot about holiness, and what it means for us, as second generation Christians. Our parents and the parents of most second generation Christians, became Christians during the “holiness movement” of the “Jesus People.” Trying to find our niche in the Christian faith, as the people born to the “Jesus People,” has proved to be a little difficult for this generation. God has been showing Mark and I some things about this, and I’ve really enjoyed being able to learn and discover more about where we fit in the picture. So, I hope to be able to post something soon, sharing my thoughts on this.

I suppose this is all for now. : )

Tagged!

2009-01-20T17:34:00.001-08:00

Explanation - Post the fourth picture on the fourth folder of your pictures and explain! oh yeah, and tag 4 more people.

Well, this is a picture that my sister Joy took. She borrowed our digital camera for a photography assignment last semester. She has a great film camera, but was having trouble with the digital that she usually uses. Anyway, she had to do a presentation and her professor asked her to do it on “death and decay” so she went out and found rotting things… but, it snowed before her project was completed, (covering everything that was “dead and decayed”) so instead, her presentation was on Silas’ birth… which I thing wins any day compared to rotting apples. : )

I Tag Joy http://soletitstartwithme.blogspot.com/, Rissa http://mamarissa.com/, Tash http://rocketiam.blogspot.com/, Hannah - www.hannahtallo.blogspot.com/

Sorry about the potty talk

2009-01-15T10:31:00.000-08:00

So, I thought I’d give a little update as to how our “potty training time” is going.

Unfortunately, that’s as deep as I’ll get today. I’ve longed to sit and write deeply, but I feel that that takes much more time than a few little goofy thoughts on life. : ) My friends, time, is not something I have to spare these days. : )

Anyway, on potty training -

The day after I posted about potty training Gideon, was our official kick off to the process. I did not do well. I was so psyched about it that I started way to fast, expecting way too much.
He didn’t wear a diaper all day (except for at nap time.) Instead of a diaper he wore training pants, big boy boxers and nothing. : )

My sister Jenessa was hanging out with us that day, so it was good to have her around to hold Silas, read to Gideon as he sat on his potty , and oh yeah, help me clean up EVERY ACCIDENT!
This boy had accident after accident, and I still, somehow thought that I was to allow him to go commando, or whatever diaper less is called. With every accident he had I was very calm, told him it was okay, had him sit on the potty, changed him into fresh underwear...

But then, it happened. Uninhibited chaos struck our home when I turned to say “okay Gideon, it’s time to sit on the potty again” (I could tell something that was a little more solid than urine was going to come, you know, you just learn your kids cues.) He said, as he’s often prone to say “no way!“ and turned and ran around our coffee table, his little bum cheeks clapping as he ran. And then, out it fell, through one of the leg holes in the boxers (what was I thinking? Boxers, at 23 months old?) And I calmly replied “AH! GIDEON GET OVER HERE, AH! NO! DON’T STEP IN IT! NESSA, TAKE SILAS! COME HERE, IT’S ON YOUR SOCK! SIT HERE, DON’T GET UP! GIVE ME YOUR FOOT! CALM DOWN, GIDEON, CALM DOWN! LAY SILAS IN THE CRIB, GET ME A BAG, GRAB THE VINEGAR! UNDER THE SINK, NO NOT THE DISH TOWEL! OH MY GOSH, YOU STEPPED IT IN AGAIN!!! WIPES! JUST GRAB THE WIPES. GIDEON… AHHHH!!!!” And then, it was over, everything was cleaned up. Gideon was sitting on the potty, Jenessa was holding Silas and I was kneeling next to my poor stressed out toddler. “I’m sorry Gideon. Mommy didn’t use self control when I was yelling that way. Yelling didn’t help the situation at all. Will you forgive me?”

He just smiled and said “hug” and then he laid his head on my shoulder and let out the saddest sigh I’d ever heard from a toddler. We bounced back quick from that little tragedy, and had 1 or 2 more accidents that evening. Then wisdom was finally able to say something on the matter and I asked Gideon if he was ready to put a diaper on. Never in his life had he been so happy to wear a diaper. We put his PJ’s on and snuggled as we shared a gingerbread cookie.
Gideon, we’ll take this as slow as you need to.

It’s now nearly 2 weeks later and we’ve had no accidents, his little potty has been sat on many times, but between sitting on it he usually wears a diaper. He hasn’t “gone potty” yet, but I think he’s close.

P.S. We’re working on the “no way” thing… I don’t know where he got that?

Simply Vinegar

2009-01-09T10:07:00.000-08:00

So, I have a category in my list of labels called “recommendations” it has the most random sort of things in it. I do feel the need, however, to add yet another totally random post to “recommendations” and it comes in “tip” form.

My “tip” goes as follows.

Buy a gallon of vinegar, and use it!

I pretty much clean with just vinegar and water. (I do use regular old toilet bowl cleaner, and I currently have a name brand eco friendly window/glass cleaner, but that’s because someone gave it to me. Streaks don’t bother me too much, so I usually just use watered down vinegar for windows too.)

Here are a few things I use vinegar for, but not limited to.

About 1 part water to 1 part vinegar, in a spray bottle
CLEANS

Countertops
Tabletops
Sinks
Gideon’s highchair
Windows (as mentioned earlier, but it does streak)
Toys
Refrigerator
Outside of toilet bowl
Carpet (spot treatments)
Cars dashboard and steering wheel

Full strength vinegar, usually in a spray bottle
CLEANS

Floors
Bathtub/shower
Inside of toilet bowl (works, but not as well as the thick stuff you can buy, that stays on longer)
Landry soap enhancement (you’re probably not supposed to do this, but sometimes when I’m washing an extra dirty prefold (clothe diaper) I add vinegar through the liquid bleach section of the washing machine, I’ve found it removes the scent of urine better than bleach did) I’m such a rebel!
Dishwasher (run through an empty dishwasher to get rid of soap buildup)

So, there you have it, it could be the worlds cheapest, safest all purpose cleaner!

And let me tell you, with a boy like Gideon running around I’m SOOO thankful to use a cleaner that’s so safe, you can drink it! It’s saved many a trip to the ER/call to poison control! : )

Here’s an interesting link, with 62 uses for vinegar -
http://odyb.net/food-cooking/62-little-known-uses-of-vinegar/

When Love has run of a house

2009-01-08T10:04:00.000-08:00

I just came down the stairs. It’s nap time now, Gideon is snuggly tucked into bed already snoring, and Silas is cuddled up tight to me, inside the Moby Wrap.
It’s kind of rare these days to leave Gideon’s bedroom while he’s sleeping. Usually he needs to fall asleep on his own. We pray, then I sing, but he typically needs to be alone to finally give in and let sleep take over.

Today, he wanted me to sit on the rocking chair while I sang (I think it’s because Silas was with us this time, he usually lays in the basinet while I’m putting Gideon to sleep) But today he said “mamma, baby rock-chair” and as I sang and rocked, Gideon peeped through the crib slats and watched me cradle his brother and sing songs to Jesus.

I can’t explain the look on Gideon’s face, as his beautiful blue eyes blinked slowly, trying to stay locked with mine. It was like at that moment, I was his whole world. I looked down at Silas snuggled close to me, limp with the most peaceful of sleeps. This feeling of awe came over me. “What an incredible job I have!” I thought, as I watched Gideon let go, and give in to his much needed nap. I was taken over by immense gratitude, for being considered worthy of caring for these 2 boys. I thought of the way I felt about my mom, as she sang me to sleep, and I was brought to tears at the thought of someone feeling the same way about me.
This love, my friends, is worth it. It’s worth every dirty diaper, every sleepless night, every tear.
This week has been stressful for me, mostly, I assume, because of hormones trying to balance out as my body remembers what it’s like to not be pregnant. But the stress of this week was melted away, dissolved, disintegrated, at that very moment of intense love.

Stress = mistrust, mistrust = fear, where there is fear, there is an absence of love.

1 John 4:18 (The Message)
To Love, to Be Loved
17-18 God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry… There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life… is one not yet fully formed in love.
&
2 Timothy 1:7 (New King James) For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

I thank God that most days, Love has the run of this house. I pray that someday soon, I’ll allow Love the run of this house EVERYDAY. I pray that I’ll learn the truths of walking on Love every moment of my life. Because Love, is a powerful thing.

May Love have the run of your house, and may this beautiful kind of moment, become personal to you!

Adventures in potty training

2009-01-05T09:24:00.000-08:00

So, we’ve begun the daunting task of potty training! (Okay, well, I’ve been potty trained for a while now. I’ve begun to potty train Gideon.) : )

Over the summer I think Gideon was ready, but seeing as how I was very pregnant and heat tends to give me plenty of morning sickness, I just wasn’t ready to start training him. I considered it an accomplishment to drag myself off the couch in order to keep up on disciplining him when he disobeyed. So, I wasn’t about to make things even more difficult! (Can you imagine how many times I’d be up and down with disciplining a toddler AND potty training him) Ha, as if no one has ever done it… I’m acting as if it were this HUGE sacrifice… well, at any rate, I didn’t do it this summer, and now we’re beginning.

I can’t explain why, but there are a few aspects of childrearing that are VERY scary for me. Starting with potty training, next being puberty, (don’t ask me why, I just feel totally intimidated by having to parent an adolescent boy!!!) and last being the entrance into a pre marriage relationship. (dating, courting, betrothal, engagement… whatever) These three milestones are highly intimidating to me!

But, we’ve reached the brink of milestone one, and I’m feeling like I’m facing potty training as if it were a big growling dog. On the outside, I’m smiling, and showing this animal NO FEAR, I’m relaxed and ready to take it on. But inside, I’m crying, “AHHH!!!! ITS GONNA EAT ME!!!! WE WON’T MAKE IT OUT ALIVE!!!!”

Help me out moms, have you felt this way?

I need some tips.

We’ve bought the “big boy potty,” “big boy boxers” and a cute little book to go along with them. Gideon really likes his book, wears the boxers on his head, and is warming up to the potty. So far, I feel good about these things.

But the questions I’m facing are, “do I use ‘treats’ as a reward?” “What actions do I reward?” “Is there ever a point where you begin disciplining for the on purpose “accidents?” (not that we’ve had any, I’m just saying.)

You know, these are the kinds of things I’m feeling so very insure about.

Yet, over and over again, I hear my moms voice saying “just listen to the Holy Spirit, as he leads and guides you through your mothering” and then I hear that verse again,

Isaiah 40:11
He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

I know God cares for the small things, and the small ones. I know God will help us, but, maybe if everyone tells me what’s worked for them, the Holy Spirit will guide me as I sift through your advice. : )

Parenting Perks

2008-12-30T13:33:00.000-08:00

So, Mark and I just came up with another really good reason to have kids.

All for the sake of entertaining your children, you can run around the house singing at the top of your lungs and dance like a crazy person. It doesn’t matter whose around, or what circumstances you’re under.

If you feel like being silly, you can do it, and “it’s okay, ‘cause you’ve got kids…”

Follow most any peculiar whim (like singing the veggie tales theme song in strange voices) and your kids love it.
You’re entertaining them.

Make funny faces and put your clothes on backwards.

Almost anything goes.

If you did those things without kids, (In high school, I actually think I did most of these things) you may be thought of as crazy…

But now, we’re just thought of as parents! : )

P.S. That's Joy, my sister. She's an aunt, I guess that's okay too...

Gently led

2008-12-22T06:28:00.001-08:00

Isaiah 40:11
He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

I have felt so gently led as of late. There are several directions I’ve thought of to take this post… several very different directions. I’m not sure which one I’ll side with. Perhaps, I’ll just type and let my heart led fingers decide. (this has potential to be one of my classically LONG posts… sorry!)

God has been leading me. Out of the few moments I can gather to catch a glimpse of my Savior, He has taken them and turned them into all out reflections. I glance at the title of a book, and He floods my mind with thoughts. I hear one line in a song and immediately He brings scripture to my mind. One sentence spoken by my husband turns into a reminder of Who God is and what he’s done for me.

The other day while at my parents house, Gideon was napping and Silas was nursing, my mom came and sat with me and said, “I’ll bet you didn’t get a chance to have any quiet time with the Lord today.” She was right, not today, not for over 2 weeks, really. She said, I’ve been reading this book here (I think it was something like “the Practice of Godliness”) She started reading. God started showing me my heart.

I wont attempt to quote for you what she read, it wont make much of a difference. With just the first few sentences I lost track of what she was reading, and began listening to the voice of God ringing gently in my mind.

“I pride myself on being (and not being) a certain kind of girl” is a thought I’ve had so many times. This certain kind of girl that I am not, is a very specific kind, its not a bad kind, just a certain kind. (no, I’m not going to tell you what kind of girl I’m talking about!)
About a week ago I had front row seats to a scene of these 2 specific kind of girls, interacting in the way that these specific kind of girls often interact with one another.

I was not impressed, in fact I was disgusted! In my heart I was rolling my eyes, gagging myself and making fun of them in many ways. Of course outwardly I was just observing. Later that night, I reflected on how I felt about my reaction to the scene I observed. I was unremorseful. I did not feel the need to repent, I was “in the right.”

Days later, as my mom read to me from this book, I had an over whelming need for repentance. As I sat in judgment (the very thing I was complaining about to a friend of mine a day earlier) I was stating unapologetically that I considered myself to be superior to these 2 girls. I was stating a claim on my importance, my worth was more valuable than theirs. I was in that moment, everything that Christ was not. I was behaving in such a way that I know displeased God. In the same way a parent wants and requests their children to love one another, and becomes disappointed with them when they don’t. I was not loving, honoring, supporting, uplifting or submitting to my fellow believers (these 2 girls are Christians) in the way that Christ wants.
I became aware of how not Christ like I was behaving. I was not acting I love, and once more, I became aware at how magnificent the love of Christ is.

1 Corinthians 13
Love
1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I am, so very, gently led.

My thursday - and now its saturday...

2008-12-20T08:50:00.000-08:00

So, this is a little blurp from thursday... its saturday, and I'm just now posting it. :)

Was to be called "Today, laundry wins"

Nap time - Shower vs. Laundry, laundry wins. Maybe I’ll fit bathing into my night time routine. Looks like I’m going with the ball cap look today.

12:14 - Sitting down to eat. Hummus and crackers. The only other things I’ve had today; 2 pieces of fudge. Easy things to grab and eat… I need to buy some fruit.

Reflecting on - His grace is sufficient for me.

My Dear Lord Jesus, Thanks for my boys. I wouldn’t trade them for a million showers and a perfectly balanced diet ever! Thanks for giving me the life of a mother, I love it!

Advent - take one

2008-12-08T09:47:00.000-08:00

So, I’ve been really excited about this Christmas season. Last year (for Christmas time), Gideon was only 10 months old. Even though I talked all about it, I don’t think an infant can grasp the magnificent story of Christ’s birth, life, death and resurrection?

This year (although we do have an infant) we have a toddler to share the story of Christmas with. A few nights ago we got out the advent book with 25 different mini books inside, one for every day in December up ‘til Christmas, each has a little gold string (for hanging on our non existent Christmas tree.) We started a few days late so we had some catching up to do. Gideon sat on daddy’s lap, snuggled into his chest, holding his favorite stuffed penguin. Mark began to read, but Gideon was so taken by the tiny book that daddy was reading from, Mark couldn’t continue reading. After much struggle, we finished book one, Mark decided to stand to read book 2 (so that Gideon wouldn’t try to take it from him.) As Mark read from book 2 Gideon sat on the floor at daddy’s feet drinking water from his sippy cup. Right before I could even finish the thought “what a nice, quiet, way to spend a few minutes each night reflecting on Christ’s birth.” Gideon began crying and ran to the fridge “Juice! Please! Juice!” (daddy told him after dinner, that he couldn’t have anymore juice.) We dealt with the situation, finally got things calmed down, and Mark went back to reading. But Gideon began crying again. That’s when I realized, Mark kept reading “The Romans made life hard for the Jews. They treated them harshly…”

Jews and Juice sound pretty similar.

Maybe We’ll use the advent book next year. : )

The story of Silas' birth

2008-12-05T19:07:00.000-08:00

STOP!

Okay, if you’re a guy, go ahead and read, just be warned, I didn’t make things specifically un-detailed. I’m the queen of details and though this is not graphic, it may be uncomfortable reading.

For those of you who love details, before reading this, scroll down and read the previous 2 posts.

For the rest of you, enjoy skimming through my second birth story. : )

Early Sunday morning, about 3:00 am - Contractions start, abdominal and back, quite regular, about 8 minutes apart. I was able to sleep off and on most of the morning, got up and showered, contractions were closer now, about every 4 -6 minuets. We timed them for about an hour, then called my Dr. at about 1:30 we arrive at the hospital. We check in, go to triage and my favorite nurse, Beth, comes in, “here you are! We had a room all ready for you this morning at 9:00, we left 2 messages for you, you were supposed to be induced this morning.” (Fist of all, since when has it been okay to leave a voicemail for scheduling a dr.’s appointment, especially one like a labor induction?!? Second, how can they just go ahead and set up a room for me, when I haven’t even consented to induction yet?!?) Ugh, anyway, I’m thinking “well, I’m in labor now, haha!” : ) So, they check me over, they don’t think I’m in labor, they think I’m dehydrated… they can’t get any IV.’s in me, I am REALLY dehydrated (remember, I was VERY sick.) Finally, they had the anesthesiologist come in, he got a vein, and they started a drip of fluids. 2 bags later, I was still having contractions, but they were farther apart and less intense. They decide it’s time to induce. I’m sick of fighting, I feel like my body is gearing up for labor anyway, I give in. At 2:00 pm Sunday Nov 23rd they start inducing with a little pill called me-zo (I’m spelling it phonetically, because I have no idea how it’s actually spelled. Plus, that’s just the nickname.) They use it internally, instead of orally, it’s supposed to “ripen the cervix” I’m given this stuff once every 4 hours, I had 4 doses, not much change, still contracting. I was able to sleep, Mark and my mom were switching back and forth, trying to catch some sleep on the little pull out cot.… at about 4:00 am on Monday morning we call my sister Joy and my mother-in-law and tell them to come in because my contractions were getting closer and more uncomfortable (Mind you, I was in labor for only 6 hours with Gideon and from “active labor” to “transition” to him being born, happened VERY quick, we didn‘t want them to miss anything.) at 7:45 my Dr. broke my water, I was 3 cm dilated. (Then she proceeded to leave the hospital to go into the office, sorry Janice, But you’re not delivering on my time… maybe I’ll get to deliver baby # 3.) There was next to no cervical change all morning. At 11:00 am they asked me to rate my pain on a scale of 1-10, I say “8 or 9” which was more then the last time they asked. Then the Dr. has the nerve to ask the nurse, “Is it really getting worse?” hoping that the monitors will tell them better than I can, the nurse says “No, she is the same she’s been all morning” apparently, the stupid machine knows my pain better then I do. They said I was maybe 5 cm, so they were going to start pitocin, “or just give me a ‘whiff of pit’” (ugh, I hate the medical propaganda, seriously, I think there is an underground religion of medical professionals that worship the “wonder drug” that is pitocin.) Anyway, They started a pitocin drip of 2... Which I guess is 2 parts pitocin to 500 parts whatever it is that they were hydrating me with (saline? I don’t know…) Literally, within 5 minutes of them starting the drip I exclaimed in the middle of a contraction “I think I need to push!” I start trembling and crying… Commotion happens… My substitute Dr. comes in “What? We just checked her, I don’t think she has to push.” She checks again, I’m at 5 ½ cm, “she’s fine, we’ll be delivering this baby in a few hours.” 5 minutes and 2 contractions later I say it again “this baby’s coming!” my mother-in-law runs out to get the nurse again. They come in, check and “oh look, the baby’s head is crowning… guess she was in active labor after all.” I pushed for 10 minutes and out came our beautiful baby boy, Silas Noah Leverenz. Then, despite my birth plan, they upped my pitocin for the after birth.

So, it was not an ideal birth, and my plan was not followed as closely as I was hoping it would be. But, in the end we had a healthy mama and a healthy baby, which is what matters most. Next time, I’m having a home birth, even if that means I need to move to Texas for a month so that Hannah can deliver my baby. : ) If I knew that it was going to go this way, I would have tried harder to figure out a way to have a homebirth this time, or at least an out of hospital one.

P.S. I’m going to give Mark public props, he is the BEST labor and delivery coach I could ask for. I love the connection that we have when we’re bringing our children into the world, together. He can read me like a book, and knows exactly what I need. He’s pretty much the best, he’s my favorite!

The Birth Plan

2008-12-05T19:04:00.000-08:00

Onset of labor - Spontaneous
Clothing - Preferably my own, flip-flops, NO SOCKS
Empty bladder - Walk to toilet, bed pan if needed, NO CATHETERS
Fetal monitoring - Preferably none, intermittent if needed
Pain Relief - Basic relaxation, narcotics if asked for, please do not offer. NO EPIDURAL
Pushing - Only when I’m ready, then with direction so as to not go too fast (Side laying position?)
Perineal Care - Preferably massage, NO EPISIOTOMY
Cutting cord - Father, wait until pulsing stops
Baby’s warmth - Placed on mothers abdomen, breast feeding asap
Afterbirth - No pitocin
Rooming In - 24 hours with mother
Discharge - Preferably within 24 hours of delivery
No vaccines for baby!

Some of this may sound silly, but almost all of it came from my first birth experience. : )

The crazy week leading up to the birth of Silas

2008-12-05T18:41:00.000-08:00

(I started writing this prior to giving birth, then finished it afterward)

This week has been hard! Due to being; terribly uncomfortable, stir crazy from bed rest, worried about induction, and insane as I watch the house that I’ve kept so clean this month, (In hopes of bringing a new baby into a tidy, organized home) simply turn disastrous in a matter of days. (Mark tried really hard, but… lets just say, he’s not a professional home-maker.)

Here is an account of what’s gone on this week, the week that has felt as long as a month.

Thursday Nov. 13th - Regular weekly Dr.’s appointment. Dr. says: “Oh, I’m really surprised you’ve made it past 40 weeks, it should be any day now. I’ll be out of town this weekend, we’ll do a non stress test on Monday… if you haven’t had this baby yet.”

Over the weekend - I’m having regular contractions, several really strong ones. I have a head cold, and feeling kind of tired. Mixed emotions, “I want to have this baby” battling “my Dr.’s out of town, I’d really like her to be here this time.”

Monday morning (17th) - 8:30, My mom picks us up, we drop Gideon off at my mother-in-law’s, we go into the hospital for the nst. 9:00, I’m hooked up to the monitors, baby sounds great, slight contractions, high blood pressure. 9:30, blood pressure still high, but gradually going down to a less dangerous spot. 10:00 I’m thrown into a whirlwind. Mark is trying to get in contact with me, no cell phone reception, I’m hooked up to the monitors in bed so I can’t use another phone, he decides to come. Before I know it I’m told we’re going to go ahead with an induction. I’m admitted, in a hospital gown, hooked up to more monitors. Mark is running back home to pick stuff up. My dad called and prayed for me, I then burst into tears. A nurse comes in to do a random room check, she sees me, inquires a little, then sends in my nurse and Dr. “what’s wrong?” they ask empathetically. “I DON’T WANT TO BE INDUCED!” Was my not so calm response (I’m still working on standing up for my patients rights, rather than letting the medical profession make every decision for me…) They then realized that this was a real concern for me, I whole heartedly did not think it was in my baby’s best interest for us to induce, and it was not just an attempt to have a perfect pie in the sky granola birth. 1:30, They agree to discharge me as long as I adhere to bed rest, and I take every test imaginable to ensure that this baby is healthy, and I can continue waiting for my body to do what it was designed to do. Every test came back negative. I did not have preeclampsia. I was okay, the baby was okay. (that’s what they were afraid of, I had preeclampsia for Gideon’s pregnancy, and they thought I had it again.)
Wednesday - Mark and I go in to office for another nst, we pass with flying colors. Turns out I’m the talk of the office. “Some crazy girl has made it to 41 weeks gestation and she doesn’t want us to induce!!!” Even the receptionists were talking about it. I didn’t get to see my Dr., so I was talking with a different one, who said, “usually this is such an easy call to make, we literally don’t know what to do with you at this point.” (Supposedly most woman are begging for inductions at 38-39 weeks.) I was told that my Dr. would call me that night or the day after.

Thursday - I’m doing well on bed rest… stir crazy, but I don’t want my BP to go up, I was being good. : ) No call from my Dr.

Friday - No call

Saturday Morning - Still no call. At this point I think something is up, but heck, she wants to induce me, and I don’t want her too. I’m not going to call just so I can argue my case AGAIN!
Saturday Evening - Within minutes of each other Mark and I both come down with the flu. It was NOT pretty. Vomiting and everything else you can imagine. We were miserable. Thankfully (for us) we were at my parents house when we got sick, so we had plenty of caretakers for ourselves and Gideon. (This was the FIRST instance where we were both sick at the same time. It‘s harder then being sick back to back) We hardly slept that night.

No weapon formed against me

2008-11-30T06:41:00.000-08:00

This is a post that I wrote at about 21 weeks gestation, I knew it would be months before I actually posted it, but felt I needed to write it then. This has been saved in my little “Blogging stuff” folder, and now it is my joy to share it with you.
On Monday at 12:02, I gave birth to an extremely healthy baby boy, Silas Noah. (I’m working on a VERY long birth story post… it’ll be a while before you see it.)
I pray that as you read on, God would fill you with peace and hope, for whatever it is that your family is going or will be going through. Enjoy!

The peace of this moment is unearthly. What a calm, so surreal. Gideon is in bed, not sleeping yet, just chattering away, “a-mamma, wam a ma, Dah?” I think he just tossed his sippy cup out of the crib. The rain outside is coming down pretty hard. I love rain. The house is dimly lit, just one table lamp is on. I was reading, but had to put down my book in order to capture this beautiful moment. My feet are up (a common occurrence these days, as I’m prone to retaining water.) I just finished a small square of chocolate, and have another waiting for me. Sipping my iced coffee… this moment is perfect. The best part is, the peace. “No weapon formed against me shall prosper, it won’t work” sings Fred Hammond and his choir through the computer. “No way, no way, it won’t work… I know God will do what He said He will do. He’ll stand by his word… Don’t be afraid of the enemy.” No weapon formed against me, against my family, against my pre-born child, will prosper. It just won’t work, that my soul knows very well.

You see, this morning I received a phone call from my Dr., she was calling to share some results from my ultrasound last week. “There are many reasons why this might be, such as an incorrect due date, a measurement error by the ultrasound technician, or any number of things, but it looks as though your baby has shorter femur and humus bones than a baby this stage of gestation should have. I know that you won’t do anything with this information, but this could be a sign of down syndrome. I just need to tell you this. We’ll do another ultrasound in a few weeks, and you already said you don’t want the other tests for discovering birth defects. So, just think about it, call me if you have any questions.” I responded very cool, it didn’t even phase me. I called Mark at work, we both decided that we’d rather not have any unnecessary tests, and this little baby is a blessing, and will be born fearfully and wonderfully made. I was fine, I had peace, and I believed that our baby would be born healthy. But Satan began whispering lies to me, he started moving fear into me heart, giving me all the reasons this was happening, I couldn’t handle this. I called my mom, knowing she could stand with me in prayer, knowing her faith would spread to me, knowing that I’d be encouraged by her soothing voice and peaceful countenance. “Mom, we don’t want anyone else to know about this, because we know that everything will be fine but I just need you to pray for me…” bursting into sobs I told her what the Dr. said, she prayed with me and said she’d start fasting, and keeping us in her prayers, but she believed that this baby boy is to be born completely whole, completely healthy. I agreed.
Hours later now, I am so in awe of how the Lord has changed my spirit, from panic, fear and needless guilt, to peace, hope and complete faith. Surely, no weapon formed against me shall prosper, it won’t work!

This little baby growing inside of me is a blessing, I love him, I will always love him, but more importantly, Jesus Christ loves him, and can take so much better care of him than I ever could. That’s why I give my children back to God, he knows and cares for them in a way that’s outside of time, he knows their beginnings and their ends and every step in between. This baby has a destiny, and whatever that may be, God’s got a hold of him. No amount of worry, fear or research can give him any better than what the Lord has for him.

“No weapon formed against me shall prosper, it won’t work, when the Enemy comes in like a flood the Lord will lift up a standard against him, and he won’t prosper, no, no, no, no, no, no, it won’t work… I know God will do what He said He will do, He will stand by his word He will come through… I won‘t be afraid of the arrows by day, from the hands of my enemies I will stand my ground with the Lord at my side… No weapon formed against me shall prosper, IT WON‘T WORK!…”

Raising boys - Should violent play be aloud?

2008-11-14T07:18:00.000-08:00

“See that? You’re having a boy!” exclaimed the ultrasound technician. Perfect! 2 boys, brothers. Close in age, they’ll take care of each other, and together, be role models for future siblings, and watch over any sisters they might have. 2 boys! We started calling our families and my brother John said “wow! Jane, you’re a mom of men!” “What? No, they’re just babies. They’re not men. I can take care of babies, I have no clue how to be a mom to men!”

As Gideon is getting older, and daily showing less signs of infanthood, and more signs of boyhood, I’m faced with a specific conflict. Is it possible to raise a boy to be a man who defends justice, protects the weak and helpless and stands up for what is right, without allowing violent play? Is it possible to raise them to be that way with violent play?

I joke with Jeffrey (my younger brother) about how I’m not a pacifist, I’m a peaceful activist. It’s rather silly, seeing as how I’m rarely active in expressing my beliefs. And honestly, still coming to my own conclusions on so many issues, that I may not even know where to start most kinds of activism.

I am going to try to refrain from making blanket statements or using any kind of generalities. With that said, I am going to avoid disclaimers as much as possible, if someone actually wants to comment on this blog, I’d love some free discussion.

I do not want any of my sons (and obviously my daughters) to join the military, any branch. I don’t believe that Jesus would have done any such thing, and regardless of what happened in the Old Testament, I see NO evidence in the New Testament that such a thing is honoring to God.
The dilemma? Do I allow my sons to “reenact” battles from wars of our history? Does the learning opportunity outweigh the moral? Do the moral issues involved in war actually give me an avenue to teach my sons about social injustice? If I never want them to participate in the killing of human beings legal or otherwise, how can I allow it in their play time?

Carol - http://www.thoughts-of-home.blogspot.com/ put a post up about a week ago giving great gift giving advice. She had several links to articles and other blogs, that analyzed play and such… the one I chose to read was called “band, bang! You’re dead.” It was interesting. I read it, Mark read it, and we’ve been discussing it whenever we get a chance. The other night we stayed up WAY too late, because we couldn’t stop chatting. (sometimes, when bed time comes around, my husband and I are more like little girls at a sleepover, rather than a married couple with a toddler and a baby on the way… wow, not that I’m calling Mark a little girl… man, that sounds bad… anyway…) The author of this article had many interesting points. I wish I just had a recording of the 3 hour conversation we had on this, it was riveting. (everything seems more insightful late at night, don’t you think?) Over the next few weeks, I’m going to try to do my best to recap the conclusions we came to. The reasons for why such conclusions were made, and what we intend to allow in our home, and for our family.

A thankful heart - A Merry heart

2008-10-29T08:34:00.000-07:00

Today, I’m just feeling thankful.

I’m thankful for our Youth Group. Last night Ian (a co-leader) and I took a group of kids roller skating, don’t worry, I didn’t skate, I sat on the side lines in the “disabled” section. : )
It was so much fun! It was way out there, about an hour drive from us, but the car rides were fun and we just had a blast!

The best part of the night was how thankful the kids were. Everyone was so considerate, and they just kept thanking us for bringing them, and for organizing the event. It was absolutely delightful to hang out with this group of kids for the evening! They’re good kids!

I was sitting here just thinking about how thankfulness, expressed last night, is still making an impact on me today. A group of teens, with thankful hearts, have influenced me to have a thankful heart today.

A thankful heart makes a world of difference in ones day.

A thankful heart makes a merry heart.

Proverbs 15:13 A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

Here’s a bit on a Merry Heart, I found it on www.Sermonindex.net, by A.B. Simpson.

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine

King Solomon left among his wise sayings a prescription for sick and sad hearts, and it is one that we can safely take. A merry heart doeth good like a medicine. Joy is the great restorer and healer. Gladness of spirit will bring health to the bones and vitality to the nerves when all other tonics fail and all other sedatives cease to quiet. Are you ill? Begin to rejoice in the Lord, and your bones will flourish like an herb, and your cheeks will glow with the bloom of health and freshness. Worry, fear, distrust, care-all are poisonous! joy is balm and healing, and if you will but rejoice, God will give power. He has commanded you to be glad and rejoice, and He never fails to sustain His children in keeping His commandments. Rejoice in the Lord always, He says. This means no matter how sad, how tempted, how sick, how suffering you are, rejoice in the Lord just where you are-and begin this moment. The joy of the Lord is the strength of our body, The gladness of Jesus, the balm for our pain, His life and His fullness, our fountain of healing, His joy, our elixir for body and brain.

Have a beautiful and thankful day, and may your heart be merry!

P.S. I'll have some photos of the evening on Facebook soon!

I've been tagged

2008-10-27T12:13:00.000-07:00

1) I HATE wearing matching pajamas. If I have a pajama “set” than I never wear both the top and bottom at the same time. I’d rather have them be the worst clashing items ever, than to have the top and bottom match.

2) Thanks to severe motion sickness and morning sickness, in my travels I have left a trail of vomit. Someday my claim to fame will be that I’ve thrown up on every continent. If I pinned all the places on a world map that I’ve vomited, you’d see markers running quite consistently along the Romanian and Hungarian countryside one in Heathrow, one in Milan, and all over the Dominican Republic. Not to mention all along the east coast of the US.

3) If you’re into the sibling placement personality traits, you’ll find me to be a very interesting/weird case. In my family there are 6 kids, as a way of keeping organized we have typically fallen into 1 of 3 sub divided categories; boys - girls, older half - younger half, and by twos (because children 1 and 2 are closer in age than 2 and 3, 2 and 3 are closer in age than 3 and 4...) So, being child # 3, depending on how you break it up, I am the first girl (with strong “oldest child” tendencies) I am the last of the older half (with many youngest child tendencies) and I belong in the second set of sibling pairs (therefore having extreme “middle child” tendencies.) Yeah, told you it was weird.

4) Sometimes, before I know it, I find myself pretending I’m in a movie or music video. Though it’s become less frequent the older I’ve gotten, at the age of 22 I still haven’t quit my imaginary acting career.

5) I make goals for myself, never intending on going anywhere with them. For instance, I have completed my goal of writing enough songs that I like, to put on an album. Yet would never even think about actually recording them. Now, I am currently working on a goal of writing 3 books, a novel, a children’s story and one that’s just filled with my thoughts on life, but don’t ever expect to see them published.

6) I only wash my hair every other day. My good hair days are the ones in between washings.

7) Someday, we’d like to live in a “community” of sorts. The town house next to ours is for sale, and we dream of buying ours and the one next to us, in order to have a good place to start this “commune.” It’s a perfect spot for a good group of Christians to live together, serving the hurting community around us. (Anyone interested?) ;-)

So, there it is, Not many of my faithful readers are bloggers, so if anyone wants to make a blog and start with this, be my guest! Just, consider yourself tagged.

Choose Glory

2008-10-18T10:28:00.000-07:00

:: For the last couple of weeks, in Youth Group, we’ve been reading the book of Philippians. Last night, on a slight tangent and whim of my husband‘s, we began to discuss glory. Just figuring out what it looked like, what it was, what is glorious… one of the guys began to tell us about a discussion that he had with Mark a few nights ago when they were out taking a walk back behind my parents house. He didn’t say what they had been talking about, only that they were amazed at how everything they saw was declaring the glory of the Lord. There was a brilliant full moon illuminating wisps of clouds, and all the stars were shining they’re brightest, attempting to assist the moon. They went on describing the beautiful country night, noting that every blade of grass, and every leaf that was present was declaring Gods glory. Simply by being what it was meant to be, creation was glorifying God.

:: Glorifying God was on my mind this morning at about 10:30. We were driving in the car when Gideon, from the back seat exclaimed with great excitement “the MOON!” “No, it’s day time honey, the moon’s not out right now” I replied, “moon” he said again. I looked in the direction that he was pointing, and lo I beheld, the moon. It was no brighter than any of the puffs of clouds, and honestly, I’m surprised that he didn’t just pass it off as being a round cloud. But there it was, still declaring the glory of the Lord, along with the rest of the earth on this dazzling autumn morning.
Gideon is always so excited to see the moon, we say hello to it, we say goodnight to it, we sit outside under a blanket and point to the sky saying, “MOON! STARS! MOON! LOOK!” I’m not sure what it is about the moon that makes him so excited, but I just love to watch him delight in all of Gods creation.

:: God’s creation is something that no child can ignore, it is ingrained in them to delight in their surroundings. To examine bugs, and pick flowers, feel tree bark, admire color and dirt and the sky and wind. Gideon doesn’t have to be taught to enjoy these things. Yet, we have to be taught to acknowledge the creator of these things. As I see Gideon discovering the world that he’s exposed to, I am inclined to recognize Gods creation - my son. As I see Gideon, simply being what he was created to be, I am shown the glory of God. Gideon, being a child, is declaring to the world that Gods fame, His bigness, His splendor… is real! Just like the moon, by being the moon, declares the same.

:: In the “Weight of Glory” C.S. Lewis talks about the fact that humans are given the choice to glorify God or not. Unlike the rest of creation that simply has to be, in order to glorify the Creator. We are required to choose.

:: I exhort you to choose glory. Be who God has created you to be. Take a lesson from all of creation and in every moment of existence, declare the glory of our creator!

On; domesticity and what it inspires in me

2008-10-09T09:46:00.000-07:00

How fun it is to be domestic!

:: I think in my “nesting phase” I’m finding great joy in doing things a little more old fashioned. On Monday my mother in law came over to teach me how to make and can applesauce. As I mentioned before, she’s already taught me how to can peaches. Back in June my mom taught me how to make strawberry jam. It’s so much fun! Not just the canning process, but every time I look in the pantry I get excited about seeing food that I CANNED! Every time I open a new jar I am thrilled that I know exactly what’s in the jar, and am delighted that I did it, albeit with a little help.

:: I’m sure its very similar for other people, that as soon as autumn comes around you just start feeling like it’s time to work with yarn. It’s time to get out the knitting needles or crochet hooks and start projects. At first, just to get the creative juices flowing, I usually start with a very simple project, one that can be finished in a few hours. Today, I finished my first project, a 100% cotton wash clothes, I plan on making enough of these so that I can do away with sponges all together. You know, be a little more eco friendly.

:: It’s interesting, I find that as I work at becoming more “domestic“, my heart yearns more for becoming international. I know that somewhere down the line God will place my family on the missions field. Perhaps not for years on end, but potentially a few months at a time. As I try to become less acquainted with the modern conveniences of western culture, I am encouraged to find that I enjoy doing certain things in certain less “convenient “ ways. (Who knows, maybe I’m reading too many Amish themed books…) I guess what I’m saying is that these little steps that I’m taking, help me envision myself being a mom and wife in less developed countries. Don’t tell anyone, but, sometimes when I’m rinsing diapers to put in the washing machine, I start imagining myself standing outside with a bucket of water and some soap flakes, hand washing diapers. The front door of our little shack is propped open and I can smell some sort of stew cooking inside. I don’t know where we are, but the dirt is red and the trees are tall and tropical. Little brown children run around the yard playing with my little blondies, and I look up the road and see Mark walking along, just chatting with a few men, perhaps discussing something spiritual, or just talking about the weather. I feel the warm breeze and actually enjoy the earthy scent of the nearby farm animals and smoke from our neighbors cooking fires. I enjoy this scene, and wonder if I’ll ever be there in any other way apart from my imagination. I hope so. I want to be faithful in the ministries that God has placed us in now, so that we can be proven capable of other, perhaps tougher ministries later on. I want to serve our youth group the best we can, taking care of those kids as though they’re our own, on our week to clean the church I want to do the most thorough job possible, I want to be the most gracious neighbor we can be. I want to be faithful in the little, all of the little that there is everyday.

Wow, talk about the Ramblings of!

Welcome this is a townhouse, we have cluster flies alas...

2008-10-04T09:22:00.000-07:00

One thing that happened in the month of September while I was absent from “The Ramblings Of” was an incredible infestation of fruit flies in our home. I suppose it started out as little fruit fly family finding a home full of comfort and bountiful food. This home, being our broken garbage disposal. They gathered inside when I wasn’t running the water, and when I was they would hover around the shadow box I have hanging on the wall above the sink. Over time these fruit flies started having babies, and their babies had babies, and before they knew it, the garbage disposal was just too tiny a home for all of them. So one branch of this family tree flew several feet north and found a lovely little spot in our pantry, one lonesome potato at the bottom of the potato tin. (that I of course didn’t remember) This fruit fly colony was really beginning to be a hassle for us. Of course, once these two areas were well settled, the younger and more adventurous little flies would seek out new frontiers, and travel over to Gideon’s highchair, where they could always find crumbs. Or they would venture upstairs to find a cereal bowl next to my bed (you know pregnant ladies and their late night snacks…) Before we knew it, we had a real problem on our hands, and to make matters worse, peaches were in season, and I had been planning ALL SUMMER to learn how to can peaches. So, on one of Marks days off, we headed over to a friends farm and picked LOTS of peaches. Peaches which sat on our dinning room table and counters for several days, while waiting to be canned. Our fruit flies were in peach heaven!

Enough was enough! I set out to annihilate this little settlement, and I would have no mercy!
I heard of a trick to get rid of fruit flies, “just set a glass of wine out on the counter over night , the flies will be attracted to the wine, then drown in it.” For any Ann Of Green Gables fans, I thought immediately of the mouse in the custard and thought, “hey, not a bad way to go… wine may be even more romantic than custard!” Seeing as how I had a bottle of cheap wine product that we wouldn’t drink and we had A LOT of flies, I set out a bowl of wine.

Guess what, our fruit flies are gone!

Looks like I'm back

2008-09-28T12:50:00.000-07:00

It’s been quite a while... almost a month.

Why haven’t I been around? I don’t know… I guess I just haven’t felt a blogging inspiration.
I’ve had plenty of other inspiration though, perhaps I just need to drift about from one creative project to another.

Here are a few examples of the things that have stolen my blogging time as of late: Seasonal decorating, (I LOVE autumn and find that my moms knack to seasonally decorate is inherent) sewing, (I’ve started making my own pre-folds) reading, (I just finished a series by Beverly Lewis, just silly Christian novels set in the Amish country of Lancaster PA, but my younger sister and I both read them so it’s fun to discuss the books) and reorganizing (I’m just trying to get everything in place for our new little baby to come)

Speaking of the baby, all is well. I’ve been given the liberty go about my normal activities again, and was told “at this point, you can afford some contractions.” So that’s a relief, I just don’t care for “taking it easy“ it’s not really my style.

I know some of you have heard of my quest to find a midwife that that will take me THIS pregnancy for a home birth, but alas, I have given up my search. I’ve been told that there is only one, possibly two midwives that will do home births in our area. I could only get the contact info for one of them, and she is too far away from where we live to come out for the birth. I did learn however that we have the best kind of health insurance for a home birth, so, perhaps for the next pregnancy we can get things rolling a little sooner, and find someone willing to come out. I spoke with my Dr. about how I was on a quest for a midwife, and she said she understood why I would be interested in a home birth and such a route. She also said that she wishes my first delivery went a little better than it did, don’t get me wrong, I thought over all my birth experience was GREAT, but my two qualms were 1.) the episiotomy given by a Dr. I had never met, and 2.) the occasional annoying night nurses that had a bee in their bonnet about everything. My Dr. said that out of all of the Dr.‘s that deliver at that hospital, I got the one who was least like a midwife in the fact that she was quick to intervene. She said that overall, every other Dr. in that practice is primarily anti intervention and strongly believes that some soft music and a change of position is better by any measure compared to an epidural or any other kind of intervention. I am confident that because of different circumstances with this pregnancy I will have a much better chance of having my Dr. or at least one that I’ve met, do the delivery.
Wow, this post is SO long already, and I haven’t even started writing about the things I had intended on writing. Oh well, I guess that’s for another day.
I think I will go eat some ice cream. : )

Fellow workers in Christ

2008-09-03T06:54:00.000-07:00

“The fourth thing, which I suppose isn’t really just specific to Priscilla, but rather the early church as a whole, is there commonality. I know that in our recent attraction to the “hippie commune” we’ve earned ourselves some strange looks and a bit of a weirdo reputation. Which is partly why it’s been something we’ve kept on the down low, but we’ll let you know when we’ve transcended from closet communers (don’t worry, I didn’t say communists) to public communers. At any rate, I thought it was so cool that Priscilla and Aquila were tentmakers, and so was Paul, that’s their original purpose that they started living together, they worked on there common trade. They weren’t just doing “church ministry” all the time, but were using their skills to earn money for their ministry. I’ve read that from time to time, Paul would stick to one place for a while in order to make enough tents to sell and then use that money to keep him going in ministry, probably until he ran out of money and needed to sell more tents. Seriously, read about the financial state of the early church, it makes so much sense. It’s inspiring! (Maybe that will be my next topic of study to post up here?…)”

Like I said, we are NOT communists. Communism, like everything that has become evil, was invented by God, and Satan perverted it so that it became something that it ought not to be.

Acts 2:40 And with many other words he testified and exhorted them, saying, “Be saved from this perverse generation.” 41 Then those who gladly received his word were baptized; and that day about three thousand souls were added to them. 42 And they continued steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. 43 Then fear came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were done through the apostles. 44 Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, 45 and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need. 46 So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, 47 praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved.

The early church, in all her glory.

Mark 10:17 As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. "Good teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
18"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone. 19You know the commandments: 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother."
20"Teacher," he declared, "all these I have kept since I was a boy."
21Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
22At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.
That passage can also be found in Luke 18.

I’ve briefly mentioned a book that we’ve read this year that’s called The irresistible Revolution, I highly recommend it, for us, it was life changing. There is an interesting point that Shane Claiborne (the author) made, he touched on the fact that the doctrine of being born again is not questioned by Christians, Jesus speaks of it once in John chapter 3, then it’s mentioned again in First Peter. Funny how we’ll make that doctrine, something we MUST follow as Christians, but look at selling all of our things to give to the poor as just a suggestion… they’re mentioned just as often, and arguably, taking the passage from Acts, the concept of commonality is mentioned more.

I like the idea of working side by side, for the same things, the same heart. Unity, like Jesus prayed that his bride would have.

I don’t agree with the welfare system. I know it’s helped lots of people before, but I think that the government is doing the job of the church. I think the church should be helping the lame, the crippled, the widow, and the orphan. I think that if as a church, meaning the whole body of Christ, globally, caught the vision of the early church, than there would be no need for our government to stand in place of what God’s people should be doing, and we would eliminate so many needs. I know I sound idealistic, but I’m talking about the Kingdom of God, His kingdom operates on a system I don’t understand, but, I think He can do it, if we become willing.

I feel like I have so much to say about this, and I’m sure that it will be something that I sprinkle around my blog from time to time. So, this is all for now.

But just think about how Paul mentioned Priscilla and Aquila as his fellow workers in Christ. Someday, I want to be spoken of that way, someday I want to have people that I can speak of that way. I want to be in a community of people where we can stand and work side by side, for the same things, the same goals, the same passion, and really see Gods kingdom come to earth and watch it grow. Doesn’t that sound thrilling?

What can you buy for 20 bucks?

2008-08-28T09:35:00.000-07:00

So I’ve mentioned before, money is tight for us. To be honest, I like it that way. Don’t get me wrong, I know God has more in store for us, and there are definite things that He’s calling us to do in the future, things that require money. I’m excited for that stage of our lives, and I know that it will be better than I can imagine. But, for now, God has us here. Yes, I believe that God has us in the financial state that we are in. It’s not something that needs a “name it and claim it” kind of attitude. It’s not something we need to rebuke. Our needs are being met in INCREDIBLE ways, and we are not going without. God is showing us His unbelievable favor, and doing it quite creatively too!

Marks Aunt Mary passed away last week. Mark believes she truly knew the Lord, and so with all of her health problems, it really was a blessing for her. My mother-in-law (Laurie) has been working tirelessly all week, sorting through Aunt Mary’s apartment. Laurie has this incredible gift, I don’t even know what to call it, maybe it’s a gift of helps. But she has this magnetic pull that just draws stuff to her garage, (possibly the cleanest garage ever!) the funny part about that it that she doesn’t like to have a lot of things lying around. (an attribute I well admire and must learn!) The part where the genuine gift comes in, is that she knows exactly who needs what, at what time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought “Oh, I could really use… too bad I can’t afford to buy that right now” and within a day I’ll get a call “hi Jan, it’s mom, Leverenz, listen, I have… here in my garage, could you use it?” No joke, a few months back I decided that I really ought to start using cloth diapers diligently, (we don’t have any credit cards so what we spend, we must have) “I really need more than the 3 diapers I got at my baby shower.” I thought. Then, “Hi Jan, it’s mom, Leverenz…” Somehow, she had a stack of pre-folds and diaper pins! The same goes with Dressers, stand up fans, beds, groceries, EVERYTHING! It’s pretty cool. So, anyway, we were really in need of a few grocery items, and Aunt Mary had a pantry full of the things I was in need of. Out of six kids in Marks family, a church full of people and plenty of neighbors, Laurie knew that we were in need of those things. God provides!

I am using cloth diapers almost 100%, I only use a disposable at night. (on Gideon of course) : ) And it’s so funny, I really enjoy it. Yeah, I enjoy washing poop off of fabric, go figure. LOL, well, I guess I just enjoy the fact that I’m being ecological and economical, it’s highly liberating. I love hanging the freshly washed diapers on the line, and seeing how clean I got them, after knowing how dirty they were. It truly gives me joy. I love that the money that Mark earns for this family isn’t being thrown away with a pile of crap, in a weird way, I feel like using cloth diapers is honoring my husbands hard work.

I love to do menu planning. Sometimes I don’t do it, because our budget doesn’t require it. I get lazy and then I just don’t do it. But every time I need to, I enjoy it so much. I should write a memo somewhere saying “You like to menu plan remember? Just do it!” It’s been fun, (my mom has brought some groceries over as well the last few weeks, and Joy will come over with like a gallon of milk or something, she says “God told me to do it”) So now, every time we sit down to eat dinner I say, the only part of this meal that we paid for is… and it’s something silly like the parmesan cheese. : ) God provides!

Gideon was in need of some autumn shirts, I saw an advertisement on Craig’s list for a “shop-aholic moms garage sale” there was a list of items that she had that we could use. So my friend Melissa and I set out to find this sale. I had 20 bucks in my wallet. I found 4 shirts for Gideon and 2 pairs of pants and 1 shirt for the new baby. We then noticed that there was a great farmers market down the road, so we went there. With my change from the garage sale, I bought a LB of local honey, (We were in need of it, seeing as how it’s allergy season) an eggplant, 2 huge bunches of lettuce (red leaf and a dark green,) and peaches. All of that, came to exactly $20.00. It was so fun to see how much I could buy when aiming for frugality. : ) Not to mention the ethical consumerism that was practiced here, but that’s for another day, and another blog.

I guess I just want to encourage all who are feeling the lack of funds. It’s hard sometimes, but try to find joy in this time of stretching. Don’t be afraid to brainstorm and come up with a few ideas out of the ordinary. Don’t be discouraged if you’re a stay at home mom and feeling like you’re not helping your husband out. My friend Liz said the other day “isn’t cool that the best thing we can do to help our families finances is stay home and not spend money?” It’s so true. Trust in God and obey, He’ll take care of the rest!

"I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but..."

2008-08-25T09:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, so yesterday, I was at my parents house, working on green beans (I'll elaborate another day) and I was standing at the kitchen counter. My sister Jenessa looked over at me from the rocking chair in the corner, where she was sitting and said. "Your cute, I love your big baby belly." With a smile I said "Thanks Nessa" she went on "You look really good, you have barely put on any weight besides around your belly." (Knowing this isn't true, yet feeling very good that someone would even suggest such a thing) I smiled a bit broader, "aw, really? Thanks" "Yeah" she replied, "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but you kind of look like a fudge-sicle"

What?

I was wearing a brown baby doll type maternity shirt that makes me look EVER SO PREGNANT and apparently she thought that the skirt I was wearing it with was slimming on the legs. Somehow, the slendering skirt and the belly accentuating top made me look like a fudge-sicle. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not, but hey, if someone wants to tell me that at 7 months pregnant my legs look like popsicle sticks, I'll take it!

Hospitality, who knew it takes so much?

2008-08-25T08:31:00.000-07:00

~The third thing that stood out to me was Priscilla’s hospitality. After just 2 years of marriage, I’ve found that when we open our home to someone, it’s not really Mark that cares what it looks like, or what we have to offer the people that come. It’s me, as the woman of the house I feel a sense of responsibility to serve the people that enter out home, whether it’s for a few minuets or for a year. Priscilla’s record of hospitality is incredible, she just didn’t take a break opening up her home to the local church body. How exhausting that must have been from time to time. Wherever they moved, their house was open as a place to fellowship with other believers. ~

I realize that back in New Testament time they probably didn’t have as much stuff to bring around with them. (like us silly Americans) When I first imagined this couple traveling about the globe so extensively I pictured a big sail boat loaded up with cardboard boxes, on the sides and tops of the boxes were big label written with a black sharpie, “Kitchen Stuff, Towels, Fragile Dinnerware, Stuff for Bathroom Cabinet, Priscilla‘s Clothes (the ones that don‘t fit anymore, but she can‘t get rid of)…” You know, the way I like to pack when I move. “Oh right,” I thought, it couldn’t have been that way, I’m sure they traveled with very little, if anything. Then I realized, “wow, that must have been even harder” with every new move they made she had to gather up more of the essentials, They weren’t just living like hermits with a little mat on the floor for sleeping and 2 plates, one for each of them. Priscilla was having loads of people into her home probably everyday, or at least a few times a week. She must have been really resourceful, in order to be able to accommodate flocks of people like that.

Resourcefulness seems to be an indispensable attribute to hospitality. How to make a meal stretch so that you don’t send anyone away hungry, where to put someone when they’re in need of a place to stay, how to maneuver a guest around your families daily activities or even personal catastrophes with grace. Resourcefulness is something that God has really been teaching me as of late, thankfully, it’s a lesson I actually enjoy learning. However, in learning resourcefulness, I find that it’s a twofold task, not only must you be willing to be creative, but it takes a little more work than… un-resourcefulness… you must combat laziness, selfishness, and self pity, along with whatever little daily ailments contribute to an unproductive, ungracious hostess. It’s work, it’s not something that just comes easy, no matter who you are.

Another extremely important thing that I think must go along with hospitality is being aware of the need for strength, not of your own power, but from tapping into the rich storehouse of Gods might. How does a girl do that?

Isaiah 30:15 says; This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength…”

Job 17:9 Yet the righteous will hold to his way,And he who has clean hands will be stronger and stronger.

Repentance, rest, quietness, trust, righteousness, clean hands. Search your heart, evaluate your life, if you don’t have strength, what’s going on that is hindering it? What from this list is missing from your spirit?

God says;

Isaiah 40:29 He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength.

He is the source, for EVERYTHING.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

God has strength enough for all of us, strength to step into our role as woman. Married, single, with children, without children, living in a mansion or your parents attic, He has designed every woman to walk in hospitality. Hospitality, entailing; resourcefulness, flexibility, a nurturing spirit, administration of comfort, and acceptance. Hospitable, one of the many delightful things God has beckoned you to become. Step, run, jump into what God is calling you to be, don’t thwart His desire to give you strength, walk in repentance, rest, quietness, trust, and righteousness, and he will continually renew your strength!

What a week!

2008-08-23T08:07:00.000-07:00

Yes indeed, quite a week it’s been!

:: I’ve had some sort of Hormone surge or something, and at some moments it’s all I can do to not burst out into tears over NOTHING! I think it could be linked to the fact that I haven’t breastfed Gideon in over a week, and perhaps my body is trying to regulate a little… I don’t know, last time I went through the weaning process I was the baby. : )

:: I have ALSO had a really great week as far as the spiritual is concerned. On Wed. we took a 2 hour drive to visit my parents who were camping with a group of very wonderful people. They were having a time of fellowship and had twice a day tent meetings. We made it there just in time to grab a snack and head over to the first meeting. Oh, LET ME TELL YOU, these people knew how to worship God - with full abandon - everyone was expressing their worship in a different way and it was BEAUTIFUL! There was a fantastic time of ministry, where Mark and I (and the new baby) had plenty of good, encouraging words spoken over us. God saw what we needed and, surprise, surprise, He met those needs. I can’t tell you how refreshing that day was! Seriously, I could blog a 7 page rant about how badly I/we needed to be there, how encouraging it was to see the church acting the way it ought to, with complete LOVE, no hidden agenda, no ulterior motives, acceptance of one another … the way the early church was…

:: On the other hand, God knew we needed to be there, because the next day and the following days brought some discouragement, and we were able to stand and say, “It doesn’t matter what it looks like, God spoke these words to us, and we are believing that just like every other time in our lives, He will meet our needs, and carry us through this time!” I’m not going to go on and on about all that’s happened, primarily it’s financial… Mark has been actively applying for sales positions (he’s currently in customer care…) and time after time the interviews go really well, there seems to be a glimpse of hope and then regretfully, the interviewee calls and says, “Mark, I really wanted to give you this job but because of, x.y.z., I had to give it to…” So, it’s been a little difficult. (A sales job would put us in a really good financial state, it would free us up to do the kinds of things that we really feel God is leading our family to do.) However, we keep seeing that God knows SO much better than we do, and he has our best interest in mind.

:: Gideon, of man, he’s so cute, he’s so smart! But this kid… *sigh*… he’s developed quite a little whine. I can’t even type the kind of noise that he makes when he’s upset… it’s like nails on a chalk board for me. Also, he’s been built to be a big brother to MANY children, because he constantly needs someone to play with. When he finally starts playing on his own, he just moves stuff around. The pile of shoes by the door become scattered about the floor, the doormat must be pulled out to the middle of the floor, every cardboard box waiting to be taken out to the recycling box it strewn over the house… and get this, he really wants it to be that way, he gets upset when I start putting them away. (He tells me this by doing a little stomping dance and making that awful noise I previously described.) I place my brown flip-flop in the corner where it ought to be, he picks it up and puts it right in the SAME spot he wanted it to be. What a kid. I actually began disciplining him for it. I wasn’t sure at first, but I realized that for my own sanity and in order to have a sufficient amount of grace with him for the whole day, it would be better for all involved if I just taught him not to do that after I’ve picked it all up. Hello toddler hood, right?

:: There is so much more to my week than these things, what was I thinking trying to compact them all into one blog entry?!?

Okay, so, this is becoming such a long entry that I don’t think anyone will actually read this whole thing. That’s okay though, I am a verbal processor, I blog for my own benefit. If you happen to read it, I hope it benefits you, but it’s primary purpose is to lasso my own thoughts into something tangible, therefore clearing my mind for other purposes.

Low CO2 hot glue

2008-08-15T17:49:00.000-07:00

So, I was just working on a baby shower gift, I needed to glue something with hot glue. I had to buy glue sticks today because I’ve been out of them forever! It turns out, I’ve been out of glue sticks SO LONG, that I misplaced my hot glue gun… what to do… what to do?

Necessity is indeed the mother of invention. I lit a candle and held my little hot glue stick over it, it took a while longer, but quite frankly, I liked not having the cord from the glue gun in the way of what I was doing. And the glue didn’t get as hot either, no burnt fingers! Yay!

Not to mention, I totally didn’t use electricity for any of my project, good for the environment, good for the energy bill. :-P

A morning trip to triage

2008-08-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, was a bit of a crazy day. Gideon was in bed with us, nursing away like any usual morning. I was in and out of sleep, trying to buy any extra minuets I could, when I started getting really uncomfortable, I was having back pain and A LOT of Braxton Hicks, my whole abdomen went rock hard. That’s when I woke up. “Hmm,” I thought, “It’s unusual for me to feel this bad already. This is how it gets at night after a really hard day.” I stayed in bed Gideon stopped nursing and began exploring our bedroom as Mark and I kept one eye each on Gideon and with the other eye, still tried to sleep. (I’m describing a very typical morning for us.) As time drew on I realized I was having a lot more contractions than what is common for the irregular Braxton Hicks. At 8:15 I began timing them, they weren’t terrible, and not very long, But my Dr. told me that if I had more than 6 an hour to call her. Every 6 minuets, lasting about 30 seconds each, and that was after it calmed down. I called my Dr.’s office and they told me to go into the hospital where my Dr. was on call. We dropped Gideon off at my parents house and headed out to the Hospital. I signed in and waited in triage as they hooked up the monitors. Baby’s fine, mama’s still having some contractions, “Here drink this… internal exam… just a fingertip dilated, tell me about your morning, tell me about last night… beep, beep, beep… whoosh, whoosh… there‘s an active little boy in there… everything seems okay… a little more time on the monitor… we‘ll give you a shot to stop the contractions… you‘ll feel awful from it though… you‘re doing okay, we can send you home, don‘t do x.y.z… call us if a.b.c. happens…” Pretty much sums up the 3 hours we spent there. Thank the Lord I’m not on bed rest! They just told me to take it easy.

I was advised to stop breastfeeding seeing as how within the last week or so, every time Gideon nursed, (or rather pacified, having no milk left) I would start contracting, and that’s what I was doing when it all started. Yesterday morning was the last time we did it, and he’s actually doing really well with it. He only has asked for it prior to a nap or bed time, and when I say “No, I’m sorry, we can’t do that right now” he just lays his head back on my shoulder and rests as I rub his back and sing worship songs. Over the last month I’ve tried not to make nursing the primary focus of our bed time routine, making it much more about snuggling, singing and a back rub. I must admit, I cried last night, it was hard for me to say “no” to his request for nursing before bed, I’ve said “no” during the day before, and it wasn’t a big deal for me, but for some reason the night time nursing was just hard for me to deny him. He didn’t seem to mind, and I am sort of relieved that I won’t have to figure out how to work our regular nursing routine in with the new baby’s demanding schedule. And if he sees the new baby nursing and decides he wants to try again, I think I’m okay with that.

So, this is my little story, and perhaps the closing chapter of my first breastfeeding experience.

Please, pray for us though, I want this little baby boy coming no sooner than he’s ready. I don’t want to go on bed rest, and I want to continue to be the hands on, playing on the floor, chasing him around, active mom that I’ve been for Gideon all along. I would so appreciate it, Thanks!

World full of sin, heart full of sin

2008-08-09T11:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday while driving, I was thinking about stuff. Stuff like little girls being sold to very bad men, and very bad men selling those little girls bodies to other very bad men. I was thinking about slavery that still goes on, I was thinking about genocides and abortion. I was thinking about world hunger and how unnecessary it is. I was thinking about all the bad very terrible things in this world. “How can all of this still go on? Aren’t there enough advocates out there for each cause letting everyone else know what’s happening? Aren’t there enough people out there to care?” But then I started thinking, I have a hard time forgiving people, I hold bitterness, I gossip, I stand in judgment against so many people. I’m not clean, I know those things are awful, they hurt me, they hurt others. I sin, and this sin weighs the same as all other sin.

I’m so in awe of our need for a savior. I’m so in awe of a Savior who would die for me. How incredible the weight of mankind’s sin must have been on Christ’s soul. How incredible the freedom we now can have from the punishment of our sin. How incredible a Savior!

An Ode to Isaac Nowak

2008-08-06T08:59:00.000-07:00

Dear young man, I like you a lot. You’re are a certain kind of kind, the kind of kind that makes people want to be around you. Not because you try to go out of your way to make people feel like they’re liked, no quite the contrary, you tend to accept people just the way they are. You even grab hold of the little quirks in people that may make them less than perfect, embrace them, and make them something to laugh about, not in a demeaning way, but in a light hearted, everyone’s human kind of way.

You respect women, (which is probably why you have so many girl friends, sorry… friends that are girls.) you respect your elders, and you seem to hold a certain respect for yourself as well. I have never (though I’m sure you’ve fallen trap now and then) heard you speaking of vulgar or crude things, nor keeping frequent company with people who do so.
You have interest in neat fitted sheet folding, or at least you are genuine enough for me to believe that you do.

You are a good friend to my sister, and I know at times, if it weren’t for you, she may have lost hope in mankind altogether.

You are a young man that I wouldn’t mind my sons hanging around, just so they can pick up on some of your characteristics.

You are a pleasure to have in our home, and are always welcome. (unless it’s girls night…)

This is my ode to you, I told you that you deserve it, and though it may be late, I am true to my word.

Now fly to Neverland Peter Pan, the lost boys are waiting!

Priscilla and Aquila - The Ideal Couple

2008-08-06T08:52:00.000-07:00

~The first thing that stood out to me about Priscilla, or rather about this couple, is that their names were ALWAYS mentioned together, and never in a particular order. Never once was one name said that you didn’t immediately read the other. What does this say about their relationship? What does this say about their ministry?~

We have a little book that has been sitting on our shelf for… well, not too long seeing as how we’ve only been living here for about 2 years, but I had never read it. It’s called “Two Shall Be One” By C.M. Ward, randomly a few weeks ago while on my way up the stairs, I grabbed it off the shelf and stuck it in the bathroom, thinking it may be a good read while Gideon was in the bath. (Oh, you didn’t think I was going to say so I could read it while I was using the toilet, right? I can’t read more than a sentence while I’m in the bathroom. Like all my other personal time, it’s pretty much nonexistent… Anyway…) I was casually making my way through the little book of 146 pages, when lo and behold, he begins to speak about couples in the Bible, at the end of chapter 2 (entitled, One plus One) who do you think got the “Ideal couple award?” You guessed it, Aquila and Priscilla.

I’ll try not to type out the entire excerpt from this chapter, it’s a bit wordy, I’ll aim to stick to key points. (No promises though, I always failed in school when I was supposed to write a paragraph using 400-500 words, I’d have too many words, whittle it down to the bare minimum and still, I’d have a 700 word paragraph… I like words.)

“In the ideal marriage, the husbands loving leadership is supported by a wife who respects his position as head of the home. Within their respective roles, husband and wife share family responsibilities. He takes pride in his work and is a good provider. As manager of the household, the wife uses her talents to meet the needs of the family. Husband and wife exchange views and respect each others opinions. At the heart of this sharing relationship is a deep spiritual oneness that brings stability and unity to their home and marriage.
Aquila and Priscilla had this kind of give-and-take marriage. (See Acts 18:1-3,26; Romans 16:3- 5.) Lets take a closer look at this… couple and see why their marriage was such a success.”

He goes on to talk about their individual backgrounds, of Priscilla’s high social standing, and obvious clash of cultures you find within this couple.

“We read of him [Aquila] first at Pontus, then at Rome, later at Corinth and Ephesus, then back to Rome and at Ephesus again.
In spite of their gypsy-like lifestyle, Priscilla always followed her husband… Priscilla… must have faced many situations with a stiff upper lip.
During one of the first Jewish persecutions, Aquila was expelled from Rome. At this point, Priscilla’s loyalty to her husband may have been tested, but she was determined to follow him, if need be, the ends of the earth.”

Ward spends some time talking about the business they set up in Corinth, and of how Paul began to refer to them as “my helpers in Christ.” When Paul decided to go to Ephesus, they liquidated their assets, and moved with him.

“With their assets, they invested in a spacious home and began a “church… in their house” (Romans 16:5). They unselfishly opened their home to neighbors and started having services. Think of the sacrifice involved as Priscilla put the cause of Jesus Christ ahead of her furniture, her privacy and her security. She wanted her home to be used for the work of the gospel.
Paul pays high tribute to Aquila and Priscilla saying that they were willing to lay down their… necks” to save his life (Romans 16:4). Ten years later, some of Paul’s fellow-workers had fallen away, but not these two. In his final letter the apostle bids farewell to his friends, “Salute Prisca and Aquila” (2 Timothy 4:19)
Their witness for Jesus remained firm, and their marriage testified to the strong bond of love and always together: “Aquila and Priscilla,” or “Priscilla and Aquila.”

Imagine all that, imagine you were her, imagine you were him. Imagine the extreme relationship functionality required to lead a life such as that.

My prayer is that Mark and I will continue to grow toward God, together, so that we can walk in the fullness of what God has for our lives. So that we can step into the fullness of our destiny. So that we can further His kingdom, even through small ways, such as opening our home to whomever needs a place.

Perhaps someday we’ll reach a point that we could be used as an example in a book as “the ideal couple.”

A look at Priscilla - the outline

2008-08-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

Here is the short list of scripture references that mention Priscilla; Acts 18:2-3, Acts 18:18-21, Acts 18:24-28, Romans 16:3-5 and 2 Timothy 4:19. I will post the actual scripture that I’m referring to later on, but here is just a brief summery of each segment of scripture.

Priscilla and Aquila were Corinth when Paul met them, they were there because all Jews were forced to leave Rome, they all worked together making tents. They were together in Corinth about a year and a half. (Acts:18:2-3)
They then sailed with Paul to Syria and then “as far as Ephesus.” Paul left them at that point, they remained there. (Acts 18:18-21)
Priscilla and Aquila meet Apollos, they take him aside, (though it doesn’t say to where or for how long) they teach him, he goes his way. (Acts 18:24-28)
Eventually they went back to Rome and had a home church there. (Romans 16:3-5)
Some years later they ended up back in Ephesus, still hosting a church in their home. (2Timonthy 4:19)

That’s basically all that you can realistically gather from scripture about this couple. There are obviously other information resources that look deeper into time and circumstance, however, strictly from reading about them in the bible, this is it.

Now, you may at this point be feeling like “So what? This lady moved a lot, whatever…” But if you look into her circumstances and place yourself in her shoes, you’ll find there is a wealth of character in her.

The first thing that stood out to me about Priscilla, or rather about this couple, is that their names were ALWAYS mentioned together, and never in a particular order. Never once was one name said that you didn’t immediately read the other. What does this say about there relationship? What does this say about there ministry?

The Second thing that stood out to me, which dramatically goes along with the first thing, is that Priscilla probably wasn’t Jewish, biblical scholars agree that she was probably Roman and of a high standing family. She didn’t have to leave Rome, only her Jewish husband did, She went with him though, and left a position of comfort, influence and reputation to follow her husband. (Not to mention, she left her family there)

The third thing that stood out to me was Priscilla’s hospitality. After just 2 years of marriage, I’ve found that when we open our home to someone, it’s not really Mark that cares what it looks like, or what we have to offer the people that come. It’s me, as the woman of the house I feel a sense of responsibility to serve the people that enter out home, whether it’s for a few minuets or for a year. Priscilla’s record of hospitality is incredible, she just didn’t take a break opening up her home to the local church body. How exhausting that must have been from time to time. Wherever they moved, their house was open as a place to fellowship with other believers.
The fourth thing, which I suppose isn’t really just specific to Priscilla, but rather the early church as a whole, is there commonality. I know that in our recent attraction to the “hippie commune” we’ve earned ourselves some strange looks and a bit of a weirdo reputation. Which is partly why it’s been something we’ve kept on the down low, but we’ll let you know when we’ve transcended from closet communers (don’t worry, I didn’t say communists) to public communers. At any rate, I thought it was so cool that Priscilla and Aquila were tentmakers, and so was Paul, that’s their original purpose that they started living together, they worked on there common trade. They weren’t just doing “church ministry” all the time, but were using their skills to earn money for their ministry. I’ve read that from time to time, Paul would stick to one place for a while in order to make enough tents to sell and then use that money to keep him going in ministry, probably until he ran out of money and needed to sell more tents. Seriously, read about the financial state of the early church, it makes so much sense. It’s inspiring! (Maybe that will be my next topic of study to post up here?…)

So, That’s pretty much what I’ll be focusing on for the time being. Remember, this is just what God’s got me hanging on for a while, I don’t know if it’s going to make any difference to you at all. Blogging is the new paperless journal I guess…

New Zealand Parenting... what?

2008-07-31T08:46:00.000-07:00

Its been so long, I'll probably end up posting a million things this week. (I don't like posting a bunch of subjects all at once, I'll usually write about a specific thing, then post a second one, once the subject changes.)

A while back I had a post on American Parenting, boy, do I have something for you!

New Zealand Parenting!

Here's an article I found on the yahoo home page last week;

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A family court judge in New Zealand has had enough with parents giving their children bizarre names here, and did something about it.

Just ask Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. He had her renamed.
Judge Rob Murfitt made the 9-year-old girl a ward of the court so that her name could be changed, he said in a ruling made public Thursday. The girl was involved in a custody battle, he said.
The new name was not made public to protect the girl's privacy.
"The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment which this child's parents have shown in choosing this name," he wrote. "It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily."
The girl had been so embarrassed at the name that she had never told her closest friends what it was. She told people to call her "K" instead, the girl's lawyer, Colleen MacLeod, told the court.

In his ruling, Murfitt cited a list of the unfortunate names.
Registration officials blocked some names, including Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit, he said. But others were allowed, including Number 16 Bus Shelter "and tragically, Violence," he said.
New Zealand law does not allow names that would cause offense to a reasonable person, among other conditions, said Brian Clarke, the registrar general of Births, Deaths and Marriages.
Clarke said officials usually talked to parents who proposed unusual names to convince them about the potential for embarrassment.

Yeah, need I say more?

Although, Number 16 Bus Shelter does have a ring to it...

Priscilla

2008-07-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

I’ve mentioned our women’s bible study before, I love it, it’s so nice to spend time worshiping and studying the word with woman older, younger, and the same age as me. (half of those mentioned are related to me… man, I wish more ladies would come to it!) I’ve been so blessed by our current series, it’s just “woman of the bible,” each person is assigned a woman from the bible (bet you didn’t see that one coming) to study and research, and then when we come together we share whatever it was about our woman’s story, or life, or the way she was mentioned, that stood out to us. The profound things that have come up and out of these “common” stories is incredible. So far, in the few months that we’ve been doing this kind of study, we’ve probably covered over 25 different woman. It’s really cool how each time a new woman is covered there is not just a different thing to talk about, but there’s even a different way to represent her story. There has been poems read, and songs played that were specific to what the researcher got out of it. There has been stories written out of creative liberty about the biblical woman, there has been prophetic acts meant for specific woman attending the bible study that have come out of what we’ve learned from studying the woman mentioned in the bible. Even the bad girls of the bible, are teaching us things, God saw fit to have them mentioned, and a large amount of them are actually in Jesus blood line. I’m just having a really good time with it!

A funny thing though, is that I’m just caught up in one of the woman that I was assigned to. I was given Priscilla to study, and I knew who she was, I just didn’t know a lot about her. Her name is spoken only several times, scattered here and there throughout the New Testament, but, something about her just struck a chord with me. This woman has so many things about her that I admire, so many attributes that I long to have. She was one cool chick.

I’m thinking about (mostly for my own study purposes) posting a series on Priscilla and her different character traits that stand out to me, I’m going to continue along with our woman’s Bible study, but in my personal study time, I feel God’s asking me to hang on her for a while longer. So, If your confused by a plethora of posts entitled Priscilla, that’s what’s going down. Enjoy.

A little photo update

2008-07-22T12:57:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday, I said I was going to help paint the trim, I totally lied. I didn't even touch a paint brush apart from handing it to Mark.

I'm not sure how the crowbar was helping daddy, but Gideon sure was proud of it!

However, I did do something worth while, at least it was a fun learning experience. :-)

I took a pair of 7th grade "oh-so-punk" plaid pants (not so cute for a mom) and made a long pair of play shorts for Gideon, and a pair of plaid Bermudas for me (Which is a little more on the trendy side than the pants)

I got the idea for the play shorts from Danica's Blog, and kind of just ran with it. I sowed it by hand and made SO may mistakes.

At first I was happy with the way the top part turned out, but the legs were too wide, it looked like he was wearing a skirt, or kilt at best. :-) So I took in the legs from the inseam, which made the top too small to adequately cover a diapered bum. But they're good for around the house, and I think if I put a long shirt on with them he'll be able to wear them elsewhere.

The other mistake that I made (in a very pregnant brainless moment) was on the front of the shorts I sowed the seam inside out. I'm not sure if you can see it in the photo, but I made a pretend fly and sowed on a button to cover up the seam. I think
it made them look cuter too. :-)

I've been in such a sowing mood for months, I'm glad to start finally getting it out of my system, I've been looking on-line for all sorts of patterns/ideas, and have so many projects bouncing around in my head!

P.S. The pants were fresh out of the wash, I'm hoping they'll stretch a little on me and won't be so, um... fitted.

Martian Child

2008-07-21T13:47:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah, before I forget, another FANTASTIC movie that we saw the other night, Martian Child, it was very cute, very touching, very thought provoking and very clean. John Cusack, PG movie, highly pro-adoption. And Please tell me you’re planning on watching Bella, you’d be dumb not to. No offence. :-)

A little white wash should do the trick

2008-07-21T13:21:00.000-07:00

I'm SO excited, in just a few min.'s Mark and I are going to go paint our trim! Well, Marks going to paint, I'm going to help a little, (whatever I can reach without climbing a ladder.) :-) The trim in our front yard is in dire need of a new coat. Once the trim is finished, we’ll then hang (hopefully) our new window boxes! YAY! Our front yard has looked a little trashy since we’ve been here. We use the back of our house as the entrance and that’s where you park as well, so we’ve pretty much kept up that side of the house, the front… not so much. Our primary outdoor goal this summer is getting the front looking a little less shabby, I think for the most part it’s getting there (considering the budget we have for it.) :-)

Mark has been SO faithful to use his days off to do some yard/house work even if it’s just a little bit at a time. Last week he pulled all of our trees out of our gutter garden. WHAT A MAN!
I can’t wait to be able to plant a few things, even if they’re just shrubs! My garden in the front is in a bloom change, where as all of the early summer flowers are pretty much gone and now the later summer flowers are just blossoming. I’m happy with it, though it could be much better. (I don’t actually spend much time in the garden.) I’m sure once we get a fenced in area for Gideon to play in I’ll have more of a chance to work in my garden, for now ~ I pull one weed, chase Gideon to keep him from going near the road, water one plant, chase Gideon, pull another weed, chase Gideon, rotate a potted plant, chase Gideon… ~ I usually end up forgetting the weeds and just start playing with Gideon. ~Water Gideon while I’m chasing him.~ It’s all about consolidating your chores, right!?!

Tell me about your outdoor chores/hopes this summer. I’d love to hear about them.

Maybe I’ll post a few photos for your viewing pleasure. ‘Til then, I’m off to beautify our little corner of the world.

3 - 2 - 1 - AAANND - AUCTION

2008-07-18T16:39:00.000-07:00

Ah, contractions. I know that the little “Brackston Hicks” are helpful, and once it comes times to push this little babe out, I’ll be ever so thankful for the practice and muscle conditioning, but now… they’re just annoying.

This morning Gideon and I headed out to a local church to prepare for a big fundraising auction that takes place tomorrow. I’m excited about it, Mark and I (mostly Mark, I can’t see myself really making it through the long haul of the day) are heading up the youth volunteer portion of the auction. Which as far as I know is really just making sure everyone is in place, drinking enough water, working efficiently… The reason I’m so excited about this is because I really believe in the ministry that it’s helping out and I love that all of the churches and perishes are working together so efficiently despite denominational differences. This morning after holding hands in a circle while we opened in prayer, someone asked what congregations were represented there, everyone but one woman stated their name and church and she said “Oh, I’m a heathen, but I’m excited to help out here.” Though I’m sorry that she doesn’t have an eternal assurance of her salvation, I was thankful that she didn’t feel intimidated by the “churches,” and still saw the cause as a worth while one. : )

I had to leave early today because it was SO hot I was totally over heated, I looked like a lobster and Gideon needed his morning nap as well. After getting home and putting him in bed I lied on the couch and put my feet up, “Holy cow! My feet look like balloons!” I thought, when I finally got a chance to see them. “Elevate feet, drink water, try to rest,” the theme song of my summer. : ) I’ve been battling nausea and contractions off and on since then, hence the thought of not wanting to force myself to make it through the whole day of auctioning tomorrow. Especially because we have a wedding to go to in the afternoon, and I’d like to fit in my shoes.

It’s always hard to get our youth group kids involved in stuff that’s not the “super fun all about me kind of stuff,” not that these kids are overly selfish compared to any other group of young adults, I just think that the overall spirit of the youth in our little group is a little on the lazy side. I think we have a decent amount of kids committed to showing up tomorrow, but today we just had 2, and one of them is a Jr. Leader, or whatever Jake likes to call them. (They’re like the up and coming youth leaders.) So anyway, THANKS CHRIS AND JARON! You’re muscles today were very appreciated!

Footprints in the fryingpan

2008-07-17T10:43:00.000-07:00

How do things happen? As a mom (I know I say this all the time when blogging, but hey, that’s what’s on my mind…) I keep getting hit with this sense of aw as to how some things happen, nothing big, just little, totally out of the norm, kind of things. Several weeks ago I was going to make stir fry, I pulled out my frying pan, and there were 2 little Gideon sized foot prints in it. I know Gideon had been playing with the pots and pans, but footprints… common, that’s just weird.

:: A few days ago Gideon was refusing to nap, every so often he does this, I think he wants to see just how far I’ll let him go before rescuing him. Usually when he dose this he’ll cry for like 20 min’s, give up, and fall asleep. But the other day he cried for an hour and a half, with no sign of stopping. I went up to his room and he just looked SO tired, but was refusing to sleep. My thought process was as follows, “He really needs a nap. He’s so tired, he’s just being stubborn. If I let him get up now, what will happen tomorrow? He’ll probably cry for over 2 hours. He wants to nurse, I can’t get him up!” And before I knew it I was hoisting my big pregnant body into his crib, I lied down with him to nurse, within 2 min.’s he was out like a light “What am I doing in here? Now I’m stuck! If I try to climb out it’ll wake him up, gosh, I wish I had a pillow…” We napped in his crib for about an hour, I woke with an incredibly stiff neck. I slept in a crib… what the heck?

:: This morning Gideon has been a bit whinny/clingy, I finally got him occupied long enough to run to the bathroom to pee, as I was sitting there I realized “wow, my toenail polish is really chipped,” so I grabbed the bottle of red nail polish and globed it on, the task was complete before I was done peeing. It was a sloppy job, but the task was accomplished… Why am I painting my toenails while I’m on the toilet?

:: We have a little basket of bath toys hanging in our shower, it’s totally normal to see a few rubber duckies and squirting toys… why is my pampered chef rubber spatula in the shower, and why haven‘t I taken it out yet?

Good Movie

2008-07-11T11:15:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching a movie with Nessa, it was wonderful! I'm into independent movies, often you get a lousy story with too much swearing, but sometimes, like today, you find a beautiful film. And beautiful it actually is, the movie is called Bella. It's a little confusing at first but by the end it all makes sense. Everyone should see it.

Photos

2008-07-10T10:51:00.000-07:00

By the way, I'm beginning to post photos on my separate little photo blog, it’s just easier for me that way… just go to “my complete profile” under the “about me” spot and scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on photo’s. Enjoy! (FYI… There’s a picture of me in my ridiculous tu-tu at my birthday party.)

American parenting; Where has your common sense gone?

2008-07-10T10:11:00.000-07:00

Wow, it’s been almost a whole month since last I blogged, and now, once again, I’m sort of lost as to all that I could go on about. I have a bunch of stuff already written out that I was putting together to comment on Rissa’s site… perhaps I’ll go with that. :-) (My secret is that I’m a terrible speller, so I go into Word, type up my stuff, than copy and paste it into my blog… just easier that way.) :-)
The subject I was commenting on from Rissa’s page, was “You’re still breastfeeding?!?“ (www.mamarissa.com) When Gideon was 6 months old someone said to me “you know, you can wean him now.” I just stated that we’d continue breastfeeding Gideon longer than what was considered “normal” in our culture, and I think she mostly understood. I’ve run into a little judgment when people discover that I am 22 weeks pregnant and still nursing my 17 month old. I’m often asked (or told) “Isn’t that really dangerous for the baby! Doesn’t that cause a miscarriage?” The other funny thing is that people from my church, (or other people who knew that I was doing “extended breastfeeding”) will go out of their way to ask if I am still nursing. As if they know that I’m just some crazy, barefoot, anti-vaccine, attachment parenting psycho and the confirmation of continued breastfeeding is fuel for the flame of speculation.
After becoming a parent I was ABSOLUTLY ASTONISHED at the complete lack of common sense in the world of American parenting. Not just as far as breastfeeding is concerned but almost every aspect of it. EG A) People find out you have your child on a different vaccine schedule (mind you, not anti-vaccine, just a different schedule) than what is commonly used, and people say “You can Do that?!?” “Yes, as the parent, I have the right to decide.” B) Your baby cuts his first tooth and you hear, “Oh, time to start weaning, you wouldn’t want to get bit.” “Well, I’ll just teach him not to do it, he is rather inelegant.” C) “Sorry parents we aren’t allowed to sell ANY cold medicine for infants, apparently some people’s thought process was, ‘if a ¼ tsp. works to alleviate the symptoms, than 2 tsp.’s will kick the cold right out!’” “uhg…” D) “Your baby’s not sleeping through the night yet?!?” “No, he’s only 4 months old, he still needs to nurse throughout the night.” D continued) “He’s not eating any solids yet?!?” “No, he doesn’t have any teeth (being 4 months old, you know) I feel as though operating within the principle of design would mean to not feed him any solids until he at least has 4 teeth for chewing.” E) “Your son has a bit of a runny nose, just bring him to the Dr., he’ll get some antibiotics and he’ll be just fine” “Hello super bugs!” F) Or the whole idea that your child watching Baby Einstein movies can in some way teach your child more than consistent interaction with a parent, doing creative play or otherwise. Man, people are so ridiculous! I don’t believe that these people who say these things are stupid, I just feel as though they don’t recognize their right, or ability to make appropriate decisions for their children.
Anyway, I was told by a well meaning relative several months ago “Well, if you keep letting him nurse he won’t wean for a VERY long time!” “Yes, I know, and I’m actually okay with that.” Was my reply. I didn’t really know what to say. Of course that would happen, and I didn’t really see why it was such a bad thing not to wean for a VERY long time. Gideon was 10 months when she said this. It’s not like he was 4 years old. I think a lot of people think that if you let your child nurse when they desire to, or do child led weaning, you’re giving them some sort of unmerited power over your life that they ought not to have. I wonder what she would say if she knew I was 21 weeks pregnant and still breastfeeding my son. Hmm…
And by the way, I think my milk is almost dried up, but Gideon mostly likes to pacify anyway. Our usual routine is to sit down before bed, he snuggles one of his stuffed animals (usually monkey) and holds his sippy cup, and nurses, sips from his cup, nurses, sips from his cup… It works well for us. The other night though, we sat down and he refused the breast, he just snuggled into me and drank from his sippy cup. “So this is how child led weaning really works” I thought, it was a little sad, but mostly pleasant. The next day in the early morning he lied down with me in bed and nursed for a good 25 minutes, and was more interested in nursing throughout the day than usual. But it was just encouraging to know that child led weaning is working for us, and that even if Gideon does feel the need to increase his nursing time once his baby brother comes along, it’ll be okay. I think many mothers over analyze every single step of motherhood to the point that there’s not much room for just reacting naturally to their children‘s needs. Breastfeeding, which is so natural; within the principle of design, is just a part of mothering. God has naturally given woman an ability not only to feed their babies, but to care for and nurture them as well. The best parenting advise that I EVER received was from my mom, “Just be led by the Holy Spirit, listen as God guides you. He cares for every aspect of our lives, certainly for parenting decisions.” God has given us decision making skills, he’s given us a good dose of common sense, if only we would seize the opportunity to use it, I think our children would be much better off. And in the areas where I think I have chosen to use my God given common sense, It’s been so nice to see the positive evidence of following Gods lead as I raise Gideon. Mothering, it’s a wonderful job!

It is my birthday today

2008-06-16T17:49:00.000-07:00

So, I was planning on blogging about this a few weeks ago. I didn’t get around to it. I thought today would be an appropriate day for it.
The whole idea was inspired by a car ride a few weeks back. I was on my way to pick Mark up from work, Gideon was napping at my parents so I was in the car alone. For those of you who live in my neck of the woods, I tuned my radio to WHAM 1180 and listened to TALK RADIO. Politics, news, cheesy jokes by old men, the whole nine. The point is, I was listening to talk radio by choice! I used to joke about Rush Limbaugh making me feel nauseas because I associated his voice with unpleasentness in the car. :-)
I just didn’t like talk radio, and there I was, listening to it, and enjoying it. I started laughing out loud, “when did this happen?” I thought? “I’m almost acting like - an adult!”
I started thinking about all the ways that I’ve been acting like an adult lately, the things that I like, the things that make me happy or excited, my choice of activities in my free time, (you know, all that free time that I have, ha ha) the things I choose to talk about with my peers. It’s so strange, I’m experiencing this phenomenon of growing up that I didn’t think I would ever experience. In fact, I’m totally distracted because right now I typing while watching a DVD on gardening, “Jerry Bakers Gardening Wisdom: Americas Master Gardener” It’s funny, a lot of it I can’t explain because I don’t even realize that I’ve changed all that much until I‘m hit with a random unexpected realization. Weird.
Anyway, I know that all kids (or at least the ones I grew up around) always say, “The biggest sign of immaturity is telling everyone how mature you are!” And that’s not what I’m trying to do, I’m just reflecting on the ways I’ve changed in marriage and motherhood (which realistically happened before adulthood for me) and I find it interesting, so here’s the question (for my less than 2 faithful readers,) what’s different about the way you are now, compared to “pre-adulthood“? E.G. Last week Joy and I wanted to hang out, in days of yore we would have gone to the mall, or even farther back, we would have gone to the dollar tree, but this time, we took a little drive out to Loris Natural Foods, and had a BLAST! A sign of the times I guess. :-)
While I’m talking about getting older, I should say a few words about this wonderful Birthday. I enjoyed today SO much, Mark let me sleep in, he and Gideon brought me flowers and a big balloon (Gideon’s choice) breakfast in bed, and a SIGG! (that’s what I asked for) Then Mark had to leave for work, and Gideon and I watched the lightning and rainstorm, it was fabulous. Jaron stopped by, we had tea, Joy came to pick us up, and we spent the rest of the day with my family. Marks on his way home now!
Oh, the other thing to mention, I asked Jenessa for a special gift… It’s my twenty second birthday, so obviously I need a Tu-tu, frilly and funky. I figured it’s probably my last chance in my life to get one, and I did, Mom and Nessa made it for me! I’m sure I’ll post a photo or two eventually. :-) I guess, I’m not that grown up…

I'm back!

2008-06-09T10:15:00.000-07:00

I know, it's been so long. Too long, I'm at that point now that I don't want to make 1000 different blogs about everything that’s gone on since my last entry, so now I have to decide what’s the ultimate blog worthy story in my large pile of stories. I also don’t want to make 1 HUGE blog because though I’m sure some people read the really long ones, I just skim through them thinking, wow this is a lot of stuff to read!

So instead, what do you know, I end up writing a blog about blogging. :-)

On the subject of blogging, my dear husband Mark has embarked on the blogging Journey, entering a world predominated (at least in our circle of friends) by housewives and stay at home moms. So, for those of you who want some deep manly thoughts, or those who want to send there own husbands this way, go to http://www.daddymarksblog.blogspot.com/
It’s very interesting and just in the budding stage, so get there quick and you won’t miss anything. :-)

Experiencing True Worship

2008-05-28T11:01:00.000-07:00

Last night we had our bi-monthly women’s Bible study. For the past few months we’ve been meeting at my house (usually Mark has to work late on Tuesday’s, so I just put Gideon to bed and then I actually get to attend the bible study) anyway, Mark was home yesterday, and gave Gideon a bath as the meeting started, once he got out of the tub, I went up to nurse him and put him to bed. From Gideon’s room we could hear Joy start to lead worship, we heard the guitar and the voices of 5 worshiping woman. I usually sing a few worship songs while I put Gideon to sleep, so last night I just sang along with the woman downstairs. As I began to sing Gideon closed his eyes and lifted his hand, (he likes to imitate other people worshiping, it doesn’t matter what music is on, if he hears music, his hands are lifted and his body’s moving) but something was different this time, as he lifted his hand I felt the room flood with the presence of the Holy Spirit, it was literally like a wind. He held his hand up for about a minute, then needed to switch sides (remember, he was still nursing) and as soon as I began to sing again, he lifted his other hand. It was so simple, it was so sweet, this little mans effortless act of self abandonment ushered in the manifestation of the Holy Spirit. It was beautiful!

Follow hard after

2008-05-27T12:16:00.000-07:00

Last night, my darling sister Jenessa spent the night with us. Gideon and I spent the day at my parents’ house, and when we went to pick Mark up from work (one car family…) I started feeling VERY sick. My “morning sickness” this pregnancy is really more of “evening - right when I need to start making dinner and Gideon is having fussy time – sickness” so it wasn’t really anything new, but this particular wave of nausea came on really bad, with pounding headache, dizziness, and all over achiness. Joy and Jenessa were trying to convince us to sleep over so I could sleep and they could help take care of Gideon (I have the greatest family ever!) and Mark thought that was a fantastic idea, because he had to work very early in the morning and said that he would have peace of mind knowing that if I woke up feeling this way, someone would be there to help with Gideon. This has happened before, we’ll sleep over at my parents house (I know, I’m a baby) and I’ll rest, and Gideon will have a blast hangin’ with the cool people. But this time I had this overwhelming sense of failure, this voice inside me shouting “no, I’m fine, I can do it! I’ll put Gideon to bed, I’ll get up with him; I’ll take care of things. I’ll do what I’m supposed to do. Mark just thinks I CAN’T do it, that’s why he wants help for me. How am I supposed to have more kinds if I can’t even handle one inside and one outside of the womb! What about when I have TWO outside of the womb! I am a failure!” I didn’t voice this to Mark, and casually hinted that I’d like to go home, the decision was made without me and I had strict orders, Nessa was coming home with us, and she was getting up with Gideon in the morning. I was to sleep in, and that’s final! (I know, what a tyrant) :-)

When we got home, I had this urge to clean frantically; I was practically running around the house, putting stuff away, moving dishes around, straightening pillows, washing counters. At this point Mark and Nessa realized there was something deeper going on in my heart, than what was going on in my body. Mark sat there with pleading in his eyes for me to sit down, and Nessa came beside me, and started cleaning, she said “will you sit down?” “No,” I said “if I do, I’ll start crying, and I don’t want to start crying, ‘cause who knows when I’ll stop.” “Okay” was the wise beyond years response from her.

Once I sat, out of sheer exhaustion and aching knees, I did start crying, it wasn’t a lot, just a few tears. I sat down with the computer hoping that I could find something else to think about, and it worked, momentarily. (FYI, don’t try to find out the meaning behind the nursery rhyme “Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold…” without a parental block on your computer, it’s not pretty!) But, when it came time to go to bed, I laid there, thinking about everything once again. However, this time, the enemy allotted a new spin on the failure theme, “This poor pre-born baby, don’t you remember how much time you prayed for Gideon when he was in the womb, you thought about him all day, you read scripture over him, better get on with that with this one, or…” and I’m not even going to ramble about the stupid things Satan tried to get me to believe about this baby. God spoke to me in the midst of this, He said, “look at where you came from, your mom is not wonder woman, she just follows hard after me. That’s all I ask of you, you had 5 siblings, none of you were neglected, things fell apart now and then, and you know from experience that it’s okay. The main thing you need to do is follow hard after Me. Everything else will fall in place, you will receive life from reading my Word, you will gain wisdom and intimacy by talking with me, you will have PEACE is knowing me more.”

I feel so silly when God has to show me this once again, because I’ve walked this road, and I’ve learned this same lesson in high school when I felt distracted, at work when I felt stressed and hopeless, in courtship, when I felt tempted, in engagement when I felt whatever craziness was in engagement, in marriage when I felt unfulfilled, in motherhood when I felt unqualified, distracted and alone. Follow hard after God, that’s all I need to do. For everything that I struggle with, forgiveness, being judgmental, loneliness, fear of failure, bitterness… will really be addressed and taken care of when I follow hard after God. Maybe this is something other moms and wives need to be reminded of, maybe it’s just something I easily forget, and the rest of the world still knows. I’m thankful though, that God is so faithful, faithful to remind me to follow hard after him, faithful to remind me of the same thing for over and over and over and over…

John 10:27; My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.

P.S. I know I got the “Follow hard” thing from somewhere, be it a book, song or preaching… I can’t seem to actually find it in the Bible, though I believe it to be a biblically sound thing, and even if it doesn’t make much sense, my soul know what it means, and I fully comprehend what it entails.

The people Mullet

2008-05-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

I was doing laundry the other day and because our washing machine is in our basement and our hampers are in our bedrooms (2 staircases above) it’s just not practical to leave Gideon playing in the living room while I dash here and there trying to get the wash done. (Gideon is a VERY busy boy, and we have several “no touch zones” in our house in order to teach him how to resist temptation, more on that another day though…) So I put Gideon in the ERGO on wash day, I know all seasoned, well adjusted mothers tell you to do a load a day and then you never get behind on laundry, but I just haven’t gotten that down yet, I usually end up forgetting the wet load, and the next day (or 4 days later) I have to re-wash the same load because of the musty smell leaking out of the washing machine. Anyway, I put Gideon on my back and laughed to myself because I ACTUALLY thought, hey, tiny baby in front, big baby in back… "WE’RE LIKE A PEOPLE MULLET!" So I documented it via photo, and thought, what a random thing… I shall blog about it. I was asked to do a blog on folding a fitted sheet, (I’m pretty much a master at it) but I’m told Danica already did that and I don’t want to step on any toes. Sorry Isaac. I’ll give you a private lesson.

Illustrations

2008-05-23T19:43:00.000-07:00

The disasterous Countrey White bread

The substitute lunch. :)

The Lunch

2008-05-23T08:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, so yesterday when I wrote about my country white bread, I hadn’t actually finished making it (rather the bread machine hadn’t) so after Gideon woke up from his morning nap, feeling very hungry, I cut open the loaf. First of all, it had collapsed on one side, secondly, it smelled and tasted like homemade play-dough! I pulled that box out of the recycling (remember, I’m not wasteful) and looked for a date on the box, the latest date I actually found was 1999, yeah, I think that’s bad… For those of you who, like me, don’t think the 90’s are all that far away, the box is 9 years old!) So, I threw out the bread, sorry starving world, I just couldn’t eat it!)

So Gideon and I enjoyed a lunch of blueberry yogurt, with wheat germ of course. :)

Blog?

2008-05-22T08:54:00.000-07:00

Just this morning is when I actually found out what a blog is. I called Katie asking how to get to a friend’s blog, and then confessed I didn’t even know what a blog actually was… odd thing; the internet.

Anyway, an hour later and I’m writing my first official blog entry. By the looks of it, as a mom/housewife my blog should be filled with important things, like Biblical female topics, silly stories about the kids, and homemade whole wheat bread. :) I think I can do that. Although, I regret to say, when I make bread, it’s in the bread Machine… and today; I used a bread machine mix! That’s not even the worst of it, it’s… country white! I know, but in my defense it was given to me, and I couldn’t just throw it out, I’m just not wasteful like that. The joke around here is if I’m eating something unhealthy or trying to get Joy to eat something unhealthy, I say “I’ll throw some wheat germ on it!” as if wheat germ is the grain equivalent to Jesus blood, and whatever it touches is suddenly redeemed. Needless to say we’ll be having white bread and wheat germ, grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch. :)